Magnetz, Stickerz & Polka Dotz—OH MY!

Nail Polish!!
Or Lacquer, Paint or whatever you call it.
It's been awhile since I last talked about it!! A long time lol
I've been trying everybody (or Ladiez, Dollz & Girlz) to stay on the up & up with the new fashion trends. But I'm getting older and I tend to forget so forgive me ok?? OK lol.
But I've noticed a few things recently about nail polish!! The females are in a frenzy!! It's so sad too lol. Especially when the trend turns sour like a lime or drops faster than it took to become a top notch fashion trend.
So I've decided to throw in my opinion of each. Two of which I've tried and the other was just amazing enough to talk about lol. Plus I've got a few sites you can check out for those nice fancy at home (unboring plain polish disasters) nail arts.




Magnetic Nail Polish




Have you guys seen this?? I happen to be up early one morning (or stayed up late one night) and the Today show was talking about fashion trends. So nail polishes and few others were the topic. So she talks about magnetic nail polish.
WTF IS THAT?? O_o
She paints the girl's nail and flips the nail polly lid and low and behold there's this awesome design. Whoa how she, how she do that thurr??? =O
I got real interested and wrote it down and promised myself to look it up. Sunday or Monday I had the time to do so after weeks after the fact. I'm on Amazon looking and searching. Found FUCKTONS of it! (BTW I cuss a lot and if youre not ok with it I suggest you leave now while you have some innocence left lol) OMG this is sorta surreal, I said to myself. It just came out and there's so many brands and colors that it's hard to tell the gooduns from the baduns. What is this witchcraft???
So after seeing some of the prices for the serious knock offs I'm like no I'm not paying $20+ for some polish that's spose to squiggle and prance. That's absurd and ludicrous. Tuesday morning I'm at the local Walgreens picking up orange juice and tissues or Kleenex and a few other things. Here's this huge display of nail polly. So I mosey over to check it out, it's magnetic nail polish. You've got to be shittin me, right?? Lol. I check out the colors and notice most of them were dark colors. What is this emo's world gone wrong or what?? I love dark colors don't get me wrong!! Hell look at the blog dammit, but really?? Can I see a neon green or electric blue.....a pearlesque white maybe?? So I pick out this royal teal death-like color. The polish is by a place called Nabi, found it at Amazon too but Walgreens had em for $4 a bottle (still pricey to me but that's my personal opinion) which was a lot more affordable than $20 for one bottle.




Well the other morning, I decided to try it out. I learned that it's best to have a notebook or something of the sort. Because trying an unknown polly on your nails can be detrimental and disastrous!! So I grab a piece of old plastic and try it out. First blotch was too thick. Ok tried again it came out pretty much like they said it would. Lines are a bitch though. Whichever way you hold it is the way it goes. So if you are interested do some trial and errors so you know how to work the magnet part. So 3rd and 4th blotches—nothing. Why?? It dries way too fast for the magnet to work. You got to be a serious experience flipper of the cap OR put on a semi thick coat to get a good result.
Now when I looked the other day on Amazon (because they sell just about every thing). They had very little to offer. When I looked again THERE WAS SO MANY it wasn't even funny!! Even China Glaze, OPI & Loreal had them. Now hold the hell up!! I think this "fad" has gone a little too far. If it just came out a month or two ago and it's popping out top notch and knock offs already there's something seriously wrong! I looked over the reviews and noticed how many people were having problems with them—period in general. WOW! It's not working, or it's very faint or it's just too goopy, etc, etc.
I say it's a nice thought but honestly it's kinda hard. Like anybody can paint their nails but to add a step and flip the cap. I'm sure someone did what I did (or will do) and got nail polish on the magnet instead. I'm not saying it dries INSTANTLY but it dries fast enough for you not to be able to get the "magnetic" effect and you wasted time and would definitely need to start again. Unless you want to go over it 20 thousand times until you might get it right, but then you run the risk of smudging it or having mismatched nails (whether your color coding or not). But I did realize the thinner it is the better the result with the magnets to work but it don't come out cute, bright and pretty like the pictures lol.
To me I don't think it's a good investment but then again it could used for fun. Especially the Lil Divaz out there who have slumber parties and girlie parties and whatnots you know?? I dunno maybe they'll come out with a better formula or something lol




Polish Strips[AKA Polish Stickers]
Now I have tried these. Well these have a bunch of pros and cons and OKs and yes and noes and so on and so forth lol.




When these jumped out a few years back, not only were they $10 (or more depending on the place), Sally Hansen was the only company that sold them and there were just basic colors and a few designs. I ended up at the Walmart and found a couple on sale for about $3-5 (guess they decided to mark down since it wasn't doing so well) so I snatched up the electric blue.
It took forever before I decided to try it. I took it out the little strips and read the directions. Hmm seems easy enough. So I took one apart and was so baffled I'm like MAMA!! GIMME YO FINGA!! And I put it on her nail (since they were long and Diva-ish lol) and it looked pretty good. I did another and she's like that is ENOUGH.




So I tried one of my little stubby fingers. It worked. But I will say if you don't have a good length of fingernail, you will have problems.




Now if you know me, I was the nail shop QUEEN HELLO!! But when you broke you can't go. So why exactly do I go?? Well because I've always like the nail shop even when I was little. Went with a grandma once to the nail shop. And I liked having pretty nails. But with my long fingers and ungenetic ability to not grow any pretty nails of my own, I always felt my fingers were just ugly and strange. But that's how I feel lol. You see that picture up there don'tcha?? XD hahaha




I will say I love the Polly Stickers. That's all it is if you haven't tried them. They work best with a good length fingernails. If you got stubby fingers or nails that won't grow like mine it's hard to shape them or "file" the excess sticker off. Because it can smudge or stick together and create that "tape ripple" lol.
However its worth the MONEY!! Why?? Because you can stick and go!! In between nail appointments?? Stick & Go! Not good at making your own designs?? Stick & Go!! Switching from Work Profetish to Club Scene Chic?? STICK & GO BABY!! Wish they had them when I ended up with a bad manicure and was too lazy to do my own lol.
Overall!! I say good investment. Plus other companies are throwing out nail stickers left to right. HELL they even got em for your toes!! All the different designs, holiday ones and new ones are popping up like daisies!! Hell to be honest it's cheaper than a bottle of cheap chipping prone nail polish, and going to the salon to have Ms. Mei-Ling paint them for $25+!! So I say go for it!! But I would put on a nice top coat like Seche Vite dry fast top coat because when the color starts to wear it turns white. Otherwise if you don't plan on being particular, a top coat really isn't needed and I wouldn't recommend any other top coat but Seche Vite, it's one of the few that won't take off the color or eat it up.




Polka Dot Nail Polish
Now we all know this phenom right??




The Crackle Nail Polish. I haven't tried it personally myself but it seems like everyone loves it. I noticed now they have like a two ended pen. One sides crackle polly and the other end is regular polish. I saw black & gold, baby blue and white and green on green combos. Which I thought was pretty cool. They're sold at Walgreens if you're interested.
Anyway in my Magnetic Polly search the other day I was on Amazon. I see this one "item" if you will pop up.
Polka Nail Polish?? Hmm–
Wait now how the hell—?




Now if you know your way around the Nail Tech world the best way to make polka dots is to use a dotting tool. If you don't have a dotting tool a toothpick or something similar will do just fine. And so you dip it into the polish or acrylic paint you want to use and dot and dot until your Lil Heart's content!!




So when I saw this, I just couldn't figure out you get this epically awesome spray of dots! There's no way someone's doing this by hand. Especially since some of us can't do the left like the right—it's perfectly normal so don't get upset about it.




But then I figured it out. It's by a place called Nubar. They have two colors: Black and Silver. Well the silver is glitter. So is the Black. Make sense now?? Since it had two sized dots it was baffling and I assumed immediately, well maybe this is something like the crackle effect?? We all see that worked out nicely right?? Then I read the reviews from Amazon and people were saying how hard it was to get the dots off by nail polish remover. Well that's why. Any glittered nail polish is hard to remove. It like grabs the cotton swab or ball or pad and holds on for dear life!! Thus turning into a bigger mess lol. Trust me I know! I steer clear from glittered pollies. Only ones I do use are nail art pollies or stickers or maybe acrylics. They're not as hard to remove when you're ready.




To me it's a nice idea for a vacational or long field trip or just one of those I don't give a damn weeks. But if you change a lot like I did or want a cute quick fix this is not the thing for you.
So would I recommend this?? No.
Would I try this?? No.
Glitter polish ain't no joke and it's best if you use it sparingly. Whether you got ACETONE or NOT!! It can be hard, frustrating task.




Nail Arts Pleaze!
So just as I promised. I'm going to post a few websites and pics of simple at home nail arts you can do yourself. It's best to do baby steps and trial and error. And maybe next time you head to the nail shop you won't give Ms. Mei-Ling a hard time—you know who you are *nods*.
Here are some designs I did a while back. From time to time I dabble into things and I can do nails, other peoples, I'm just way too lazy to do my own lol. Yawl know I'mma Taurus hehehe
Originals:








Mine are slightly different:








So if you try hard any design is possible just takes time and patience. I also googled a lot! Got books and DVDs on it. But if I need a basic fix a French tip is my best work lol.
Simple Stripes




This can be done with either nail art paints or a thin paint brush and your favorite polish or acrylic paint. More designs here. And Here.
I thought this was cute, especially for the upcoming Summer ^_^
Tropical Tiger Stripes




For the tutorial click here!
My Ro-Ro-Roses!!




This is simple and probably wouldn't take long if you do 1-3 nails. Don't try to do them all the same time. Remember patience is key!! More Floral Designs here




Nail Art Linkz
Nail Art Gallery
Cindy's Nails
Nail Crazy
Gosh Darn Awesome Nail Art
׺°”˜`”°º×÷·.·´¯`·)»❀«(·´¯`·.·÷׺°”˜`”°º×
Well I hope you guys enjoyed that!! Lol
Now if I find any more or get a chance to do a nail design or two I'll definitely post them ok!!
So Happy Nailing to all my Nail Art Loving Groupiez out there lol




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(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I dunno....

Maybe it's the child in me or it's just the fact that I can be silly every now and then.



But one thing I do love to do is go get a Happy Meal from McDonalds. I always have flashbacks of my childhood and how the whole concept of getting the happy meal would put the biggest smile on my face. And how like all kids do, I'd rush through my meal just so I could open my toy and play with it and enter my own Fantasy Filled Wonderland full of Happiness and Joy.


And as I got older for a while it became childish. But I guess I could blame my dad for it lol. When he'd grab a Happy Meal for his lunch during work he always brought the toy to me and said I could keep it or throw it away or give it to a baby or little kid I knew. But I always decided to keep them. Because for me, it was more than some just random plastic toy. It was a present, a present from my dad and it always made me happy. I guess that's why he did it. The fact he could see me happy was what made him happy.

I guess that goes for any parent out there hehe.

So even now being the 24 almost 25 year old woman that I am.....YES DAMMIT I LOVE GETTING A HAPPY MEAL. And the best part is still opening up the toy and entering that Fantasy Filled Wonderland.


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Résumé à la Facebook

So did you guys watch the news??

I rarely do, but I end up watching the news because my mom watches it (she's old, & old people love the news......yea).

So anyway I'm watching it and it says that when you go to apply for a job, your "future" employer will ask for your Facebook password so they can look at your Facebook.


WHOA WHOA WHOA!! What the fork is that??

Are you hiring me or stalking me to be my friend crazie Creeper McCreeperson?!?!?!


Like I'm going to be honest here. Ok I understand that in a workforce there are some things that can compromise the work place or even make things uncomfortable or basically fuck it up. Yes I get that, I understand that. However what you do on your time, which is NON-9to5 (non-work) time, is your business. So am I gonna be judged for a job because I have a photo up with me wearing a tube top with a miniskirt and heels or sandals or whatever. Oh oh we're sorry but we can't hire you because you look slutty here. Um I'm sorry, I didn't know that my Midsummer Pasts were so importante for the Present and Future of Mankind—

Or what?? Are they going on there to talk to your friends, associates/acquaintances, and networking buddies to dig for information or bring up some irrelevant shit?? Like god forbid if you didn't get the chance to delete that one douche that you had a fight with over some dumb shit and Boss-man decides to contact them (of all people!!) and they bad-mouth you outta a good job! Like what type of shit is that??


Like fuck all that Facebook we're here to protect you cockamamie bullcrap. Why in HELL would an employer want to know what you do on your free time?? We ain't gonna be friends and we damn sure ain't gonna be lovers NEITHER.

I remember one story happened like last year or so. A teacher got fired because someone's mom was creeping on their Facebook like a Certified Creep. And—


Well lemme back up, you ever know someone who ruins shit because they're sucha douchebag or they complain about everything that's pettier than putty?? You know like the teletubbie being "gay" or now the "pink slime" in meat we've been eating for years or something so stupid that it causes an uproar over nothing. Like I would rather see why my loans haven't been canceled than why that dog over there just pissed on a blue fire hydrant than a red one. I know someone like that—My Godmom, plus she's a hypochondriac too. So if you ever have something goes utterly wrong for no reason blame it on Reenie (well go with that as her name for now lol).



Now where was I??

Oh yea, Creeper Mom is on her kids' Facebook and see the teacher has "photos" posted. So she clicked them and got upset! Why?? Because the teacher got her pic done while getting a lap dance from a male stripper/escort—she was at a Bachelorette Party. So Creeper Mom rallies up all the other Reenies out there and they make a big todo about it and got the poor woman fired. Now the lady didn't post the pic, her friend(s) did. This Bachelorette Party wasn't during school time nor school hours, NOT EVEN DURING A SHORT BREAK!! It was over the summer!!! But no they gave that woman hell. OMG!! She had no control over what someone else did. Then the parents and the school tried to say she was a poor influence for the kids and blah blah blah. Now hold the hell up. I have some of my high school teachers as friends on Facebook, I don't find it that odd. Besides we all have a Facebook for different reasons. After tumblr I really didn't need a Facebook, but I keep mine to keep in touch with people I can't physically touch or keep in contact with you know?? Like I have a friend out in California, friends in Japan and Europe, or college besties that doesn't live close by–so on and so forth. So that's why I keep it. But what I put on it or what I do in my spare time is MY MOTHERFUCKIN BUSINESS and that includes cussing or swearing or using dirty words what-have-you.

But as far as a job is concernt the only thing he/she should be concerning themselves about is if I have the skills for the job, education needed or if I need education/training, if I'm a dependable type of person, work experience, knowledge in a given or specific subject, etc, etc. Not if I went to $2 drinks Thirsty Thursdays at the local Hotspot Dive Bar. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! That's bullshit—the smelly kind too!!


Like why write a résumé or go through the motion of applying for a job or filling out applications if you wanna rape—oh I'm sorry "check" my Facebook?? To me not only is that lazy, but very conniving and a way of invading someone's privacy. All to do what?? To weed out the "worse" batch and hire only the snotty rich kids?? They already judge you by your credit report (the worse it is the more unlikely it is for you to obtain a job....but we'll talk more about this later) and if you're a college grad or not. Do they ask questions or ask why, how, who, what, when, where?? No, nor do they care. But to look at my Facebook to see if I cussed today or if I'm "online" or not.


Look if I'm doing my damn job or finishing my workload on time and handing it in like I should, then what the hell you got to complain about??


Makes no sense to me. It really doesn't!


Now that's WTF-ery at its best!



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Closer

So you ever have one of those moments in your life where you make a plan like it's stated and embedded in our brains to do. However it doesn't work out or backfires or goes utterly (the) wrong (way sometimes) or fails complete. Then you're shoved back to the beginning of the board game to start all over again with your new drawing pad, too short pencil and white eraser that's covered in pencil dirt. Trying your damnedest and your hardest to figure out what the hell you we're doing in the first place. You know it's like waking up WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! WHERE THE FUCK AM I?? What is this witchcraft?? I was on that mint yellow shape up over there and now I'm back at start(??).......THE HELL?! O_o




Yea had one of those. Fought wit my mom. And finally got her to listen to me (｡-_-｡). I hate it when I'm squawking my head off and I'm getting ignored. And then when I snap the hell out and got every fucking body's attention and yell what I need to say and how the fuck I feel. I'm being wrong and disobedient. Until finally they're like OHHHHH I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING NOW—makes a lotta sense now *nods*





And I'm like


So in the midst of all that I lost sight on my "goal" my main objective. Or maybe to be honest I re-invented what I want.

So in the midst of my wanting this happy life and being impatient like I am and not understanding the normal everyday things like everybody else. My thoughts and dreams of Insta-Happy aren't going as planned or like I thought they would.

It's a lot to be a webcam doll!! I mean damn. I'd be deeper in the hole and be going faster than a Bat outta Hell!! I'd be 8 feet deep—and I'm already half way there now!! So what's a girl to do when she needs thousands of dollars and the little piece of jobs I got pay only on a "reward" commission type basis??

Look for new work. But its easier said than done. Why?? Well I talk about that in the next post.

But here's a tidbit ↓

When you go to college there's a lot to go with it. It's fast paced blur of people, students, papers, school colors and memorabilia and sparkles and shit that you don't get the full picture. Nor, at the time, do you know what to say or ask for.

You take everything in stride and accept it for what it's worth. Because hey lets face it, all that hard work and bullshit from high school paid off–FINALLY–and now you can make something of yourself, make yo mamma & diddy proud of you and enter the world of success and happiness. Unfortunately that's not how it works....completely. It's a stress induced, crazed psycho asylum where you're always wrong, unprofessional, and you need room for improvement—always!!

What makes college so sad is the fact you work hard and do your best no matter what! But it's not a guarantee that you'll get into your selected field or get the job of your choice. And the school isn't going to get you a job, help you get a job—hell if they knew the local Burger Joint was hiring they wouldn't even refer you to them and vice versa. There you are in Unemployment Limbo, broke as joke, owing thousands you don't really know where the hell they came from. Tragic.


But well talk more about that later ok!





Well in the midst of me trying to figure out what I can do. I'm googling and searching and finding nothing. So in talking to my mother and getting her to understand the only thing I could probably do without any problems is becoming a webcam doll or a porn star. Well I don't think that would be best I don't approve, is what she said. Well Damn. O_O if that's my best what am I fin to do?? It wasn't that she said that to me, it was the fact she was serious and meant that. So in other words at my lowest point or at a most ungraceful moment you wouldn't accept it or approve of me. Damn that's harsh. So then I thought maybe I am kidding myself, maybe I'm not cut out for it, maybe there's something better out there for me—But wait a minute last time I thought like this, I not only ended up more and more in debt but unhappy and pissed. Well I was getting there [again]. As I spent that day sulking unhappy I took time to figure out what the hell it was exactly I wanted.


What is it that you want??

A family. My own family. Just me and my (maybe) two kids—happy. I don't need the husband or nothing like that. Ive got time for looking and searching for love. I don't have the lifetime time frame for having a baby though and I'd rather not have a baby in my 40s or 50s!! No offense to those mommies but I was raised by middle aged 40+ year olds and it's hard for both the parents and child(ren) involved. It's stressful, patience is lost, things are put by-the-way-side, missed opportunities. Not to mention planning for the unexpected can be time consuming all in itself (like death of a parent, lost of job, possible relocation, etc.)! Things you don't even consider can happen, throw you into a curve and make it that much harder.

Naahhh wasn't for me!! So I decided I wanted to kids early because of all those things.


So there I was as this beautifully decorated, shining, sparkling, absolutely amazing Epiphany just rained down on me.

How did I get here?? I asked myself.
I got here because I lost myself for a minute.

What was it that I was going after??
Making my life better for the baby I thought I was pregnant with. Because I wanted to be a good mom.

So what is it I gotta do to make this work or make this better??
Well it was to get a job to support myself and my baby. But that changed to get a job to better myself. And because I wanted nice things, I wanted to be able to live a happy life—No I wanted the happiest life anybody could have. Dammit I deserved that much right?? And, and, and

Wait a minute—


I just want to get closer to my goal.




What exactly is your goal??
In all honesty I want to be a mom. A Working Mom. A Happy Mom. That would make me the happiest girl in the whole wide world!!




But hold up a moment....how do we go about being a mom??

Didn't have the slightest clue.


All I knew I wanted a baby, knew I needed to get myself on track and what else, right?? A bunch!! It's a lot more to just changing diapers, "nappies", bottles and love galore. You need to be stable, financially fit, and this and that. So you know me, I go and researched. Found oodles and doodles of stuff. Some worth while and others complete jokes!


Not only did I find helpful information, I found some not so helpful information. I didn't realize how crazy people had gotten today in this day and age!! OMG its ridiculous!!! Not only do they feel that me as a person, human, woman or whatever thing—needs to be married to raise and have a child (even if I was purchasing a cabbage patch from the Walmart), but I have to go to college?!

Now hold the fuck up. I need to go to college to be a mom?? No I don't think so! That's like saying you need a Ph.D. To flip a McDonalds hamburger…THE HELL?!?! better yet I need to be married because if I'm not I'm consider unstable, not financially prepared and a whore and evil bitch. O_o.

So what and when am I suppose to become a mom??

Wait until you're in your 30s after you finished your career and gotten married.

Wait, wait, wait, whoa, WHOA—it nearly takes that long to get to know somebody!

No no no! I refuse! NO!!

For me to go back to college and waste 15-20years of my life is VOLUNTEERED FAILURE. One, I don't have the money, time or patience for that—fuck a buncha career (well get to more of this later). Marriage?? Marriage?? Hell NAW I got time to GPS Mr. Right, but not to have a baby.


Besides if I'm ready to have a baby now, wouldn't I do so now before this chance slips away??


So after wasted time spent with crazies and people making no sense. I was detoured from my goal, my want, MY HAPPINESS.


I want to be a mom. Bottom line. If that means I got to work 8 jobs to make ends meet and make my little family comfortable & happy—so be it!!


Thus starting a project. I'll admit it I think I may have bitten off more than I could chew, but Imma throw some Sugar on it and enjoy the fuck outta it lol.


And after I got it together, after I listened to my heart and mind. And after I firmly planted my feet on the ground. I was able to say to myself:




If you want to be a single mom, so be it! Screw what anyone has to say. It's about what you want. If this was selfish, I wouldn't be considering this. To get to that if it means I got to be a webcam doll or groupie, or even turn a few tricks to take care of my baby so be it. Imma do me and Im gonna be proud, hold my head up high and show everybody shit can get done; especially when you put not only your mind to it, but your heart and soul and determination into it.

It can be a beautiful thing.


Once I had all of that, I knew that I'd be getting closer and closer to my goal, to my happiness. Yea I know it'll be hard and won't be easy. It may even be heart breaking or rejoiceful at some points. However I'm not going to be swayed or let people make bad decisions for me [ever again if I can help it dammit].


Remember that what's best for you isn't always best for the next person, and vice versa. So don't force how you feel or your ideals on me or anybody for that matter (more of this to come ok). Just be supportive as much as you can, if you want to be and show them their best is just fine. Coz we all need a little push every now and then, especially when and where it counts the most in our lives.


I decided to "document" My Road To Mommyhood for you guys lol. I feel like I need to explain some things and educate some nitwits out there. So there will be a new label called RTM short for Road To Mommyhood. Besides my kids may enjoy this later on in life–hell my grand kids just might too hahaha! But also there might be more labels I dunno yet, still deciding but you'll be the first to know of course =].




So make sure to keep your eyes on your goal. If you don't those dreadful things known as obstacles & dumbfucks will get in the way and try their damnedest to sway you. Some do it intentionally because of jealously or lack of seeing someone else succeed or even because they're booting out any [future] competition. Other do so just to be evil and mean and the rest are just uncaring as hell. SMDH, it's a shame that's what it is. But never second guess yourself, never ask what's for the best if your heart and mind says something different from the rest. Show everybody you can make it and do what the hell you was put on this earth to do—and that was to be HAPPY BEING YOU!! Trust me it'll be well worth it and yes it will be hard and uncomfortable at times but don't give up! The closer you get to your goal the happier you will be. Even if you're light years away(!!) it'll be well worth it.

So don't fret none hun, we'll get there in due time and it will get done.


(^_−)−☆




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Idiocy…

So how do I know I live in an ass backwards NATION??


When Pittsburgh, Pa not only cuts bus routes, bus drivers & such, cuts Hines Ward from his job & get rid of the Mellon Arena the only dome shaped arena (that I might add force a bunch of people out of their homes including my dad and his family when he was a Lil boy) BUT

THEY use $600+ million, billion, gazillion just to build a under the sea ride from downtown to the Notorious Northside to the Stadiums & Casino…


Well riddle me this Batman?? How the fuck do you intend people to catch the seahorse ride if YOU CUT THE BUSES DUMB FUCKS smh surrounded by idiots


Like do people think this dumbs hit up or are they just mentally lacking a piece of brain somewhere???

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Chapter 24 | Growing Up

My DNA is made where I can never remember people who were nice to me. But also it's so few it be hard to. If we're close then there'd no need to panic.

However, I will always remember the people who hurt or mistreat me even if they ignore me or "pretend" they didn't see me. It's like a gut feeling and I advoid them at all cost. I hate awkward situations. But in this particular case I saw a guy that was down right horrible to me(!!!) the other night at the grocery store.

But do you know how much I wanted to go round house kick him in the NUTS???? The devious side of me giggled. But for the most part when I think I'm gonna bump into him or see him someday I always wondered to myself wtf I would do.


And to be bluntly honesty I'm surprised at myself I would usually confront someone. But this time around I didn't. And as I sit there losing sight of him standing by the ginormous window. I was proud of myself. To the point I know I probably had the biggest smile on my face :D.


Guess that's what it means when you become an adult huh?? You let it go, move the hell on & worry about how you're gonna write the next chapter.....btw this story is getting GOOOD o(≧▽≦)o



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to P or not to M; that is the S—

So usually I write about just about everything lol. Except for this lovely topic. Today Girls, Dollz & Women we are gonna talk about how annoying things can really get it. Please excuse me if I jump around a lot lol.


Ok so unlike the other females I've met in my life time everybody got their period right on time and they seemed genuinely happy about. Never really knew why and couldn't figure it out.

I got mine when I was about 10years old. Looked like my Lil Kitten was in a nasty bar fight and to top it off I was at my grandma's when I realized [it/]what happened. My mom's old school and to talk about those things are nasty enough let alone "normal" conversation. It was vulgar, filthy talk. So yea my mom put a pad in my underpants and said it could be taken out when I got home. Which made no sense........why I gotta wear a diaper o_O?? I wondered. Coz back then pads were so bulky a baby diaper looks like one of those new fangle thinner than paper ones they got out now lol XD. I guess it lasted I don't really recall, it was never explained and my twisted Lil mind never got interested in it—literally.

Thus age 15. And one nice day I woke up in one of those TEENAGED MOOD SWINGS. Just pissed off and I didn't know why. Just angry as hell sheesh!! It was unusual since I was nothing but a walking talking diabetic treat! Sucha goody goody two shoes bunny (n_n). So we went out to the Walmart and I'm searching for something bent over, kneeling, crouching like a tiger—the whole 9. Then it's potty time and I get in there and noticed that not only my panties but my khaki pants were the color of blood burgundy. YIKES O_O!! Then I immediately felt embarrassed. But what a minute why am I so angry about it?? Shouldn't I be crying?? That's what I usually do–

I was a cry baby as a teen (still sorta am a lil bit tho) but hey, what did you expect??

So I found out from the girls at school it was PMS, you're on your period dumb ass. Oooohhhhhh O_O.

Then I thought back to catholic school and how those fast ass hoochie mamas (lol) talked so freely about it. Like OMG!! I was stunned coz I'm like must the boys know?? Then low and behold they had a classroom discussion on it–Dear God don't make them call on me, please ignore me please ignore me Please, Please, PLEASE!!!!

Why you ask?? Didn't have the first clue about it and my mom was old and it just felt abnormal to ask. It's like going to ask your great great grandmama about which sex toy is the best??? XD not gonna happen.

So while I was 15 I did some research on it. Google wasn't like it is today back then either. So it was hard. But I realized then I didn't like it. It was nasty, gross and messy. Above all WHY I GOTTA DO THIS?? >_< I no wanna do this ;p

To me it made the no sense and still didn't even after I looked up. All this just to get pregnant. I didn't wanna get pregnant!! As far as I was concernt I went to Pegnancy High. Every girl had at least 1 or 2 kids before they graduated [One girl I knew had 3 before she graduated]. And the boys there left a lot to be desired. And majority of the kids dropped out anyway. Those were things I didn't want. However I did wanna be married one day with a house full of kids ^_^. I see now i was super slow and should've had my little special ass on the short bus lol. So I guess that's why it turned out the way it did then. The funny thing about it was that I can't recall how long it lasted but to me it was YEARS!!! Ugh so I ended it with a 3 times, every 4 months a year plan. Simple and easy to remember lol. And I was ok with it. Even though I despised those pads! They were like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows of Zanzibar THICK and so bulky!! Forget trying to conceal that in a purse. IT WAS BIGGER THAN THE PURSE!! So I decided to try tampons. Wasn't a fan of doing it at first because I felt "violated" ya know?? It was a strange feeling. But much better than the pad, even though the tampon looked the sized of a Subway Footlong, all hard and cardboardy XD. So imagine that sucker going in GOOD GOD it was loke like a desert going hand-in-had with sandpaper. And they reminded me of these new Tampax Compax Lil cutie tampons. Sanitation was crazy back then. But it was all good until about 2003 and it stopped August something.

Now lemme tell yawl what happened. So here I is, about 16 or so—October getting check ups and shots for school. Ya kno the routine. So the lady nurse bitch, yea I said it, she ask me when was my last period.

August XX, 20XX. I was so proud of myself and stuff ^_^. So then she gets on her heels and says (paraphrasing here):

Honey are you sexually active?

{No}

Then why haven't you had a period since August, this is October you know??

{Yea I know it's October, but I dunno}

*chuckles* Honey, I'mma ask you again, are you sexually active??

{No}

That's just not normal and you need to take a pregnancy test, it's not nice to lie whatever the cause or reason maybe. I will be telling the doctor about this.


O_O. What just happened?? But instead of getting upset about it or pissed like I would NOW. I WAS HURT!! My feelings was hurt, damaged and severely beaten up. But it twisted my mind up. I won't lie all girls are explorative with "HER" down there and no I wasn't having sex with someone but it didn't necessarily mean I was a virgin either. But to say I was pregnant!! UGH made me think DID I GET IT OFF THE TOILET!?!?! OFF A DIRTY BOY?? Forget kissing....I HUGGED SUM GUYS COULD THAT BE A POSSIBILITY?? I was so fucked up (@_@). But still I was hurt by her treating me like that and I decided to never talk about it. Now after if I had to fill out those "when was your last menstrual cycle/period?" I always wrote down a crazy date didn't care or noticed to care. And it shows how smart the officials are to never wonder why did she put down 10/20/20XX when today is 10/10/20XX?? O_o shows how many special people there really are in the world right?? Hehe

So unfortunately my diabolical plan to keep it quiet jumped out when I was in college about 19 or 20 or so. I was having some issues. Stress, Penn State, Crazy Roommate & Petty Teachers and all around Bullshit. Yeaaaaa. So I was sick. Sick mentally, physically and emotionally. Seeing a pattern here?? Oh yes let me continue.

So there I was sick as a dog and the university wanted me to go to the hospital ASAP and some kid on campus could take me. But they said I had a heart murmur. OMG I JUST KNEW I WAS DYING. Long story short I told them I hadn't had a period since August 2003. And how abnormal and strange I was. Well then of course they felt it a need to "experiment" on me. This was something new and abnormal. However when I would ask what's wrong and how much time I've got to live(?). No one seemed to know the answer, no one had an answer. But yet in still here I was in Limbo, not knowing what's going on and all they wanna do is test, test, & test on me.


In the midst of missing school and making more hospital trips than people change they drawers everyday. The doctor felt I was a "Pretty Lil Liar" and put me on birth control and didn't tell me. However it made my period unusually and freakishly heavy. To the point I had to wear both a tampon and a pad and couple sets of panties and it would still leak through to my clothes. Can't be going to school like that. But did they understand that?? No because as far as college is concernt you need to put that shit on hold and come to class because my class is more important than you having kids or not. Besides you shouldn't have kids until your 40 anyways type attitude. So I ended up failing that year. And besides that stress was a big toll there. Because all I could think of if I don't graduate college I won't be successful. I won't be on my "planned path" as a woman should be. And so they tell me around my 21st Birthday that there's a possibility I can't have children, won't be ever to have them–maybe. And that I'll be on medication for the rest of my life whether I wanted to or not. Not something a 21yo wants to hear, right?? Right.


Well once the anger and upsetting hurt subsided I felt well if I can't have my own kids I can adopt. So it was no longer a big issue. Even though it was. However it began looking as a positive thing. No period means no kids and that means I can sleep with whoever I want! HIGH-5!! Unfortunately in this state of mind I met a guy I really like and he turned out married [yawl remember the mailman and I not then you new to go back]. Then got thrown into an adult situation and this love triangle trifecta. So basically I slept around with this guy (had sex for those of you grown lol). He wasn't a somebody I was interested in and just wanted to "use" him to fix the issue for a bit (you'll hear more about this later). At some point we were in a session he takes off the condom and decided to try a porno move and ejaculate on me. However he wiped it up and then wiped it in me. Was I paying attention—no not really. Not until about 2 weeks later and I assumed I was pregnant. But because I had an UTI the pregnancy test came out negative and the other was an error. So I dismissed it either way, because something so stupid couldn't happen to me.


Oh, how wrong I was!! In the midst of this my mind was blown. I was confused and unhappy. What the hell I look like with a baby?? Well I'm still thinking along the lines of "THE PLAN" and I'm gonna have a career and a husband and then a baby and life will be happily ever afterly GAY (happy). However reality got the best of me and I knew I needed to do something and get my life on track. So I did just that, I decided after lots and lots of thinking I'd become a webcam girl. Its not the best of jobs and I knew that but it was the best I could do until something else came along (or so I thought then).

I took the steps needed to be a webcam recruiting agent [instead] because I felt I still wasn't ready and wanted to learn the business of webcam modeling before I jumped out there in the unknown and end up getting screwed over. And when I took that time, and made the effort not only did I feel a lot better but my mind began to clear. Clear like when the clouds let the sun peek through so you know there's a possibility it may be a sunny day soon. And that sunny day came a lot sooner than I expected. My period came and even though it was HELLA LATE I was happy. I was elated, hell I knew how all the slaves felt when they were set FREE!! Emancipation rah-rah-rah!! LOL

I felt liberated, Free and above all Happy. My world was shining brightly. But I wanted to continue that feeling. I hope this feeling continued and I hoped that the smile on my face wouldn't leave!!

So within the 3 weeks of being on my period, days and nights spent trying to recall how the process went, not only was I not PMSing, I was getting frustrated and concerned it wasn't ending like I thought it would or could. But it did finally end on Valentine's Day–go figure! Not only was I happy it came, I did my research. I wondered after all this time why did it appear outta nowhere?? And I found this really nice article about a 28yo-something who had the same issue. The doctor concluded that it was a mental thing. Mental Thing? I wondered and I googled. It says when we as women enter a compromising or unusual situation we can make our periods stop. Stop for a month, months, even years. Why does this happen?? Basically stress and worry and thinking about the "main objective issue" so mine was I didn't want to get pregnant by whoever. However in that thought, I also felt that it couldn't happen to me because it wasn't suppose to. I was proven wrong, even if it was partially and ended in my favor (happily)—it was still possible to happen. Thus when I finally accepted the thought of it and accepted it emotionally, physically and mentally. It began to change. I even watched Dr. type shows. And I'm happy I did, all I heard my doctors say was that I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome). It's when your ovaries create cyst type pockets and basically stop growing ovaries or those that are grown and mature enough for reproduction either can't survive the pregnancy or can't even make the journey down the Fallopian tubes into the uterus for implantation.....simple terms: my eggs didn't want to go down the slide at all. Not out of fear or maybe a little bit, but just because they didn't want to (mostly because they were basically listening to me and doing as I say). However because of that it made me think other things and worse things [Like I was broken or made wrong] that put not only my "reproduction factory" jeopardy but made me mentally and emotionally unhappy. It's hard to accept anyone or anything saying you can't have children. It really and truly is. However I was misinformed by these "doctors" and no one ever took the time to clear things up. Or make it right either. Hell my doctor felt I was slut muffin and was more concerned about me being on birth control than wondering why my body was acting retarded! Smh


So after my period had ended, I did everything we [women] all do and count up the days, mark it down and wait and expect the time Mother Nature will come and visit me again with her cutely wrapped package of hate lol.


Well as I speak to you now. It was suppose to come on the 12th of March (this month). I'm trying really really hard to try not to panic nor snap out. PMS is being hard on me these pass couple weeks GEEZ!! But I'm cool, I'm cool. Because Imma wait it out. If it comes now, tomorrow, next week, next month or months from now. I'll be prepared and ready!! Because now that I've gotten my goals together and I feel a lot better about this. I know for sure I want to become a mom. Married or not—I want a baby to call my own.


And you know what Ladies, Dollz & Girls.... I couldn't be happier and I'll take all the PMS and the monthly curse side effects in stride to become blessed as someone's mommy. I'd be the happiest girl ever!! o(^▽^)o tee-hee



So in closing. If you're missing your period please don't panic. Some of us are regular, some are irregular and then there's us who have COMPLETE and UTTER control over our bodies enough to shut shit down when shit gets serious! So give it time, don't panic. If you have PCOS, don't fret none, don't worry. They have medication that can help and it's safe enough for the baby. And think about it if all else fails (and you're married or coupled off) you can adopt. I heard its not so hard for a couple to do so (opposed to a single person wanting to). So think happy thoughts and don't let the stress get to you and drive you bonkers like it did me lol. It's not healthy or worth while or your precious time. OK!!


So thank Mother Nature and the Lord when they come to present you with a present lol.



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How to Prove a Point

So from time to time I hit a bump in the road and may need a question answered right?? So I take my ass on over to Yahoo Answers and ask. But I never get my questions answered or if they are answered I get a dumb fuck answer or some lonely douchebag giving me a lecture when it's apparent they spend too much time on that fucked up website—


Anyway.

So they pissed me off last night saying I'm a whore this and I'm evil because of well I get to that in the next post. Remind me ok lol.


This because of that I posted a fucking questionnaire for the so called smart and intelligente men and demigods out there.


So if you ever have a moment just do something like this:



(SKIP TO THE BOTTOM if you don't wanna read it, it's ok I won't be mad ok besides I know it's a bunch lol just look for the cute divider down there)


Ok I had a few Demi-Gods give me some crazy advice so now I'm going to be a grown woman and ask and I appreciate your answers ok


What's a good woman to you?

Where do you go to find her?

Looks vs Personality which do you chose?

Name something more important than sex

STEAL is to STALE like 57341 is to...

14375
51473
57413
14573

Would hook up with a girl like her below?? Why or why not?
www.facebook.com/itzmzbunny


Would I be wrong if I said that girl is a stupid college drop out thats a total bum who's a selfish wh•re that's totally insecure nerd who daydreams more than accepting reality for what it's worth. I also think she's slutty too with a funky a•s attitude. She's got B•••h written all over her with her nasty piercings. I bet all the men she been with gave her a slew of kids too!


Anyway

Pick 1:

Good Sense of Humour
Honesty
Trustworthy
Kinky

Do you believe in that fairy tale ending type of life? (wife & kids story ya kno)

Rhetorical Question: Still wondering about that girl above?

How old do you think people should be to get married?

True or False: Men do you think women should be like Barbie?? (I mean have a million jobs, great shape, long hair, etc)


Wondering why I did this?? I'll tell you in 3 questions


3. Did you know most good women aren't in the bars and such but are at stuck at home?

2 Did you know that we as humans accept the wrong doings because we hope for something better??

1. Did you know that girl above up there, yea her—I'm that girl.

You know I've had more guys dog me, be mean to me, hurt me and treat me badly before ever considering any kind of relationship with me. I was told I'm only be a mistress, a baby mama, a quick f••k for when he wants. Apparently me graduating 4th in my high school class makes me stupid. My leaving because my dad died and I couldn't afford to go any more makes me unsuccessful and useless. My staying at home taking care of my elderly mom makes me a bum or a mooch. Me reading, writing or learning about another culture makes me a nerd. I fell in love with a man who didn't have the decency to tell me he was married. One guy made me walk home on a old winter night at 11 at because I wouldn't have sex with him or give him gas money to see his baby mamma.

I'm judged for being defensive and cautious. I'm judged for speaking my mind. I'm judged if I spell a word wrong by accident and seen as illiterate. However if I mention that I love the word pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism I'm being a smarta•s troll. I'm unladylike because I cuss like a sailor. But I'm bourgeois ghetto for wanting to go to a restaurant that has linen napkins, chinaware and flute & wine glassware.

Dammit I like to knit as a hobby for Pete's sake I love arts and crafts.

I'm even judged for wanting to be a single mom. But given the track record you can't blame me right.

Someone's gonna say I'm being petty or I want a pity party or something offensive.

But I'm not I'm just proving a point.


You shouldn't judge a book by its cover or contents. Believe me I understand that.

I'm not saying I'm looking for a guy who owns his own company or works as a CEO for a fortune 500 conglomerate.

You don't need to know how to write a business proposal or know the algebraic equation. As far as I'm concern a college degree doesn't measure intelligence like age doesn't measure maturity.

Yea sex is important to everyone—women included. But it doesn't make the world go round and round. It just populates the world.

But I don't think I deserve to be oust by men entirely just because of a few flaws or mishaps in my life.

No I may not have had a boyfriend or gone on a real date. I even got dumped at my senior prom and he was just a friend—But I think at my age which is damn near 25. I think I'm capable enough of knowing what kind of man I want in my life. Yes I have a mean streak that pops up every now and then–I have a low BS tolerance ok lol. I'm clumsy and a cry baby and I listen to music to make me happy when I'm feeling sad. I'm not much of a cooker but I know if I can learn to drive in due time I can learn to cook. No marriage ain't my thing I think it's time consuming and frustrating but I'd give it try too. You're suppose to try everything once, right??

My family is the creators of dysfunctional families everywhere. And all I've got close to me is a mom. A mom who was married for 45+ years to her childhood sweetheart—who was my dad. Did I mention he was white?? Yea my mom is black too btw. I'm the only child but I'm not some spoiled rotten brat doll. I'm not super model thin and I definitely don't look like Barbie.

But in all that I know I'm a good person.

And for anybody on here if you have to be mean and judge and say outlandish wrong stuff to people because they're asking a simple question is beyond F•CKED UP!!

But I'll admit one thing I've learned

Karma is a bitch and it'll hurt when it comes back your way. I had to learn that the hard way.


Anyways!!

Thank you for doing this for me I appreciate it a lot lol





FINALLY GOT THAT OVER AND DONE WITH!! LOL

Anyways.

The reason I did that was because I don't like people who throw in their two cents but it's Canadian money (no offense)!! It's like when you tryna use your quarter in the bubble gum, candy, soda pop machine and you twist and turn, push and shove and you cant figure out why it's not working and you realize this is Canadian Money!!! AWW FUCK!! is what you say and you give yourself a full cavity search in hopes of finding a quarter and you realize you wasted your time and still didn't get what you went there for. I know we all have had that moment. For me it was college the ultimate useless candy machine lol


Anyway if you show people or let them know you won't take no shit and just basically troll they asses. Trust me they'll get the motherfucking picture real quick!!



And so yea that's how you prove a point ^_^

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did XD LMFAO


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A March Tidbit

So yesterday I awoke to the sound of the tv blaring a basketball game. It was Vanderbilt vs. Kentucky and even thought was like the tail end of the game, the sounds of basketball rang loud and clear in my sleepy ears. Made think back to when I was a kid.


I dunno how many of you get excited over the March Madness but I never did. Really wasn't important to me. Until one day at school it became a homework assignment. I remember being in elementary with my pigtail wearing lil self and coming home with the bracket sheet and asking my dad to help me. We went through it and he explained everything like it was a math problem. But I knew he could do it, my father was a very intelligent man. So to me it was a big deal lol. So he would make copies and sign and date it like parents do and I would get my points. But it was the watching of the basketball games with him that made it worth while. To see him happy and excited made me happy and excited. And usually when he filled the bracket sheets out he would be wrong by one or two if that!! But was pretty good at it.


As I got older into my teen years he would always ask if they passed the sheets out or not. I think he began to enjoy it. And I remember maybe my junior year of high school and my teacher passed out the sheets and he said for every one we got right we'd get XXpoints plus the points for doing the worksheet. So I brought it home and asked my dad if he would fill it out and I threw in my 3 cents like always lol. So when I took the sheet back to school my teacher noticed the handwriting was different. He asked why and I said my dad filled it out. It's not like you specified who was to fill it out. I don't know who's going to win oppose to who's going to lose its not really my thing you told me to have it completed and brought back to you. So he said well next time you fill it out but I'll give you half credit. I said fine, like said earlier it didn't matter to me either way in the first place. Well this time around my dad happened to get them all right. Down to the very final team. It was like a mad science.

After the March Madness was over my teacher asked if my dad could come in and talk to him. I said ok I'd let him know. And my dad did that and asked if it was a problem with me (was sorta bad from time to time hahaha). The teacher said no, I just wanted to know how you filled the sheet out(?). My dad laughed and said "Why, Because I got them all right this time??"

The teacher said well no sir laughing, "This is the first time I seen someone actually fill the sheet out and then get all right. It blew my mind to be honest sir"

So my dad asked, "Well of that's the case does my daughter get her points?"

The teacher said no because she was suppose to fill it out. So my dad laughed again well next time I'll just give her the answers. And my teacher laughed and said but I'll give her dued points irregardless for a job well done.

My dad smiled happily and said, "Well then that's all that matters maybe next year I can get it right!"



Unfortunately the following year my dad didn't get it right and missed a couple. My teacher said to me what happened?! I said I dunno and giggled. Because I found it amusing thy he was so astonished at how my dad was able to fill out the bracket sheet and get all of the teams and winners and champions right without a mistake.

My dad did get another one right (makes two that I remember) but by that time I was in college. And they didn't believe in such silly nonsense lol.


But to me just remembering something like that made me happy and all warm and fuzzy. Made me reminisce those nights on the couch with my dad watching the games and cheering when he did. Listening to his anecdotal reasoning on why the player did this or why the player did that. Of course he would know he was a basketball player in High School, the military and college.


So I thought I share that memory with you guys lol. It made me sorta happy and I hope you enjoyed it too o(^▽^)o




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For Da Love of MONEY

I thought I shared this little tidbit with you Guyz, Dollz & Groupiez.

I got this info from an email and the other day actually I was reading it like WTF is this bullship?? So I got another email same shit, and I'm like really?? You're still doing this??

Because in all honesty I find it to be quite crazy and full of nonsense. Why?? Well I shall tell you. I'm going to post what the email said, then continuing reading to the bottom before you get all geeky and bonerific on me lol ok??



Below are some of the hottest career education paths and estimated salaries reported by the BLS

{Career Path.........Median Salary}

Medical Billing................$31,326*

Video Game Designer....$43,410*

Nurse..............................$56,880*

Teacher..........................$49,400*

Programmer...................$84,310*

Accountant.....................$58,020*

Police Officer..................$47,270*

Counselor.......................$45,550*

Paralegal........................$43,510*

Media Designer..............$52,530*


*Median salaries according to the BLS


Now. To me I find this odd. More like crazy. It's not the salaries or jobs or whatever because even I know they change. But I find it odd that after all these years they are posting the "hottest" or "best" job out there in society to snatch up. However when you're in high school trying to find something to do with your future life you know nothing about still, or you've just graduated college after Majoring in Applied Psychology or Medical Assisting or Cosmetology & Nail Art (when I graduated high school a beautician, nail technician or nail shop owner & medical assistant were big jobs then and that was 2005) and they got new "info" out on what the best jobs are. Why?? Why are you doing this?? So if I were back in school and I go to school to be let's say a Media Designer & take XX years to earn my degree and training, I'm going to most likely be jobless because a Firefighter, Ballerina & Fortune 500 CEO are going to be the best jobs??? WHY THE FUCK DID I WASTE MY TIME FOR THEN IF THAT'S THE CASE??? If you know the damned answer tell me now, not after I wasted my time and effort and sweat, tears and mental anguish into a subject, into material, INTO A JOB that's on the bottom or I can't get into—AT ALL.

The hell kind of Fuckery is that??

That's like saying well the sale starts today at 5pm 60% off everything. Then 2 weeks later all the shit I brought will be on sale but for 95% off but I can't return the stuff I brought or get a refund because it's in that cute little barely readable terms and conditions storybook shit at the bottom that got "magically" smudged and it's my fault for not noticing that I only had 4days to get a store exchange which only lasts for 1 day.

WTF yo?!


People are so money hungry they've become stupid and illiterate. I can't help but chuckle at the stupidity.





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