Kwanzaa | Ujima | Collective Work & Responsibility

 Ujima means Collective Work & Responsibility

"To build and maintain our community together and make our brother's and sister's problems our problems and to solve them together."

This one is HUGE. Or at least it is to me. I feel like in my relationship my boyfriend lacks this a lot. Now don't get the wrong idea—I'm not bashing him. But I'm pointing out things I've noticed that bother me that I hope helps someone else figure their relationship or give that missing piece to the puzzle. I've looked all over the Internet to figure out our problems and nothing. Friends tell me to leave him alone which is what I want to do. And he wants to make it work but we're stuck in a loophole and can't seem to get out of it. 

So with that. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions. He plays it off. Says it wasn't him, or I'm making stuff or I've mistaken him for another bloke. And I haven't. But also on the same token I'm one for blame as well. I didn't take responsibility to voice how I felt and felt that if I ignored it or do small punishments (like not talking to him) that would solve the problem as well. But it didn't. So unfortunately he still won't own up to his actions which is going to constantly be an issue for me. And me now voicing how I feel is a problem to him as well. It can be worked on and fixed. But he's not willing to say oh yeah I messed up or I shouldn't have said that I'm sorry—instead of placing the blame on me and getting out of being blamed. 

Within that relationship flaw. We don't work together well. I try make his problems my problem and figure out. But he's not so considerate of me. I remember once a few months back I needed money to park like a few dollars. He told me no and to not buy lunch. I told him I don't have enough money to park let alone to buy lunch. And he says not his problem. Then there's riding my car until it's empty and refuses to fill it up. But when he would ride me around I always gave him $20 or $40. Because I know that's a cost and it's expensive. But I don't get the same consideration back. Hell we went on a "date" the other night and he borrowed the money from me to take me out and promised to pay me back and hasn't. Probably never will. I'm not ok with that. Because when something serious comes along I already know I can never depend on you.