Kwanzaa | Kujichagulia | Self-Determination

Kujichagulia means Self Determination. 

"To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves."

I think a lot of times in a relationship the sense of self goes to the back burner. Then being too self aware compromises the relationship as well. Here's what I mean. With my boyfriend I noticed that I was trying so hard to be something he wanted and liked that I for went being myself. Being Bunny. So when he finally saw the real me and saw my ugly side. It wasn't what he liked. And he was disgusted. And still gets his boxers in a bunch over it. But because I did that short moment of being something else. He got comfortable and used to "her" so to speak. Which is wrong. But he also wanted to fix the "real me" and mold me like play doh and be something I wasn't comfortable with and if I didn't speak up when I did about it, we were going  o continue to have an issue. 

However on the same token; he's too self aware. It's like to his disadvantage because he doesn't want to change or make room for improvements. He's like something you get on clearance at a store that's going out of business. You don't know it's broken until you get home and open it up the next day. And you can't take it back or change it and it's like well you accept it as is, put it in storage somewhere or throw it away. Don't get me wrong. I love and care about him. But there's a lot he needs to improve and change as a person to make our relationship work that he's not willing to do. Because he's comfortable and he makes it well known you have to accept that. Like getting a new job is something he wants to do but doesn't because he's comfortable but complains the job doesn't pay enough. But knows that with us and the kids more money is needed. No matter what motivation I give to him he doesn't budge or change or pep up—NOTHING. I'm fine with him changing when he wants to and feels most comfortable. However in a relationship there's many changes and we need to continue to build the relationship to something we not only invested in but what we love, cherish and can be a lasting memory. 

So I think it's good to be aware or self. But not too much that you compromise the relationship. Also on the same token not forget who you are as an individual. I think that's a major role in a relationship and has the most impact on whether the relationship survives or dies.