An [Un]Missed Opportunity

So even though I have a job, I'm not too thrilled about it and it's not my favorite but I appreciate the money that comes with it actually. I just don't feel it's necessary to bust my ass like a slave and still get peanuts in the end. However I'm happy that someone finally gave me the chance I had been asking and wanting for years that I couldn't get because I wasn't good enough. This job lacks a lot of things I need, like benefits and job security.

In midst of all this I've been looking for extra work, one that provides me with the things that I need and hopefully I happen upon a job that gives me everything that I'm asking for and I'll be happy and well contented with that. What I've been doing is looking for jobs and applying to tons of places until I get something else. I already let them know I wasn't giving them a two weeks notice, if I find something I'm leaving. Unfortunately over the month or so I've been working at my job, I've applied to probably over 50 jobs or so. I've had two interviews and about 10 who claimed to be interested in me even though I don't think they really were. In addition to looking for jobs and applying to jobs that I see here and there, I get updates via email where they give me job postings of supposed "job openings" some are well over expired or lead to a bogus site, or claimed to have been filled months ago.

This morning while checking my email, I'm looking at the job postings email and I came across a few places that I applied for. Then I came across one that caught my eye. Fashion and Cosmetic Marketing Representative. For a moment I sat there in awe, because I was shocked, happy and feeling slighted someway.


When I was in college, and had to get ready to plan my life like an adult. Honestly I'll say I wasn't ready for it and probably wouldn't've been. But I knew it was something I had to do and that it needed to be done the right way. So in looking for jobs that not only fit my college major but would be beneficial as an entry level job. Unfortunately at the time Pittsburgh had little to nothing that suit my pursuit in finding a job that corresponded with my major. Which meant I had to look at jobs away from Pittsburgh, I found 3. Those three jobs were in New York, California and Florida. Three different jobs but three good jobs and great entry level jobs. As I spent more time planning this and getting this together, and talking with my Dad about it. I decided that I wanted to go to New York. Cali was too far and Florida had hurricanes. So my Dad said to choose the best opportunity, and if New York was it then go for it. So I start looking for housing in New York and decided to live in Forest Hills, Queens and I would commute to work in Manhattan until times got better. Then I also found a place in Soho and it was a lot of planning and the more time I put into this, the more I thought I'm going to be living in New York by myself. It was a scary thought but it was also so exciting. I couldn't wait until graduation and move to New York and work as a Fashion and Cosmetic Marketing Representative.

Unfortunately, my life took another route, but I still thought that I could move to New York and make it. It never worked out. Mind you this was 7 years ago. Now 7 years later, here I see my dream job and honestly deep down I want to take it, I want to apply. Then on the other side of the coin, I really don't want to. It defeats the purpose. I needed this opportunity years ago. When I think about it, and think if thinks had worked out where I could've gone to New York and made it work, my Dad would've still died, my mom wouldn't've wanted to move to New York and the cost would be too great and I'd probably be in an even unhappier situation. Or something unthinkable even!

Even though this opportunity was presented in front of me again, I don't think I'll take it. I already know I won't get it because I don't meet the qualifications they're looking for and then I have to wonder would I be happy doing something that I thought was cool at 20 years of age?? Probably not. A lot of things I wanted at 20 are things I no longer want and now have to consider what the fuck was I thinking??? Lol.

But you know what?? Call it a missed opportunity, I call it unmissed because if it can present itself to me again with everything I need then, that I don't need now. Then it really wasn't worth in the beginning. Besides why waste my time with people who are looking for perfection?? I rather work my 5 jobs and continue doing what I'm doing until I get something better, by my hard work and determination. Not by what school I went to, and what major I own. I've seen tons of college graduates who lack in everyday survival skills. I maybe a college drop out and considered irresponsible because I don't have a man or kids to tend to and piercings galore....but I know how to survive, even the worst of the worst.