Switched

Hi kids!

It's been a long while since I last talked you guys and dolls. It's was about the Flea Market as a matter of fact. We did do good the second day but honestly I personally would never participate again. It's troublesome and the people are ridiculous with the unnecessary negotiation of the sales. Like what the hell?? 

Anyway hopefully sometime this week I'll be moving back into the house. I sort of passed the inspection except they have me a violation for the bathroom not being "completed" which makes no sense of whatsoever. But whatever. Unfortunately one of the fish died yesterday. I think the water I had was still too cold for him and he died, came back to life and started swimming upside down. But when I put him in new water he died. Poor Orenji got flushed to fishie heaven. Tragic. 

But Raiden is doing fine, attitudinal as always. And Hawthorn has gotten fat lol but he's still a handful. I'll have to make a category just for all the craziness he done!! 

I decided a month or maybe it was two months ago, that I wanted to do a party. Just some good old fashioned fun. No theme no nothing. Just bring yourselves and let's enjoy small talk and delicious food mellow kind of party. Unfortunately I couldn't do it in October. So I'm shooting for this month on the 23rd. But everyone's been asking me is it a housing warming party. Well no, it's not a new house and I'm moving back in to the place I've lived majority of my life in, that's pretty awkward if you ask me. Very awkward. Some have called it an appreciation party, a Thanksgiving party....well no it's just a party. Does a party need a theme to be fun?? Or just to enjoy people's company??

In midst of doing my party invitations last night. I guess I got overwhelmed and frustrated. I couldn't help but think of what else my aunt had said to me. She asked me if I was going to invite any of the people I went to college with or "close friends" to the party. I said no. She asked me why not, I mean why would I?? They're not even interested in spending a day with me just to hang out and do whatever let alone come to something I'm hosting that's important to me. She suggested that I should at least consider it. I said no I won't. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful. I just refuse to get excited on over who have nothing but excuses for me. They say they're coming and don't show up or they give some lame sad ass excuse as to why they can't come. To be honest since majority of them have kids, I would much prefer they didn't bring their little rug rats to my house. 

However the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. All my invitees are no where near my age. A good majority are older. I want to make enough food for everyone but then I don't want to make too much and no one comes and I'm stuck with all that food. I also don't want to put in the effort to cook and no one wants to eat because they feel I don't know what I'm doing. It made wonder also why do I have a stove?? The only thing I like to do really is bake and so far not too many people has been excited over my bake goods. I think I've thrown away more cake and cupcakes these last two weeks than any store can. I even panicked at the fact I don't have enough seating for everyone. 

But I think once I got my nap last night my mind came to clear and even though those insecurities still bother me. I just have to bite the bullet and accept things for what they're worth. If people come fine, if they don't that fine too. If they eat my cooking fine and if they don't that's fine too. If they don't like cats, that's too bad because little Hawthorn is allowed to roam free in our house. But we'll see what happens. 

I do know one thing. I won't be cooking anything after this. I'm sticking to the microwaving. Cooking is meant for those who have families and kids. Just like baking is meant for those that have someone to enjoy it. Since I don't have that, I don't see a point in it. Even thought I really like baking a lot. What's the point of having 48 cupcakes in various sizes and no one wants to eat them or waits until I'm gone to throw it away so they won't hurt my feelings?? 

Being a woman is a major drag when there's nothing going on in your life. I'm just saying lol. 

My aunt also asked what I would be doing for the Thanksgiving Holiday. I told her nothing then because it was the truth. She like everyone else, thinks I'm going to be invited over for the holiday but personally I don't have a need to celebrate any holiday since they're all centered around couples, families or children. Three things I don't have. But I did change my mind. I decided the week of Thanksgiving, after my party, I'm going to visit my parents' at the cemetery. Maybe take little Hawthorn with me too. Then me and him will spend the day watching tv or a movie or something. I may even get back into knitting or latch hooking. Because after this party I've decided not to make any more interaction with humans. I just don't have the patience to deal with someone else's unstable personality and lifestyle while still trying to maintain my own. In addition to having a cat!! That's just wait too much on my Hefty Plate lol.