Keep Calm & Be Restless

Hi kids! 

It's been awhile. I always seem to find my way back to you guys when I'm having an epidemic in my life. Honestly I need to stop that. I need to post the happy times too. 

Anyway a catch up right?? February I went down to North Carolina with my friend to her grandmother's burial. Honestly I enjoyed being in the country life. It was nice and I loved it. I even considered moving down there one day. The driving sucks because everything's spread out but I enjoyed the atmosphere, the weather and the people were friendly. 

Next, I still hated my job. But I'll get to that in a moment. Had a brief altercation with my roommate. He decided to start acting like an ass and felt the $150 was set for the entire year. Um no sir it's not. Two you're not going to tell me what I can and cannot do in my house. Thirdly you can't stay here for free and expect me to clean up after you. I'm not your wife or your mom. You got me on several levels of fucked up. So even after that he still chose to act the hell up. And feel it's necessary to question me what I'm doing and be the first one in my business. No—wrong again. You're not paying me enough to question me or have a front row seat in my business. Plus I was pissed when he spilled some bullshit in my oven and didn't clean it. And then made a mess on the stove and didn't clean it. Like I'm not at home for you to give me chores. Since payment is LATE once again. He's on verge of eviction. Because I cannot. I'm not going to be supporting two people and you acting the hell up. 

In the midst of this bullshit. I got fired from my job at the IRS about 2 weeks ago. Honestly I wasn't surprised. Actually my last day I was on the verge of crying and wishing that I could go home. And BAM! I get called into the principal's office and they let me know I'm going to be terminated or to save my record I could resign. Which I decided to do—resign like I wanted to do back in February. Unfortunately it's been really hard for me to find a new job. I feel like I've been blackballed. Everyone I've tried I get a step away from being hired and get an immediate no or no call back. It's been frustrating because I'm behind in bills, I applied for Unemployment and now I'm just waiting. I've been trying to get help and get attitude or nothing at all. I'm on the verge of possibly losing my house too. And I just can't deal with this extra stress. I'm trying my best to have faith but slowly I'm losing hope because I don't know what else to do besides selling my house, and trying to get an apartment. Or if push comes to shove moving to a new state all together. But still I try. 

Last but not least. My ex is working my nerves. Not only is he defying the break up. But he feels I don't have a choice and have to be with him. Because that's what he wants and I don't have a choice. I feel like he's not with me because he loves me or bring something to his life that he's never got before. No I'm treated like a side chick who he has minimal use for. He can borrow my car, have a place to stay, borrow money from. The whole while knowing I'm in a fucked up position and he's never gonna help me. Shit my car been without a headlight since LAST OCTOBER I just got a new head light that I HAD TO PUT IN! Like I'm so fucking done. I gotta argue with you about my car!? Like I have shit to do and I'm not your chauffeur. I gotta listen to him whine and complain and treat me badly. Like no. I'm over it. I'm not trying to be miserable and I'm not trying to forced into a relationship I don't want to be in. He's not benefiting me in anyway, and he takes rejoice when I'm doing badly. I'm not ok with men treating me like that. Shit I even tried to move on. And the next dude was the SAME EXACT WAY. I cut that shit off immediately. I can't do it no more. Getting too old for these games. But I do know one thing. I'll be 30 this year....I'll be damned if I'm going to continue this nonsense in my 30s. I'm cool.