Keep Calm & November

Hi kids!!

It's been forever right??

I've missed you guys and dolls so much! You all don't know how many days I needed to talk to you well mostly vent. But couldn't since I was so busy.

So quick update!

I had to go check and hadn't realized I haven't posted something since August! Damn. Sorry about that. Around that time I had started a second job. So I was working 16hours a day. From 7am to 11pm. Honestly I was tired and exhausted. All just I can afford to live. How lame is that?

In the midst of all this I've been getting the runaround basically. On whether I'm pregnant or not. I got sick and was in and out of the hospital a lot. And the doctors told me yes I was pregnant. To no I'm not pregnant. Yo I have a yeast infection which is caused by my having to pee so much, which is caused by my backache which I hurt at work for heavy lifting (I work in a call center calling people or taking calls). Oh! And I've gained weight for over eating (didn't know one meal a day and a two snacks was over eating). But yet my tummy is growing. My clothes don't fit. And I never had a yeast infection.

But with all of that. My boyfriend of almost two years. Still feels it's not his, it wasn't him and he wants nothing to do with it. What's crazy he was here with me at my house for a whole month which is the same time I got pregnant so I couldn't cheat if I'm with you 24/7.... we worked together so yeah. I'll be honest I love him to death and he means the world to me. But it's like me getting pregnant has ruined everything—for him. It's like sir we're both grown and know what we getting ourselves into. Don't act like this is something new for you. Especially since he has 3 kids already. So not only has he been an ass about that issue. He's been very inconsistent, shady and just horrible to me. Like he did a full 360 on me with his personality. All I can think of if we did get married is this how you gonna act with me? Leaving and not telling me where you're going, little to no contact, I gotta keep asking you to do something for me or listen to you bitch or tell me it's not your responsibility. You're mad I'm pregnant. He even got mad when I got the second job saying I wasn't making enough time for him. Even mad now I got a new job. It's like what the fuck. I bust ass and do everything for him but I can't even get him to be considerate of me, my feelings or my needs. So I've reached the end of my rope where I care about him but I can't imagine being in this relationship another year. Especially if he's going to continue to keep things from me. And disrespect my child. Hell I haven't even met his kids. And he acts like he doesn't want me. Like I feel like he purposely keeps me out of his life. So I just can't anymore. I'm too tired to deal with the nonsense.

So between his bullshit, and the bullshit from both jobs. I was stressed beyond belief. Then my uncle died unexpectedly. And my aunt his wife turned into a real douchebag. Between not telling me how sick he was, how and when he died to not even giving me the correct info on his funeral. It was trying time believe you me.

But I decided to quit my morning job I had for a whole year. And in the midst of that I got offered for a job at the IRS. One I've been trying to get for years. And I couldn't be happier. It's a good job with good benefits and decent pays. And opens a VAST DOORS of opportunity for me. That's what I need. That's what my unborn child needs. I want to be in the position to take care of myself, my household and still provide a decent lifestyle with no issues or struggles. Which as my boyfriend says makes no sense. And it would've been best to stay at my other job. Yeah $9 an hour isn't going to help with my expenses. But $16 will. I need good benefits. If I'm able to get an even better job then that's a perfect start. Since he feels I don't have any responsibilities. That's cool. I still have a house, a car, two cats and a baby to care for. And whatever I do shouldn't matter since he's not helping me. Oh and to top it all off my second job I was working nights, forced me to quit because I got a new job and they were pissed.

SO!

Got a new job. That I love and happy to have. Regardless of what the doctors and hospitals say, I'm not getting karate kicked in the gut for nothing. I know there's something in there and I can feel it. And food cravings are a bitch. Why would I want bacon flavored broccoli covered in cheese mid day while learning about my new job??? Hell tonight I wanted a milkshake!! Last week I was on a shredded wheat kick—it's been a pain in my ass. My jeans don't fit. Even the ones I had for YEARS! I tried on my old scrubs pants. I had those when I was a serious fattie those are getting tight. So how is it that pants I wore last week or two weeks ago don't fit this week? My feet are swollen that I needed to buy new shoes. Lets not start on the break out going on with my face. Hell its 3am and I want to eat. But I had a big dinner. Plus my nails and hair have been growing like crazy! My hair is down to my shoulders it was super short 6 months ago! Well I will say, I hope for a little girl. That would be nice. But I'll also be happy with a boy. I do hope my baby is happy & healthy. And they know how much I truly love them. And I'm working hard to take care of us.

But now that I do have a new job! I do have extra time. I have been knitting a lot lately. I would like to make a blanket. Still figuring that one out. That means I will also have time to spend with you guys and dolls and my friends too! And I'm so excited. Even with my job that is seasonal. I'm permanent and will always have a job but I will have a life and be closer to home and can always get another job if needed and that's a plus!

So I'm alive and kicking and doing just find kids.

You'll be hearing more from me as well!

So stay tuned! I'll have plenty of stories to tell you.

Did I mention my hair is back to being burgundy?? Lol