A Faded Valentine

When I was a little kid I always had a fondness of Valentine's Day. Seeing everyone flutter about in love and those who are twitterpated. It was a magical thing that I always looked forward to with whoever my future lover might have been. As I grew older I started to dislike it. Why?? You know in school you make your Valentine bag and then you have a Valentine's party and pass out cards and treats. Yeah I was always excited to participate. Always got the perfect Valentine's that would make everybody happy and the right kind of treat for the party that was equally as great. Yet I rarely got a Valentine's, or even candy. I got what the teacher or whoever brought but that was as far as it went for me. At first it was okay and I just smiled it off and say next year I'll get more!

Then next year would come and I still get next to none. I remember once in 4th grade of elementary school, I was about 10 years old or so, I had just switched schools a month prior to Valentine's. I didn't have many friends, even though I tried to be friendly but not too many wanted to befriend me, especially the girls in my class. So when Valentine's came around, I did my same routine of buying cute Valentines and I do believe I got cupcakes or something like that. Well we made our bag and everything was coming along nicely. Well the Valentine's Day party showed up and I got one valentine, from a boy. The class thought it funny how everyone skipped my table except for the one boy giving me. Maybe after being picked on by the other kids, just maybe that was the reason he never really talked to me no matter how hard I tried to be friends with him. I guess that's when I began to despise the Hallmark themed holiday. My parents would encourage me and say well when you get your boyfriend he'll give you plenty of Valentines and Candies and make you ever so happy. Then I went into teenhood and got nothing then. Not even a wishful Happy Valentine's Day Bunny! Nothing. Still I was hopeful. I went to high school confident. But within those four years, I had to be tortured by other girls who got something whether it be chocolates or flowers even balloons and stuffed animals. I had a girlfriend once by me a flower. It was nice but you don't want to get flowers from your friend.

Even though my Dad always celebrated and brought me the things I like. After awhile it just wasn't the same any more. My parents always thought of me on holidays, hell that's what good parents do! But when you want someone else to dote on you, give you all of their attention, and show you the move intimate forms of love there is....That has to be something great. A feeling never to be duplicated in any way or form.

Yet here I sit damn near 26, and I've never gotten to be someone's Valentine. Never gotten flowers, not even chocolates or candies. No stuff animals, and nothing to boast about the day after. Nothing—

Sounds pitiful doesn't it?? So I have to then think, why fight for a life long relationship when I can't even get a boyfriend, or ever have my first date, or even celebrate Valentine's like you see people do every year?? Apparently I'm wasting my time, by banging my head on this wall that apparently doesn't want to move or even budge for me in any way or form.



Of the 3 holidays I hate the most....Valentine's tops the list.

つづく