The Renewal: Standing In The Way Of Control

Thus we are picking up where we left off.

So Monday arrived quicker than misunderstanding between a man, his wife and a mistress. I finally got a lot of paper work accomplish and had to piece the rest together. Dreading the whole fiasco. I ended up not leaving at 7am even though I was up. I left around 10:30 to go make copies. Got in some serious Christmas time traffic and then finally got my copies and was back on the road by 11:30 this morning.

I went a different way to get there instead of going all the way around. So I got to the Parking lot I park in around 11:50 which wasn't bad and had to scoop up some quarters and pack my bag. The whole morning I've had a stomachache. Like this whole process fucks with me mentally and one day I know for sure in going to have ulcers. But then I was afraid because I don't want to be told no. I want to ask and hear yes for once. Not always No, No, No, No. It can do some serious damage even though it's a small word.


So I get myself together and prepared and walk to the public welfare office. I signed in at 12:17pm. Head up stairs an there's a good 100 of people and babies and I'm like what the shit is this?? So the security guard hands me this gold paper and said to wait for my number to e called and grab a seat if I can find one. Well it was more than obvious there was not one available seat and everybody else was standing or leaning. The number I got was 68, I don't know what's more depressing the fact there's a possibility of 67 people in front of me or that this is just to talk to the greeter and get a new number and wait some more. Apparently this was something new and they decided to try it out today. Bad choice if you ask me.


Then around 12:30pm this wild woman appears who is louder than a football game, talking about she's being taken advantage of, didn't receive all her welfare check and she got two kids and she just got off work. And how she start work at 8/9ish am. Then screams her number across the room like we are all deaf. It's like why? Must you act like an ass? So because she was a "regular" she got special treatment like they usually do. So here I am seatless and pissed off, but somewhat happy because I'm two numbers behind her. When my number got called I gave the woman my application for medical and told her I wanted to turn in my Renewal papers and ask a few questions, because when I was there on Thursday I didn't get my questions answered. The woman, I was talking to said that was fine and gave me a black card number at 1:05 and then I got a seat. Unfortunately my black card number was 95 and they were currently on 65. Black card 66 was called at 1:15 so you know what this was like for me. At 1:20pm this woman begins to snap the hell out, and everyone stops to look. So she's mad at the top flight security guard for calling somebody (or all of us) a motherfucker. Then the woman went and told her boss and the boss sent the security guard chick downstairs to the main lobby.


1:35 card 70 was finally called and I'm like I still got 25 people in front of me. I sat there patiently and chatted it up with the Grandma sitting next to me telling me how everything was bullshit. But I felt kind of sorry for her, she said she fell last month and went to the hospital and turned out needing hip surgery on both hips! Unfortunately while she was in the hospital re-cooperating  she missed her renewal appointment and they cut her food stamps and tried to give her a hard time. So she had to come in with all her medical papers and bills just to prove to them she was in the hospital sick. I'm thinking the whole while what exactly does that mean?? The preggos and baby mamas come in pitch and bitch and they cater the fuck out them better than any catering service in the world. It was absolutely ridiculous. Another woman came in with her sick baby to get corrected benefits and for her renewal. Unfortunately she was sick in the hospital and they had to induce her labor at 35 weeks and her baby was only 4 pounds, here's the worst part she just had the baby two weeks ago!! It was madness in there!

By 2:50 Black card 80 was called. By this time, not only was the woman from earlier talking about her skipped benefits and two babies still roaming about pitching a bitch. But this man started this crazy argument with this other old woman sitting on the other side of me. He's mad because Obama hasn't done this and hasn't done that, well what the fuck, he's only one person he damn sure aint super human in anyway. He may have some power but it's not enough to make a big enough change within this country to expect a greater cause and better future. Just like I won't get my loans written off or a job if other people won't band together and help one another out and take this to Congress and don't back down from what we feel and believe in. I was devastated when they said well before Thanksgiving that they wanted to cut food stamps all together because people were collecting them that didn't really need them. So what punish everybody?? That's pretty messed up. Unfortunately unlike the TV program with breaks and commercials in between, this man ran his mouth non stop for the next hour. Then 3:45 black card 90 or 91 was called, so I was happy. Usually around that time, it goes a lot faster and you get what you need to get done. But Monday it seemed like the case workers were more involved with taking 50 lunch breaks or cigarette breaks than working like they should've been. While I waited, I chatted with a girl who took the old cussing grandma's seat, and the old lady arguing with the douchewaffle. I'm thinking DUDE SHUT UP, IF YOU SUCH A PHILOSOPHER WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING IN THE WELFARE OFFICE??? 


Around 3:50 or so, I finally got my number called. Unfortunately I ended up with another dumb female. Who not only told me that wasn't her desk or usual "seat" but couldn't really help because the one who was there before her never logged out of the computer system. Oh yes that's real helpful for now. So I gave her my papers and asked her about getting medical. Now she told me only disabled people get medical, but then I asked about the sustaining medication thing. In which you receive medical based on needing life-sustaining medications. She asked if I had a doctor to fill the form out and I said well no, not yet. She said when I fill out the application to turn the paperwork in with it. Well wait a minute that's not what the woman said to me on Thursday  So she says well to be considered for that type of medical you would have to have that form filled out first. So not only did I waste my time filling out that 20 paged application for the third time, but it's automatically going to canceled and I'll have to do it again. What type of shit is that?? Then, I ask her about employment. She told me the same thing the woman on Friday told me and I said I've tried that. So she goes on to insult me and say try the fast food they always need people. I have, they've told me no. Tried every place possible and did everything I could. She then says well I'm shocked because I've never heard anybody having such a hard time. So it was basically well go here and try them and do this and do that crap. I was tired of the bullshit really. So then I asked her about is dental included with the medical. She said well you're only going to get partial medical, basically for just one or two check-ups a year and medication depending on what it is and that's if welfare approves my application with or without the forms. So she told me to try this and try that and I'm like I have. I'm doing the best I can here lady but it seems like no one wants to give me a chance or they've got all these prerequisite requirements that I don't qualify for under any circumstance. Then she told me to grab this other form for the doctor so it'll be hire possibility that I get medical and the form is about how I "disabled" in some way or form and cannot work because of my medical issue. I felt not only is that wrong, that's not helping me as far as my student loan debt goes and I told her that as well. So she ended it with "I wish you the best of luck honey!" I was ticked off, it was 4:09 and when I got to the car all I wanted to was cry with the heavy rain that was falling.


I mean how do you expect me to do anything and then withhold information or tell me I'm not good enough for this or that. How I need to go back to school or gain experience when no one's offering to help me succeed those two things since I'm not able to do so on my own. So all I could think of is how the first caseworker I saw told me if I wanted any type of help, I needed to get pregnant. Dammit if that's not looking like a good option, because I don't know what else to do. I'm tried of trying my best and still getting the door slammed in my face like I'm not allowed to exist. The worst part about that is, finding a guy just to do it as a favor is difficult, finding rainbow colored poop is easier to find honestly. Then I refuse to even look because I don't want to hear I pulled out or we need a condom or hoping for sex when you want it or being available during my period type bullshit. So I guess I have to think on that and see what the next few weeks bring that are left within the year. I may have to swallow my pride and find a mediocre kind of guy and settle with him and hope for the best and possibly a baby.


Ugh, back to the old drawing board.

I'll also have to tell you about how this end as well oh yes there is more....plenty more!

To Be Continued...