Bunny's Confessions #9

"Confident"


I never really considered myself "confident" per say. It's gotten better even though I feel like I went up a hill in the sun and the rain came halfway up and I'm sliding back down to UnConfident-ville.

I can say as a youngster I was outgoing and didn't mind meeting people. Then until I went to school and got bullied and tortured for awhile all that changed and turned me into a reclusive little Bunny. Well because I had a teacher in elementary school embarrassed me to the point I felt it was best if I said nothing and kept to myself. Irregardless I was still made fun of and bullied. Which made me sink deeper into my protective shell.

I was like that when I graduated elementary, went off to middle and junior high schools and definitely high school. But. towards the end of high school when my mother got sick and had to recover from brain surgery and my dad had to work and deal with her. There was a lot going on and I got tired of the mess. My home life was a wreck and the schools telling me I need to get more excited about Prom and Graduation. Well I couldn't. I was scared and unhappy and felt I would end up an orphan. I'll admit it I didn't like the thought of any of that.

Then with that I went to college and after being fucked with there. I got my edge back and started to be more outgoing and I gained a good confidence. I was happy and proud of that. I kicked butt and took names. Then when my dad died and everyone turned their back on me. I knew then I had to be independent and worry about myself and myself alone.

Unfortunately due my bitterness amongst things, my confidence was soon perceived to be a nasty attitude. Which wasn't the case but at the time I didn't care and still don't. Now, like I said I'm sliding back down to UnConfident-ville and I don't like it but I don't see how my being confident made a difference in my life. It got me disliked or still unnoticed.

Now I guess I'm sliding, since every time I do put my best foot forward it gets misunderstood or goes unacknowledged and I hate the feeling of standing there like a fool.


For now I'm not going I worry about it much really because I don't think it needs to promote my already strange personality. It won't change a thing and the same thing can happen again. Maybe I'll get it back, maybe I won't.

Either way, I'm contented with my confidence. I'm not meant to be as confident as everyone else. I'm ok with that.



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