Boomerang

I pick the title of this post from a classic Eddie Murphy film. Where he's this well-to-do player that wines and dines women and drops them faster than he picked them up. Until this one woman, Robin Givens, comes along and she treats him the way he's been treating women and he ends up not only getting played hisself, but having his career ruined and losing just about everything he loved dearly. What was sad the women he tried to get some understanding from, didn't want to be bothered—why?? Because he made them bitter not only towards him but all men and the refused to give him a second chance. It had its humorous side to it as well, but it made me think. I know exactly how those women felt, however instead of letting it scar me for life, I've decided to take Ms. Givens approach to this current situation.


For those of you that don't know, I am bisexual. Have been for a while now, but had been curious even longer than that (let's say over 10years or so). Anyway, well I met this woman via the wonderful Internet and we hit off. Can't really pin-point what I liked most about her. But maybe it was the undivided attention she was giving me, the way she felt me up or the sensuality of the relationship we had—whatever it was, I liked every single moment of it. During our short 3 or so months together, things turned sour and ended on a bad ass note. Basically the Novelty that was Me, wore off quickly and she pushed me off to someone else. Sounds familiar eh?? Lol. Well the whole time towards the end, while I tried to fix it and correct whatever little strand we had left. She refused to meet me halfway. I tried desperately to make it work. Why?? Well because I loved her she filled a void that the last love couldn't. Actually be with me, even of it was for a short period of time. I had some physical contact and that made me happy. When it ended, she acted as if I never existed from the beginning. Maybe to her that was true. That's perfectly ok too. I will say this much it hurt like hell to see her go and to let go.

Then that's when I learned people come into your life for a reason, leave or stay for another reason, and it all depends on what you've learned. Well for me I was too bitter to care and had far more plaguing issues at hand to tend to. I'm happy I had the time to grow and learn from the experience but I don't like the ugly scar it left on my heart. I couldn't understand exactly what it was that I did wrong or didn't do enough of, to make her stay. I felt like I was the one who was broken or missing something clearly. She also help teach me that you can expect too much or even do much out of people. Because when they let you down, you get hurt and become bitter and angry.


Now if learned anything, if someone didn't treat you right or abused or misused you. You know to leave that person the hell alone, right?? Well for most cases that holds true. But sometimes even though those people are leaves and are gone with the wind most all the time. Sometimes they blow right back into your life. But not to make a fool of you again, no. They come back into your life the same exact way they did, tell you things they think you want to hear, give you an Oscar Winning performance. There's a reason they came back to you. Probably more than one. Either they missed you, realized what they had or what they fucked up, they plan on using you again, or the underlying thing is they feel you're stupid. Sometimes it's all of the above, with the last two shining brighter than Christmas Lights. Well she came back to me, the same way she did the first time. Talking that sweet talk and telling me how much she hated we ended on a bad note and how she wanted to make it up to me. Ok. I'll play. It's been two weeks and to be honest, I've changed my game plan. At first I would agree and then move it along. Then I said no one mustn't ever pass up a good opportunity as this one. Call it being selfish, mean, hell you can even call me vengeful and bitter. But I do plan on making her hurt the way she made me hurt. I may know how to play the game a litter but better now because of experience and age. I've also learned not to let my emotions get the best of me. She's already flaked out on me not once but twice. Even made plans with me knowing she had other things to do with other people. So it lets me not only expect the worst of her, but I know she hasn't changed and don't plan on doing so anytime soon.


Which is why this all reminded me of Boomerang. It's perfectly ok for her to act that way. You can't change people or make them into something you want. It doesn't work that way. Either accept they're an asshole or move on and hope you don't pick up any of their relatives lol. So since she apparently has something up her sleeve, I'll play for a little while and then drop her just like she did me. I didn't become an evil bitter woman on my own. People mistreating me, taking me for granted and assuming the worse out of me before taking time out to really get to know me did. There is no room in my heart for any emotion but hate. Maybe one day it'll change, maybe not. But I'll have to admit and say, it's made me a stronger person, regardless, anyway.