"Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares."
That's the honest truth!
Well while reading my horoscope and wondering why I get more of them based on my super awesome perfect love life and how wonderfulistic my lover is and how everyone is so jealous. It gives me insight on a few different things, makes me feel better, or explains exactly how I'm feeling. It mentioned a few key notes and ended with this:
Take time to reflect upon the events of the past few weeks. Did you inadvertently send a wrong message? Correct any unintentional slights. A simple "I'm sorry," will do wonders.
The first thing that came to mind was Him. Maybe if I said sorry, he'd start talking to me again. Then I had to take a minute to think on that random thought. Would it even matter?? Would it change our situation?? Make him love me more than he loves her?? Will the grass be that Emerald Green I'm expecting it to be??? I really don't know but all the answers seem to ease towards No. In the midst of that small portion of despair, I saw a link that read: What's Your Love Flaw? I selected it, without thinking. I wanted to know if I was doing something wrong, or making bad choices. Even the smallest of thing or reason could make me feel happy or remorseful either or, it didn't matter. I wanted to know. So I took the 4-question multiple choice quiz. Hoping the whole time that I would find out something that would make sense, help me change my outlook or make any kind of change, really. When I finished, and hit that "see results" button. I was stunned at the answer I received. But then I became in awe of it and was relieved and sort of happy to finally know. Even though it didn't give much to work on, it let me know something. And that's all I really wanted. Here is what it said:
What's Your Love Flaw?
Result: You don't have a love flaw
You're a well-integrated personality in control of your issues or neuroses. You know love is different from like and desire, because you've been there once or twice. It's a contented, relaxed feeling. You are your true self when in love. Your first dates are down-to-earth, and more about becoming friends than revealing or proving anything. You've already found your soul mate or remain open to the possibility.
If you would like to take this same quiz, click here.
Maybe, I've been taking this the wrong way the whole time. I know I'm a good person and I love myself deeply to know what I want in life and what I need to do to execute that process. I'm flawed, an educated dropout, suck at cooking and at times my blondness and clumsy klutziness shines brighter than a Christmas bulb—but that's ok. I'm Human and that's all I'm aiming to be. If someone loves or likes me, great! If not that's fine too, not everybody is meant to be pleased, liked or loved the same kinds of ways. Giving up is hard to do. I already know who I'm in love with. But unfortunately, he doesn't make me happy, doesn't make me smile any more and doesn't make my day. He causes me more pain than happiness. That's truly a shame. It shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't have to sacrifice a possible good happiness over the love I have for someone who not only doesn't love me back but makes me hurt a little bit more every time I interact with him. Saying sorry, might clear the polluted air between us. However it's no guarantee we'll end up together and be happy. No matter how much I would like to know and really find out if it could've worked between us, maybe it's for the best that I never do. They say all good and bad things come in threes. They also say that taking a risk in life makes it that much more enjoyable. Maybe I'll take that small piece of advice and change my outlook. Stop looking at love through cracked glasses and uncut eyes. Finally open my eyes, heart and soul, definitely try one last time. What's the worst that could happen?? The same thing that made the previous two loves fizzle out and fail miserably. The best thing that could happen?? I could turn out finding what I really want and being happy about it. But before I do all of that. I've still got to work on me. Build me up to an better individual and turn those disadvantages into fool-proof advantages. Then I think things will move along in a more secure and better direction.
For now, it's just a possible future goal. For now, that is ;).
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