A Leaky Boat

You know, some things happen for a reason and others happen strictly out of coincidence and just the aftermath of the regular flow of things.


For the past 6-7 months, you guys know I've been job searching my butt off. Working hard at this job to find a JOB. And unfortunately I wasn't have any luck or none at all. I was doing everything right. I googled and searched, update my resume many, many times. I researched and made sure I was prepared for what happened next. Or so I thought. However the more I tried or worked hard at find a job. The more No's I got and got the door slammed in my face so much I'm pretty sure I lost my nose at some point. I got tired of hearing people tell me try and keep going when day after day after DAY—all I got was No and without a pliable reason or a I dunno. So I became disgusted and gave up.


From time to time I would look to see who was hiring. The only jobs that looked reasonable, required things I did not have. Like a college degree, experience, reference (personal or professional) and for some actual job employment. A few places told me the jobs I had while I was in college an high school can be considered as work studies or volunteer work. Because I let these petty things get to me, I started losing focus and hope on the things that mattered the most with me. I even came close to saying I wasn't going to write anything any more whether it was for here or some place else. I was going to give up on being a Mom someday since I couldn't afford to do so and men, ugh that's another story and a problematic issue of mine. I was hurt to think and to even know, I tried my best and it wasn't good enough and so what oh well now you have to suffer. It made me regret everything I did in the past, question how I could have improved it. It made me wonder of my future would be dim, cold, dark and full of negative emotions. But what else could it be?? Especially since my Present, My Today was falling apart faster than I could fix and repair it. I was losing hope. No one could seem to give me a good answer or explain to me why all those horrible things were happening to me.


Last week I got this postcard in the mail from the University of Pitt telling me I come there and finish my degree. Yes, yes very sketchy. Let's not forget the two times I tried to go there and they told me no or to try another Pitt Campus (which are all in a 2hrs away radius). Yea wasn't going to happen. However I called and asked questions. Not only did I get a complete idiot on the phone he could barely answer my questions. Then I did get pissed off that he could get a job and I can't?? What the hell type of mess is that?! Anyway bottom line he told me it was going to cost $18,000. That's what I needed to start in the Fall. That's hard to come by if you can't get financial aid like me. So I talked to someone in financial aid and she told me I couldn't attend there because I didn't have the money. Since I defaulted on my loans, I would never be able to get aid even if I could and tried my damnedest. So another loss cause. I then decided well if I can't go to school there for free....why not work for it, literally?? I found a few jobs that were within my skills and experience. I decided to apply to one of such said jobs yesterday. After I had applied, I decided to call because I was concerned about the references part. The man told me that because I didn't have references I wouldn't be able to work there at all. He said to use my supervisors at my last employments. I'm ok with that but I've been out of Penn State for 3 years. I don't know who works there and who would know me. The years are doubled as far as high school goes. It was ridiculous! So it wasn't my education level, experience or my personality—I can't work for you because I don't have references for you to call to see if I did what at my last job?? Fine, ok.


Well while I was filling out the application. I decided to use the resume email that's strictly meant for jobs. But because I hadn't looked at it in over two months, it was filled to the max with emails. As I began sifting through emails, I noticed one that said I got asked to come in for an interview. I replied just to see what would happen. Unfortunately I noticed another email same place saying I wasn't the candidate they were looking for. I'm like what the fork is bull?? So when I finally got to the bottom of what was going on. I knew right then and there I messed up and messed up bad.


I applied to Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurant back in between April and May. Yea right around the time of the Target fiasco. I never heard from them. So I assumed they pulled a Babies R Us and decided to ignore me. Well I saw in the ocean of emails they sent one on June 15th asking to interview me between the 23rd and/or 24th of June. The email stating I wasn't the candidate they were looking for was dated June 23rd. So I sat there wondering why if they felt I wasn't good enough would they ask me again to an interview??

I told my mom what happened. She said I was too impatient. That I need to learn to wait for anything to come. I understand that, but don't tell me I'll contact this week and I don't hear from you in over a month. That's not right nor fair. So I wondered if they would respond back to me or not and decided to take it as is. I didn't want to get my hopes up for something that wasn't going to happen.


Well today in the midst of my trying to blog and get my life together as usual lol. I decided to check my emails to see what was new, what could be deleted and what was worth reading. Low and behold there was this email saying how Happy they [Chipotle] were that I accepted to come in for an interview. They told me the available times would be from 9am to 4:30 pm on Thursday, July 26th. It stated I needed to pick 3 time slots, interviews were given every 30 minutes. Then they would confirm it and send me another email with the address of the interview. I decided to pick 11am, 11:30am and 12pm. I felt not only would I have an ample amount of time to get there but I wouldn't have to worry about traffic or rush unnecessarily. So I wrote down my time and waited for another email. About an hour later, I had a new email. The email stated I got the 11:30am time slot and I would be interviewing at a downtown hotel, come dressed professionally it included. Then it gave a background on how the duties of a crew member and benefits and all that other good stuff. I'll be honest. I was in awe. I was shocked and yet overjoyed and happy. I actually finally got a real interview, no games no run arounds, no last minute finding outs. So I began searching and researching the company and learning more about their business and opportunities. The interview process and what I could expect. What would be the appropriate dress, wages, this and that. I was happy, after all this time of waiting patiently and trying app hard my efforts are hopefully going to get rewarded.



However then I realized. An interview is no guarantee to a job. It's just an interview. If it comes to that, I'll be ok with that. I spent my yesterday finding jobs to apply to. Then one those awesome epiphanies came.


Maybe all those rejections are to prepare me for when I do get an interview or I apply for a job I won't take it so hard. I can be rational and accepts things as is and move on irregardless. I plan to do exactly that. Whether I do great or totally bomb at this interview. I'll know I was myself the entire time and did my best. I'll just keep trying and hope for the best and not the whole world. I guess it's like that one saying goes:

When the World says give up, Hope says try one more time.

It's still difficult to hear words and see little to no actions. But sometimes it's to get us in the right frame of mind and do our best and be the best. It says a lot about our character and personality. So if you're in the same situation as me don't worry ok.

We're all in the same leaky boat, just use some duct tape and paddle on ok?!

Because if your at the worst, it can only get better. So don't lose faith and hope completely. Save some for that rainy day :).


Continue to The Interview to see what happened!