Quickie Nail Design

I did another design a few days ago but it chipped off so I didn't worry about it too much lol.


So I did a quick one today just one finger mostly out of killing time.


Anyways I hope you Girls & Dolls like it ^_^





If you want a tutorial let me know ^_^



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B Who U R

Jumpolines

LOL

Hello Sushi!

You can't this isn't the most adorable thing you've ever saw right??

My Lil Ponies (Adults Only)

Rack City

Last night I was playing Rack City by Tyga for my mom and I said to her we should play that for my student debt collectors when they call unnecessarily.


So after awhile she says:

Who the hell would buy that mess?? RACK RACK THAT CITY BITCH. What the hell type of song is that???

I giggled like I never giggled before XD.

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The Yellow Brick Road, Dorothy!!

Me and my mom was arguing over something silly the other night and I guess I said something that sent her off and she said:

SHUT THE HELL UP DOROTHY!! Someone's gonna kick your yellow brick road ass! So how bout that, huh?!

Yellow Brick Road Ass XD


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One Year Makes A Difference

So as I'm sitting here relaxing my feet in the beautiful down town area of our city lol. I thought I share the awesomeness with you guys and dolls too.



So in 2010 like Septemberish I got my hair done up in Kinky Twists because I didn't have a lot of time to go get up and get ready let alone be on time for school. Anyways when I got my hair braided the crazy woman and her help put bees wax in my hair and tied a good majority of it knots-literally!! It took me 6 days just to comb and straighten it out :p. Then I decided to perm it, big mistake. Not only did some of my hair fall out but it made my already tender and sore head, hurt that much more. So I stopped combing and brushing it and it got matted BAD lol. So by March of 2011, I took a fit of rage and cut it all off—well chopped and screwed it mostly haha. I keep whacking at it the whole year. I was tired and trusted I guess.


Anyway here's a pic of what my hair looked like for Summer 2011






Super Sport Short!! Say that 5 times fast lol.


Anyway I would comb it and wash and condition it from time to time and just kept it in an unkempt crazy looking Afro. My hair is strange, its not all that bad and it's not all that good butit won't Afro or stay straight. It's disobedient like that.


Anyways, I said that at some point I would chop at it again and turn it into some wild pixie cut and perm it and leave it like that. However little did I know when I happen to flat iron it a few months ago it had grown longer than I expected. So after seeing all the pretty long haired hairstyles I wanted to do the same. So I'm trying to resist from chopping it all off lol. Well around the end of May I got a wild hair up my butt and decide to perm my hair in that 90 weather. It wasnt the perming process that was so bad, it was the fact my hair was so gosh dark LONG. When I finally finished it was down to my shoulders!! I was just as shocked if not more so.


Eventually I trimmed the ends and tried to style it. Now FINALLY I got it to where I like it. It's a nice cute an should grow in nicely.

I did trim one side this morning because it was looking rough lol.


So say hello to the Long Haired Bunny of which you've never seen before (or haven't seen in a long time :D):





Excuse the boobs, I told you they do whatever the hell they want to lol.

Anyway do you like it??? I likes it :D I'm in the mood for a color!! But I already tried the whole rainbow I don't know which one I want to do.



Either ways hope you enjoy the new picture ^_^ and maybe if weather permitting I'll take a few more pictures of me.

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I've Got The Weirdest Boner, Ever???

Ladies, I Know You Agree

Back To The Future Trivia

I found this on facebook and thought it was pretty awesome. Makes me kind of want to go and watch the movie all over again. Funny how some things pop up every now and then huh??

I'm a day late but Happy Back To The Future Day Anyways ^_^

Mosquitoes?!

To Write, Or Not To Write: That Is The Question

I've always been fond of reading. Ever since I small, little child reading was the best thing ever. I loved the stories, the fantastical world the author would create to the way the cover was designed and the fresh smell the book would emit just by opening up. I could go into serious detail about a book!!

Also on the same token I love to write. Those were always my two strongest point. Even in school, when my only favorite subject I presumed was music. I secretly loved English and Language Arts—just didn't realize it until late in my life. I've always been a dreamer no matter what and I can come up with a story out of nowhere just by letting my mind wonder. Then again I could be totally insane and I just happen to be same enough to be let loose amongst society lol. But I developed a love for poetry when I was young and began writing poetry when I was about 12 years old or so. My grandmother had just died and I was very unhappy, wasn't eating properly and had restless nights. So then, it was a nice outlet. I would even write a story every now and then. I never consider myself an author, but yet in still I flocked to the library my safe haven and would read and write to my little hearts content. I continued to write poetry. I liked the feeling of seeing my words worked out on paper to create something I felt was great. Unfortunately then, I was getting into constructive and nonconstructive criticism. When you're young and you write or draw something you immediately show it off. It's just the way we are, we know we worked hard on it and did a good job. Mom or Dad or Grandma dotes how beautiful and spectacular our piece of work is and how even Picasso would be jealous!! It made us feel good and encouraged us to continue because we loved that sort of attention. However once you hit the real world and then people start saying how ugly of a drawing that is and how horribly written this is—it makes you angry, but it also hurts. I've had many people tell me how much they hate a piece than to say they sorta liked it. Eventually, I didn't let that stop me. I continued to dream and go off into my fantastical world and dream up crazy ideas and those wonderful shoulda, coulda, woulda situations. So I wrote. I wrote poetry and any story I could, whether it be a novel, vignette or novela or anything. Then one day I was challenged into doing a short story. To be honest I sucked at those. I would write with the intention of a short story (usually they're no longer than 6-10 pages) and I wouldn't notice until late I had written a 100 or so pages. So as often as I could I would avoid that subject. Until it smacked me dead in my face at college.


I wasn't enthused to be working on short stories. Nor did I really want to but because I HAD TO I really didn't have much of a choice. My first short story, turned into a chapter, 17 pages to be exact. OH THE AGONY!!!! I got an F for that assignment and my professor told me to try harder and not want to make such a long story. Even though that woman was a complete quack and I took 5-6 of her classes (I think I was losing my mind then). She offered pretty good advice. Then I wrote my 2nd story about a love gone wrong. I ended it with the woman in the story dying. It was the best I could do. Unfortunately this professor was the type who would scrutinize everything you did and tell you how horribly wrong it had gone without consider your feelings. She told me she didn't like the story. She made me change it so many times I lost count and then when she finally accepted it, she either gave me a D or a C. Yeah, some college professors are petty like that. But because of that, I knew I didn't want anyone changing the story to their liking. Because to me, I wouldn't be writing it anymore, it wouldn't be my story, it would just be something everybody got to participate in. I didn't like that. I gave her the story the way she liked it. But I kept the original copy not only because it was my very first short story but because I wrote it the way I wanted to write it and kept it that way. The more I had to write the more I began to enjoy short stories. It was another commodity to my writing skills and that made me very happy.


When I finally got the chance to publish my work in the college literary magazine. I was overjoyed. But that happiness soon got crushed when they told me no I couldn't participate the second year. I did try a third time and they accepted those poems. That was my last year at Penn State, go figure. So thus I started a blog lol. However I knew that posting my poetry and writing down stories wouldn't excite people, no one had to read my writings. So throwing them at everybody, no one really had to take notice nor did they really have to care. For the sale of my feelings, that was for the best. My parents encouraged me to write my own book and publish it. Sales and price wasn't an issue, but I think they wanted to make me happy. Even now my mother mentions from to time to write a story. She thinks I'd be great to write children's books and anything else. The encouragement is nice, but I also have to think realistically—right??


Well a few months ago, I was watching the sad television program they throw together on the weekends. There's this news edition meant strictly for kids and teens. They mentioned this particular weekend how this preteen published his first book. I'm like his family must have money or he knew someone that knew somebody. Well he was neither of those things I first thought. He came from a mediocre home and family. Not rich, but not poor either. And dammit if he didn't have his book there with his name on it. Not only was I utterly shocked but I was amazed, plus my attention was got lol. They explained how he did it and I said at some point I would go back and look into it. The search of jobs job was taking over my life and I spent more time wasted for nothing than actually gaining anything and it just became a forgotten thing I suppose.


Well, while finding jobs that I could possibly work for. I happen to go to my email. I send a lot of things to myself so I don't have to go on an adventure to find it or lose it completely lol. Call it silly but I've always done it and it's always worked for me. In the midst of searching for something, I remember that weekend about the kid who published his own book. God help me because I forgot the name of the website >_< *fist shake*. I ended up having to google and couldn't find it. Then I remembered how people said that writing an ebook could be of help or bring in some money and I decided to get more information on it. Then this website popped up and I looked into it. Hmm, well this seems all too good to be true. I found an article that spoke highly of this website. I'm like what the fork?? So I went back to the website and read a little more and then it clicked! It was the same website that preteen used, the same one they talked about on that show that weekend. Then I thought how could I forget something so easy?? I'm a total ditz!!


I spent my morning yesterday researching and pondering and wondering. Many ideas and stories started to brew inside my head and I was tempted. Believe me I was very tempted. However I was reluctant. I've never had much good luck. I'm the person who find a penny while someone else finds $500 on the ground. But the more I considered it yesterday morning the more I thought, well it's worth the try. What exactly do I've got to lose or gain?? Can't hold up too much expectation because then the fall and negative result would hurt like hell. I put the thought aside and went to an email I had about a job that was in the online newspaper classified. That job was gone and I found a few others. The all mentioned they were down town—one lied and is located on the South Side of the city. I found that out today. But I had to wonder is the other place really down town?? I want to call them back, but the rejection scares me the most and there's no way of getting around it really. Even though it scares me to death to find out, I know I have to face me fears head on and try anyway regardless of the outcome. It's the fact and the notion that I tried my best and did what I could and move on in case it doesn't work out. When those words rang in my head, I wondered back to the thought of self publishing a book. A book about what though?? Princesses, Life, Humour, Mystery, Poetry, A collection of short stories?? Should I create my own cover or find someone better than I?? So many thoughts enter my brain that I needed a break.


So here I am wondering, should I continue this endless of not getting a job working anywhere job search?? Or should I take a risk and work a book together and publish it??

I know I'm not the best writer in the world. The chances of me being a best selling author, with an article on my work in the New York Times best seller list is a million to one. However, writing is what I'm good at and it's something I do well. We all have things we do well oppose to our favorite things to do and those we despise with a passion to do. Hell we all have whims as well. I had it in my mind I would start a comic book or a manga. Took me awhile to come up with a subject lol but I eventually got one I want to do whether it gets published or not. In this case, this opportunity is staring me right in the face. Beckoning me to follow, to come along. I'm tempted to go.


As I sit here writing this, I want to. I really really want to. I've dealt with rejection before and can handle it pretty well. But what if it turns out to be something great!? Now that my friend is by far the scariest thought that anyone could ever perceive.

I'm a college dropout, without a home in the world. I can read and write. When time calls for it I'm a pretty good drawer and color-er lol. It's a chance in a life time and one I may not get back nor I'll I ever see again. I think it's time for me to start anew, get out my feathered pen and paper or at least in this day the computer and iPhone and do what I do best and write. Write as many stories as possible. However for now, I think I'm going to take a chance and pick or write a story and publish it. And if it doesn't go in the great way expected. At least I can say, Hey I published a book and I'm damn proud of it.


Thus begins a new chapter of my life.


But the question will always be:

To write or not to write?





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Tea Talk

I found this awesome picture on Facebook and I thought these were just the cutest things I had ever seen. I remember seeing something similar a long time ago. But I like the colored inside and even the small scriptures inside too. I bet at any tea party these would be an interesting and entertaining conversational piece.

If you're interested in buying these beautiful tea ups for your personal collection or just to have something new, I found that they're being sold on Kaboodle and Wrapables.

Click here to purchase these awesome tea cups

Tasty Luggage

Ice, Chill & Party!

So a few days ago I was on facebook and someone showed this awesome picture that looked like a tasty milkshake. But this was no ordinary milkshake, it was a Rum & Coke Milkshake. So I thought I would share it with you guys. Unfortunately when I finally went to the link that was given, it was just a link to the Cosmopolitan website and I'm like what the frenchtoast is this witchcraft??? So I googled and found some crazy site, I was more disturbed about the logo because it resembled stinky breath more than a whisper.... YEA. Anyway I went back to the Cosmopolitan website and finally found the recipe and the source link, which was the same link the weird website had.

Anyway I did find out that Cosmo had other recipes that you can try or maybe spice up your next cook out or outdoor party, click here to see the other 20 recipes!



Here's what you've all been waiting for:



Rum & Coke Milkshake recipe




8 oz. vanilla ice cream
½ cup cola soda
2 oz. dark rum
Whipped cream
Garnishment: cherry


Place all ingredients in a blender. Blend until smooth. Pour into a glass, top with whipped cream, and garnish with a cherry.


Read more: Frozen Alcohol Dessert Recipes -- Cosmopolitan




Here's the original source to the recipe.

Oh Darn It ^_^

A Man-clusion

A Man-clusion is something like a conclusion but involves men instead lol. I'm pretty sure there is a Woman-clusion too!!

Anyway here's what I think men consider when choosing a woman. It's strictly my opinion and of you don't like it. You can't stop reading here because I'm going to continue whether you like it or not.

So I think when men chose a woman they don't necessarily take into consideration her appearance, personality, vitals (like education, career and how much she's worth), whether she's a bitch, saddity, high maintenance or shy.

Men love the challenge of getting a woman by any means possible. It's just a humanistic trait of theirs. However if they can gain more woman, the easiest way possible and be close to the top of the male food chain then all is good too!

I've been noticing lately the people who are coupled. The woman aren't very pretty but that's strictly someone's personal opinion, you understand. That's perfectly fine. However then I have to say well she's not supermodel skinny, curved like an hour glass, or pretty like Beyoncé or Megan Fox. She either looks a mess, her clothes are too little, hair's a complete mess or she has too much of it. Most of the time she's either pregnant or with a football team of kids in tote.

Then I also notice these women don't have the best attitude. They're looking at me thinking I'm about pounce on their man any minute. When in actuality I'm amazed at how much of a hot mess she looks and how her man is checking out the entourage of skinny skanks that just brushed past him.

So today I thought well maybe it's because they're the easiest women to get to. There's no fight, no pull or tug, he spits sweet nothings her way and the rest just falls in place. If you don't believe me look at the women with men, if she's not very attractive and doesn't seem to have much going for her and her clothes are a few ages too young and she's cocky, bold with an attitude badder than an alligator on a hot Savannah day. Plus you've noticed he's walking a good 20 steps ahead of her too! He's only with her because:

1. She's easy.
2. Her pussy must be worth it (cooties and all).
3. She's submissive.
4. She gives great head (oral sex).
5. She has a pretty good job.
6. She gives him his wants, necessities (like allowance, new clothes, a car to drive, food & shelter, etc.) and answers all his whims.
7. She's either a future baby mama, already a baby mama, or is one of many baby mamas.
8. He knows she's going to stay and not oppose or seek for another man.

However when he meets a woman that may be high maintenance he knows she's a total drag. I read a few articles [12 Signs Your Girl Might Be High Maintenance, Are High Maintenance Women Worth It?] that said she might be great arm candy and make you look even better. However her attitude and constant vain , it's all about me attitude pisses a man off. I plan to write a post about that in due time lol. So in that regard, he wants the pretty woman, who's got her EVERYTHING together and can be a worth while trophy but just not the issues that comes along with it.


However then there are those men who want a real relationship with the hopes of having a nice girl or a good woman. Unfortunately when that happens, then end up with the worse woman who's bossy, mean and could care less than a damn about his feelings and emotions. Because of that woman, whatever it was about her liked so much it partially goes out the door. But it also makes him bitter towards all women because he's unsure and doesn't want to have to go through that type of situation again. I mean hell, no one would.


Then there are those guys who are head over heels in love with their mother. Not that there's anything wrong with it. But it can create a problem when he tries to find someone on his own accord. Either the mother will object her completely or accept it and give her hell. Now some men you can talk to about their Mother's actions. While others will get pissed or deny it completely. Call him a Mama's Boy or an Apron Accessory. Either if he loves that mother that way, you will have problems. Then there are the guys who were raised by good women and they ultimately turned out to be good men. They know how to treat a woman and knows how to love and respect her. This is the best man to have. Not only will you be able to get along with him and his family, you can learn to be happy. He's a true gentleman, chivalry may be dead but there are still a small heard of nice guys out there lol.



Then there are the guys who just don't give a flying damn. It's all about him and no one else. Unfortunately he comes in all shapes, sizes and favors. No doubt about it. He only cares about him, his wants, his needs, and how to please and make HISself happy. Only woman he would want is one who's stupid, slow or just worthy enough to be arm candy or a trophy. Unfortunately they have many women. They have kids they refuse to care about. They run a muck and hurt more women than making any one woman happy. Whether he's a CEO for a Fortune 500 Conglomerate or a Thugloving hoodrat who refuses to get a job. They're all the same and they think women have to cater and respect them. However in my personal opinion these are the last men in the world who need to be catered to. I'm not saying a man has to be fancy or own millions and a mansion. But he can be a burger flipper with a jalopy and an one room apartment. I'm personally cool with that. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Unfortunately men do this with women all the time. They want the easiest, prettiest, submissive, and loving girl or woman they can find. The more the better, whether it's alongside friends or the entire MAN society period. The more women you have or have conquered, the better of a man you are. But this ensures, more unmarried women with children. Not saying all men are like this. But my personal opinion they're hypocritical creatures. Don't tell me my weight is fine and that I'm pretty enough to be married when you walk straight through me and pick up the ugly girl, the other fatter girl, or the one with the too little outfit and 3 kids in tote.

That's like saying I hate grape soda, grape juice, and grapes but you'll run a marathon for a grape jolly rancher or lollipop. Grape is grape. Just like women are women. We are all different sizes, shapes and flavors for a reason. However don't group the ones you've never took the time out to talk to, in the throw away or for the trash bin. It's even worse when you get tired of all the skinny skanks and easy whores and you want to use good women like me as a last or alternative option. Whether if it's for sex while they're all busy pregnant or on their period or your penis needs a change of scenery—it's wrong and rude.


I still have love for men, because I think they're smart and intelligent, they have a strong back bone and they're ambitious and have so much going for them. However I dislike them because all I see are the good ones taken by the bad women or those men who have no self control and are easily swayed by the slightest temptation or whore. Then the men who feel I'm useless, only good enough for a McDonald's parking lot fuck or a free webcam girl [Read: Why I Have A Problem With Men]. You refuse to date me or take me out. Say I'm too fat, not pretty enough and that I have a bad attitude. My attitude is based on how people treat me and those who have hurt me in the past. If it was just one guy or a handful, I could get over it. But it's been way too many guys. They lie about having kids, expect me to come to them, won't pick me up or take me home and feel I'm a lame because I won't do oral sex. Well excuse me I don't want to be forced into something I don't feel comfortable with. Not saying I won't ever do it, but I don't want to be a chicken head either. You wouldn't have gay sex if I asked you to, so don't ask me to put your penis in my mouth when I don't know where the hell it's been. I'm sorry but I don't want cooties.


Why I thought about all of this was because it makes no sense when guys say they like women who dress up and wear make up and have their hair and nails did. But then they bitch and moan about all of that and say how fake she is. However when I dressed up and looked cute and wore make up and got my hair and nails done to look presentable. I'm consider high maintenance. I'm not. I don't own a dog I put in a purse and I don't wax or go to the spa every other week. That shit's expensive. And to be honest, I haven't had my nails done in over a year maybe 2 years. But like I said I'll get to that later. But I never got noticed, and if I did it was a dry ass OH THE CUTE BIG GIRLS ARE OUT. Like what the fuck does that mean?? Are big girls not allowed outside??? But when I look a hot mess, people want to tell me how I need to look better and dress up a little bit more. Why?? And for who?? I'm not going to and I'm not trying to impress nobody. If he can't accept that some days I'll look a mess and won't have combed hair and my clothes will be a little bit dirty. Then he needs to correct some of his issues. Don't tell me what to accept when you're walking around here with streaked drawers and smelly feet!!


I really have gotten to the point where I don't care. It's nice to hear you look nice. But don't have me dress up and you're gonna give that half ass you look ok or you look AIGHT bull. It's not about confidence or how you look. It's about what's easier to deal with. Trust me women, if you plan to make the man work hard for the goodies, you can forget it! There's one skank, if not more, willing to give it up for half price or for free.

My mom tells me I worry too much and there's some nice guy out there whining about where the nice girls are. For me the friendzoned guys aren't who I want. They're those guys that talk to me like I'm going to be a slut anyway whether I like it or not. But I refuse to believe that. They all seem to have some problem with me being who I am. Whether I can't cook, not skinny enough, I don't have good head game, I talk back or refuse to be submissive, or I won't be like the other chicks. They drop me as soon as they get their information and if it's not what they want they move on to the next girl. However tp me, I see that man and many other men like him being a coward. Because he gave up so easily and wants a rock or pebble instead of a diamond or pearl. Then again that's strictly his prerogative.


I find it to be so sad that men cut themselves so short like that. Yea women has a lot of bad points and aren't perfect like Beyoncé and other Hollywood skanks make believe. But you have to learn to accept that. None of the guys I hooked up with worked nice jobs, a good majority didn't have a job. Some had kids and exes that needed to be choked but I didn't judge because I didn't want him doing that to me. However they did, they used me and mistreated me and even made fun of me. They didn't really care and on the same token no one told them they had to. It's just unfortunate that they messed it up for whoever may come along and be worth it for and to me.



Men are complex creatures and leaves a lot to be desired. They can't seem to pin point what they want exactly or say what they need either. So they do things sporadically and spontaneously then when the shit hits the fan, they fix it to the best of their ability and move on to the next. They're human, and you can't really get mad at that. I just wish women would get themselves together and know exactly what they want, then maybe that might make the men a little bit more worth it and have a better outlook as well as personality and the whole 9!! You know, Improvement.


Men are important. But men, don't say that women mistreat you, speak up and say what you need to say. Don't say you've been friend zoned when you've already friend zoned that one girl if not many girls. No she's not at the bar or the local sports events, she's rarely at the library like the gurus say. Mostly she's at home bored and wondering when she'll get to have some fun. She's at the hobby shop picking up supplies for her favorite hobbies. No she's doesn't love salads and probably hates exercising due to the aggressive girls back in gym class days. She's a little chubby but tries hard to loose weight. She may not be everything you want, but she could be everything you need. If you tell her she's pretty and you love her the way she is sincerely. Accept she may not be a great cook, or may not know the latest dance move or have the Dolce & Gabbana and Louis Vuitton clothes. She can be the greatest thing you've ever experienced in your life. So before you turn your nose up at the girl you see alone and not looking spectacularly perfect and before you divert your attention to the attention seeking whore or drama queen.…give that girl a chance. Go introduce yourself and don't talk about sex, at least not yet. Ask her how her day is and get to know her. Have a conversation with her, you don't a pair of balls for nothing right?? Then get your ass over there and talk to her, ask to be her Facebook or twitter friend or if your bold enough give her your number. She may not call you at first but give her a reason to. Don't stand her up on a date and don't make promises you can't keep. The Family Restaurant and Ice Cream Parlor is just find, anybody can go to McDonald's or Burger King ok, save those for the future date nights. Show her you're interested and be nice and not so aggressive. When she finally opens up to you and comes out of her shell you'll be quite pleased, I guarantee you!!


Oh and by the way, leave the stupid hoe alone. If a woman has to chase you and do everything possible to get your attention, she's not worth it. But if you're content with broken condoms, future kids and a STD or STI—you knock yourself out.

Rockabye Toys - Deal #3

• Rockabye Deal #1
• Rockabye Deal #2

Didn't I tell you all that the deal would roll around again???

(≧◡≦)

Well Zulily is having a Rockabye Toy sale again and it's starting 6/25/2012 at 6am (PST) and ending 6/28/2012!! How Awesome is that?? Plus it's up to 55% off!!

If you're interested in the deal CLICK HERE NOW!! 

If you haven't already done so, sign up for Zulily (it's free!) and then you can get deals on the other events and future events too!

Cuppy Cakes!

Isn't this like the most beautiful rainbow you ever did see??? :D

These Avengers are so much cuter, wouldn't you say??? ^_^
To see more pictures of these cute cupcakes click here!

Bunny ❤ Kitty

This Picture reminds me of the day I met Egypt ^_^

No matter what, Love comes in all many shapes, forms and sizes. Never underestimate it, never abuse it, never fabricate it. Because then if you do, it wouldn't be true. Love the people who are close to you, and never string someone along who loves you. Always remember, you can have more than just one special person to love you and the more the merrier I always say!

So tell someone who loves you, HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM!! The results will make your heart burst with joy.....figuratively of course ^_^.

Welfare, Food Stamps & Benefits—Oh My!

So those of you that know, I've been going through a rough time trying to find employment. Not only have I been shunned and told no. The public transit system is raising the price up to $4 a ride now. This issue includes the douchewaffle bill collectors for my loans biting on my ass like its a doggy chew toy wondering why I'm "not applying myself" enough.

This I decided to look to our public aid and other such said help programs. Now I applied for welfare, food stamps and health insurance a few years back. Got a letter that stated I needed to call them back as soon as possible. I did so every damn day of the week for about a month or so straight. Not only did I NEVER get someone but I got more the voice mail is full than anything! I even took the initiative to call up the higher-ups and I talked to some type of City/State Representative and told him my problems in calling them and not getting help and all this. He told me he would "handle it" and call me back. He never did. Well the results of that I get this nasty mean letter saying that since I refused to contact their office and not how up for this crazy appointment I could never receive any help from the government. Yea I tried to call and kick ass, no one answered the phone then either. So no one knows what's it like when you want to kick ass and defend yourself and no one picks up, it's quite frustrating lol.


Well I went and tried to get welfare and such again. So I was told I had to be pregnant, with kids or mentally or severely retarded or disabled to receive cash benefits. That's a little messed up. I was also told I wasn't allowed to receive health care of any kind because I am not pregnant, with kids or severely disabled or retarded to receive that. I might get food stamps—maybe. Now I asked about their employment and education services they offer. One woman told me I couldn't receive neither because I wasn't pregnant or with child, that's for employment services. As for the educational services, I needed to be 21 or under and in school already full time. Damn. I'm sorry for being 25. Another woman told me that only people who were receiving welfare or food stamps could get education or employment services. Hmm, fair enough. THUS, I get this letter about a week or so ago, or maybe at the beginning of the month since that's the postmark date. That I needed to contact their office as soon as possible because they want to know if I can receive food stamps today!! I was reluctant to call because of what happened prior. Like why tell me to call and no ones going to answer the phone or everybody's voice mail is full and then you want to tell me I didn't do what I was suppose to do?? So between 11:30am this morning to 12:30pm I called 10 times straight in a row and got no one to answer the phone and of course how the voice mail was full. I called another local office and Ms. Foreigner tells me that I called the wrong place and gives me an address and call them. I told her that's what I've been doing and I want to know why exactly no ones picking up the phone and why send a letter telling me to call when they refuse to answer the phone. She said she didn't know and to go down to the Welfare Office. I'm all fine and dandy with that, but let me tell you I WOULD BE MADDER THAN BEAR PISS if I went down to that hellhole and I still get the same treatment and those bastards tell me to come back and try again tomorrow. Oh hell no, it's too hot an even if it was a cool day—those type games are unnecessary. So I got fed up and I considered calling them back but I don't know.


My mom was trying to say that Friday was a bad day to call. I get that and understand perfectly. However you can't sit there and tell me that the welfare office is that busy and over run with people EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK. Be it Monday or Friday, you need to answer the damn phone and stop playing games. Hell hire me I'll answer that phone like a BOSS!! Then I got to thinking about how welfare mothers before they get a social worker or counselor, like way before they sign up or even consider to sign up. They can call today and by tomorrow afternoon that bitch will have free bus pass, health insurance for her and baby (or babies), food stamps galore, free child care, jobs, they can go to school for free, access to shuttle buses if they "can't" catch the public transit bus, they even get free housing and I'm not talking about an efficiency apartment—try a 3 bedroom townhouse, they get the world handed to them on a 925 Italian Tiffany silver platter and they're bitching about what they don't have or how they need more. Or how much they hating being at home and pregnant and whine and moan that their new iPhone and iPad ain't working and how I have the GOOD LIFE. Bitch please!! Let's trade dammit. Not only will your kid be happier with me and well taken care of, you'd be stuck with all my bills and no where to go fucked up life—let's see how excited you are about it then. But these skanks kill me, they say how much life sucks to be on welfare but they don't get off of it. Did you know that a woman with 2 kids and a baby's Daddy who's half-assed present gets $700 in cash benefits a month??? Hell there's even a possibility that she can receive $400 in food stamps. Don't sit there and tell me that's not twisted. But then again maybe that's how they work stuff here in Pennsylvania. but here I am, can't get a job working nowhere, Catch 22 or not, can't receive government help and yet my bills are going deeper and deeper into the debt hole.


One of my defaulted student loans went from a supposed $3,000 to $5,500+ in less than a months time frame. Hell by time June finally ends, I'll owe $6000, by the end of July it'll be $12,000 and probably $24,000 by September. Like you've got to be kidding me.


What exactly do they really expect me to do. If places like Target are bold enough to tell me I can never work there because I refuse to work 24/7 plus holidays and I may need to catch the bus to work, other places are telling me I need a degree or 3-10 years worth of experience. And my debt is making my credit score uglier and uglier. What do you really expect me to do?? However if I got pregnant all is well?? Seeing how my luck goes, I would end up knocked up and still no welfare or government help. However, does Target tell the lazy baby mamas the same thing?? Or do they get that Slack Cut that only them are entitled to??



I honestly don't get it. Our nation is fucked up.


Either case I'm plan to call the welfare people again and another place to see what happens.

UPDATE:
I did call back about 3-4 times, I lost track along the way. Anyway still no one answered the phone. Yeah so I'm in the FUCK IT stage, right about now.

90°

Now I don't know about you guys and dolls but here on the East Coast of the US it has been a scorcher for the past 3 days!! 90s all the way!! So much to the point it was miserable to sleep at night and even nap during the day and the last two nights I slept outside. Not that it was a major help or anything. Since we have humidity and his family it makes the heat that much more unbearable. My hair went home days ago lol. It's a term when you lose your hairstyle or perm due to the humidity haha.

But even outside it was like heat and no breezes and just staleness. My nose was stuffy or clogged and then runny and sneezy the next. I wonder if we were going to get those 95-100 degree days this summer. If so, it's gonna be one bad ass summer—I miss the snow already!!

Well anyway today turned out to be a little bit better, we got that promised down pour of rain that was suppose to come on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Even though it wasn't a lot of rain it was nice enough to cool it down a bit and make it livable for time being.

Unfortunately, having great summer weather is a plus up until you get sick. I got sick yesterday and still combating some of that sickness today!! Ugh it's no joke when anything you eat sours on your stomach. Ginger Ale and Mint flavored Tums were my best friends last night. Even now I'm chewing on a chalk infested Tum XD. My stomach was killing me yesterday and the back and forths to the bathroom made it that much more uncomfortable, sorry TMI.


So I suggest the best way to stay cool is get you a swimmy suit and one of those inflatable kiddie pools and lots and lots of ICE and plenty of cold drinks and ice cream. That damn sure wound the heat because it definitely won't kill it off lol.


In that regards Happy Summer everybody and learn to stay cool this summer—it's gonna be hell this year ;D.

Nail Art Compilation

A few pictures I found on facebook that I thought were interesting and different. Kudos to them, because let me tell you, glitter acrylic is by far the most hardest thing to deal with :p. It spreads like a disease and you can't get it off, those that can work with it, I BOW DOWN TO YOU!!!

Anyway, I hope you like these colors, and the uniqueness and if you do decide to try it out, I WANT TO SEE PICTURES!!! Maybe I'll try to have another DIY nail art session/section again. At least this time I can say, I won't be so distracted with life and it's bullcrap lol. 

If you want to see a bigger picture of the designs just click on them, oh and if I find any more interesting pictures, I'll gladly post them for you!

Happy Nail Art-ing :D!

Hospital Visit

How Stars & Planets Are Made

You will never look at a Solar Eclipse the same way again...

Eye Makeup & Eyebrow Tutorial

So I found this tutorial on facebook, but it also gave information how which eyebrow suit you and your face shape. I know from personal experience that I always had a problem with getting my eyebrows just right. Due to years from over plucking and such, one's different from the other lol. My eyebrows already have sort of an arch or "hump" but it's not perfect and sometimes I just go with a nice non clown looking half circle type arch lol. It can be difficult and for the last couple years I went to the local nail salon(s) and got them done that way, because if you don't measure correct you can and will have a messed up eyebrow!! You don't know how many times I cut mine too close or plucked too much and had to fill it in and thank goodness I knew how to do that just in case hahaha!! I never really used an eye brow pencil either, I used a china marker lol. Not only did it stay and not melt or rub away, it looked better and lasted longer. Imaging missing half of your eyebrow and the eye brow pencil starts to fade away from sweat or you scratch or wipe up there and it disappears—talk about embarrassing!!


Anyway! Don't feel bad if you suck at doing eyebrows, we all do and never shave them either. It may disappear but then that shadow comes out of nowhere it looks tacky. Those of you that decides to draw them, do it nicely or ask for help ok, because the clown and super villian eyebrows are scary!


Go check out the website and maybe next time you're due for a eyebrow fix up you can tell the person doing them exactly what you want. And don't be afraid to try a new design, sometimes what they say look great on us--doesn't. So try it, and always remember it'll grow back eventually and don't get upset, these things happen right?? :D

What Eyebrow Suits You??

How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

I want to try #9 personally lol XD

The Path

I was texting a friend and i thought i should share this with everybody.


Yup we're all given a path, and like the humans we are, we've planned out how we would go along this journey. However we didn't plan how long it would take, if there will be bumps and mishaps, detours or that we may have to go back and start all over again or lost time and momentum in tasks along the way. We don't know what's on the other end, but we've got to at least hope it's something we truly want and will learn to love and be happy with. We've got to be strong and pick ourselves up in all that doesn't go our way and destroy us and even makes it hard to those times when you don't want to go on any more. Just keep trying, it won't be sunny and rainbows all damn day or all the time and we have to learn how to accept those rainy nights, cold winters and dazed autumns. It sucks and makes no sense. No one can really give answer to the reasoning but it's something we've got to do. Don't let someone or something hold you back or let someone make you stay and wait because they've found an extended happiness for the moment or they found their actual happiness. That prevents you from seeing what's down the road and regret the shoulda, coulda and wouldas you know??

No one said it would be easy. No one said it would hard. Those that said so, are only finding an easy way of encouragement. Sometimes it works and for others it doesn't. We're not meant to know what we're going to be and many of you can agree with me and say you're not the same person who started this journey. I'm probably the last person who should be telling anybody to keep on going and trying. Since I'm at a point in my road where I'm taking shelter at this little house with no hope or a way to move along. But keep on trying, I guarantee it will be worth it and you'll get to experience so much and have so many memories. Plus I think the more experiences you have the wiser you will be.


So keep at that path and work hard, do your best. Do what's best for you and your life. It's yours and no on else's. It can be fixed even if it seems like it can't. Just takes a little bit of elbow grease and determination. Eventually when you begin to experience the good and can deal with the bad and over the things that'll know you down. That's when you know you're doing great and you're going in the right direction.


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Family Knots

You know how people always say that there's nothing like Family and how important having a Family is. The love and the support and all that good stuff. I'm all for that and I respect that. That's how a family should be loving, caring and close knit. However there families with issues, problems, those that are broken and others that are dysfunctional. Nobody's perfect and that's how things work.


Then there's my family, they are the creators of the word dysfunctional. Matter of fact they take it beyond dysfunction, hate, disturbed, mentally ill and definite shit starters. They have more gall to fight and argue and keep stuff started that feelings and love go out the window quicker than a dust bunny running from the vacuum cleaner.

Now my Dad's side of the family after he died I never existed to them. Before he died I never existed. Hell his own brother would call the house after he died and say I want to talk to the Mrs. like I'm the house maid or something. My uncle's kids ignore me and dislike me only because my dad's mother disliked my mom. So it's nothing new and at least they're consistent with their bullcrap. And to be honest I don't really know any of them personally a few I know of but that's about it.

My Mother's family fight and argue and keep more secrets more than allowed. However they won't call to say hello or see how me and the mama are doing. If you call them they're do disgusted that you may ask them to do something they go into this bitching and moaning about how they're so fucking busy and stuff and makes no sense. They act real brand new and ignore you and act like you were never born. However when they want a birthday or graduation presents, or when they want money or they act like you're a Genie and want a ton of favors and could you do this for me, please & thank you, I owe you one type shit.

They are so ridiculous and want to argue and fight. But I'll be gosh damn, I am not gonna be so loving like my parents were. I'm gonna say hell to the no. Then why the fuck should I buy you a present or take what little money I may have to give to you when you're the same mother–flipper who told me you wish I would become an orphan and oh no I can't take you to school because it's too damn far away and no I'm not gonna help you and I refuse to do this and I refuse to do that shit. Unlike my mom, I'm not going to let it go. As soon as they talk some dumb shit I'm going to be like No, no one wants to help me get a job or be a reference and remember me moving 2 hours away was such a long ass way?? Yea so go fuck yourself.


Anyway the reason why I brought it up was a few things.


1. For my birthday one of my older cousins wished me a Happy One. It was odd because she hasn't wished me a Happy Birthday in like 3 or 4 years. Now I ended up in some of her mess, though. Her husband supposedly got this girl pregnant and the girl's sister is talking LOADS of bull to me and how I know what's going on. Like no, I don't know what's going on hadn't seen her husband in over 3 or so years at the time. All this mess. So the last time I talked to this cousin I was asking her if she knew any hair salons that did kinky twists. I needed my hair done for school. This bird going to cope an attitude and tell me I need to wear my hair in an Afro an be done with it because braids this and braids that. That's not what the fuck I asked you T_T. And my hair ain't nappy like yours an it won't Afro. So this year she wishes me a Happy Birthday. Well it's stranger, we don't talk and now all of sudden you're in love with me?? Well her oldest son is graduating from high school if he hasn't done so already. So she's having a PARTY FOR HIM and INVITED ME—why?? Not because they really wanted me to go and then she had two kids before him graduate. But because she wanted a present. Plus I bet she wants to bring up why that dumb broad was bitching about the whole husband knocked my sister up fiasco. Bitch please I won't give you the satisfaction.



2. My other cousin usually gets on Facebook and talk all this dumb shit. So he decides to mentions that you can't or you shouldn't prune your family tree too much because you'd have nothing to write about on Facebook. So I bluntly told him my tree is whittled down to a stick and I still got epic shit to write about, and I don't have this blog and website for nothing. I know it pissed him off and I'm glad. He's the same homo who was playing minds games about picking me up from school and how I need to respect his aunt and call her my aunt and I'm like she's my cousin just like you are and she don't even call my mom her ain't and my mother is her mother, your grandmother sister. So don't feed me that bullshit.



3. TODAY!! I go into the Giant Eagle the grocery store or market here. I went in to get a recyclable bag so I could carry the drinks I was getting because it's easy to carry and those paper cup holders get wet they get weak and aren't very stable. So I notice this little boy, a teenager, he's staring at me and making faces at me and I'm like what the waffle is this?? O_o so I go in the store and I'm looking for the recyclable bags and walking about the store and this kid is following me and walking pass me and making noises and I'm like what are you trying to get my attention or do you want my striped cutie flat up your anus??? So I took a minute to think and then I'm like I wonder if it's that boy or not. So he kept following me and staring. When I finally couldn't find the bag, I said oh we'll and went to the front of the store by the check outs and registers and there stood the boy and he looked dead in my face and I'm like YUP IT'S YOU you little fuck face. Anyway it was a baby cousin. His sister was the skank I roomed with in college who gave me more hell and problems than you can stick a shake at!! I couldn't believe the little douchewaffle had the nerve an audacity to sit there and state and make faces at me like either say hello and e done with it or stop staring at me. So I still went in search for the bag and gave up once more. I head up to the front to pay for what I had obtained and there he stood talking to some other kids and staring and watching me check out like a certified creeper. I guess he got disgusted I didn't say anything to him, but I don't have to I'm a grown ass woman and he's a kid regardless and since he only wanted to talk to me the last time I saw him when he wanted fundraiser money for his school but said fuck you all other times. Yea don't talk to me, I hate you and your sisters and your mom and grandmother. So bite me, ok!




It makes no sense to me, I rather cut all ties to them even though you shouldn't burn your bridges as you go along. However if those people refuse to help or support you or me or whoever. Why do I need to keep you in my life?? If they're bold enough to tell me I need to learn to drive and stop asking for them to help or they wish I become an orphan. Yea I really don't need you negative haters in my life AT ALL. Family is important and it makes a person to grow up to be a bad or good person as they grow up. It brings love and support. That's all great, it can be a beautiful thing and I hope to someday raise my kids with that understanding. However all the fighting and being related who you want to be and gripping generations and all the bull has got to stop. It's unnecessary and it makes and promotes a broken family, people you don't know you're related to and don't get me started on the incest within the family because of stubborn or self-centered people. That's the stuff that pisses me off. Don't judge me or make fun of me and consider yourself high and mighty or better. We are family whether we like it or not and what's so sad when the world turns your back on you and all you got is your family—in my case everybody's against me and I don't have that love and support. However I would rather be alone and miserable and unhappy than to be with people who refuse to help, support or love me.



It makes no sense. But I guess that's why the same makes so sense to me, you can't pick and choose your family. So you either put up with their bull or learn to accept it and move on.


Family is important though so if you've got a good one, hold on to it and them as tight as you can. Because being alone without it being your choice is heartbreaking and I doubt many people can be ok with it like I've become ok with it.



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Another Reason Why Japan Is So Awesome

The First Reason Why Japan Is Awesome

But you must admit that this is the awesomeness coolest things you ever did see!!

I'll call this the Kustard Packet :D lol

Keepin Up With The Beauregardes

Old People Are Bringing Sexy Back!!

Student Loan Debt

Hell I got 6 figure student loan debt, had no choice but to be at home with my mother and can't seem to catch a break :p

Why I Have A Problem With Men

Ok Now I don't want to be seen as a man hater, I love men because they can be good people. They're strong, courageous, smart and can be very loving in their own way. However, I dislike men because they act stupid, make broken promises and concreted lies, they hurt women regardless if they intended to or not. Then once they get a couple doses of a nasty ass girl, they feel all women have to be nasty. They've turned into lazy, shiftless, trifling and don't even want to get a job and those that do stay at home they won't even watch the kids. They're just so shiftless and expect to get the world, the car, free rent, an allowance, and sex when they demand it. But it's like DAMN Really Dude?? I can't get you to take me to the Family Restaurant for a $8 meal without expecting a blow job, threesome and free sex.

However if I make a man work for it or put my foot down like No Fuck that I'm not gonna do that. Then I'm being wrong and stingy or I'm so bourgeois and saddity. Then God forbid if I dress up a little bit thinking I could catch a good catch, I'm considered High Maintenance. Like screw you, I'm sorry only time I'm going to actually cater to a man fully without any serious problems, is when I get treated like a queen. I mean nice things and respect, sex ain't the topic, question or answer because I can get off without a man OK!!



So I'm a little agitated. Here I am playing on The Sims Social and enjoying myself, minding my own business when this wild facebook chat pops the hell up outta nowhere. My first thought is who is this person and how exactly are we friends??? Anyway here's the conversation:

Creep: hey 

Me: HI 

Creep: whats up 

Me: nothing much u?? 

Creep: just relaxing right now wana talk ? 

Me: about what??

Creep: what are you doing

Me: playing sim social for now might blog for a bit

Creep: kool 

Me: yup yup 

Creep: wana do something

Me: (suspicious) something like what?? 

Creep: well im just jerking off with one hand while im talking to you going to cum soon wana play with me on cam or something

Me: no thanks

Creep: come on plz just help me cum

Me: no and plus why should i??

Creep: nvm sryy this cam up

Me: ok

Really?? Really?? I am not a stripper or porn star or a webcam girl—yet. But even if I was, dammit show some respect like how the fuck you gonna ask me to get on cam so I can help you bust a nut??? You ain't paying me and why the fuck would I want to do that in the first place. Why are there free porn on the net for??


But then I realized, I couldn't be pissed because that's what all men do to me. No it's not a few or couple or a handful. Every guy that decides to talk to me or approach me always talks about sex or let's do it this way or lets do it that a way, WHAT ABOUT A BLOW JOB???

My Tongue Ring is meant for Decorative purposes ONLY ok. The only time I MIGHT CONSIDER THAT is with my husband, and that ain't a guarantee. But that's for a different post.


Men, stop treating women like this, you may can pull this dumb shit off on a stupid hoe but don't do it to a nice girl or a good woman. When we snap, you can't get mad.

Here's an example: You wouldn't like it if a woman came up to you and said Hi and just went into your pants pocket and snatched out your wallet or all your cash and started counting the shit and started divvying it up and telling you what you ain't gonna do and nag the fuck outta you—NO You wouldn't like that shit, then don't do it to the women. Would you want some nasty ass little boy saying that to your daughter or better yet some nasty old man saying that shit to your mama?? Then don't do it, matter of fact, stop that shit right now.



I want to see all the men who think sex is the only thing that matters and makes the perverted world go round and round, what the fuck they plan on doing when they can't get the damn thing up no more, and guess what Viagra and ExtenZe and all that other shit won't help. So think about that ok.


My rant is now over. So men, thank your brethren to fucking it up for you and making women like me hate you that much more and turn into Lesbians you can only fantasize about ^_^.


Oh and by the way, that guy that was "chatting it up" with me, he was deleted from my friends list and blocked faster than he could ever bust a nut in his lifetime (^ㅂ^)

Happy Martini Day!!

Or MONTH or YEAR or whatever but YAY (^ㅂ^)

The Adidas Shackle Sneakers

I find these to be just exactly what they are....SHOES. What I find reminiscent of slavery is the lack of parental involvement, children without knowing who their fathers are, inadequate education, no hope, no prayers, the inability of not being able to go to college and those that can go to college either have to drop out due to not having any money or the financial aid or support needed, and the fact that jobs are becoming less & less open to people of color..baby mamas and baby daddies and ignorant and illiterate people are all grouped into the "black" race. I even get thrown in the mix, regardless of my French Name, and my white father and the fact I may have a different speech from the Hood Chicks from the neighborhood that doesn't matter because I'll always be grouped in with everyone.


So instead of worrying about why these shoes are so disturbing, lets focus on the more important issues at hand ok??


Geez it's shoes, get over it!

That's If They Fit Lol

Yes yes they should Ladies, but if you're like me and have big boobs sometimes it's hard just keeping those uncouth animals in the damn bra!!

My mom tells me I look just like her (the girl below is Nakuru Narumi) about the boobs and glasses (and I guess blonde hair too when I was a blonde)

Naru's a total Hottie!! Hell I would even marry her ^_^
she loves fetishes and think glasses are sexy just like I do.....
Well maybe in some sense she's an anime version of myself--did I mention she loves Yaoi too! XD

Meeting Someone New

It's funny how you meet people. Usually as strangers it the first awkward eye contact and nice smile with a uneasy hello or other greeting. Then once you spark up a conversation you can almost call each other long lost friends from Atlantis lol.


Me and Madea met a guy like that the other day. Even though he was selling cable he was nice and not aggressive. He listen and enjoyed our company as much as we enjoyed him. A really great guy!!

It's a shame that people nowadays can't be friendly like that anymore. Now everyone expects something in return, which to a point there's nothing wrong with that. However, it's just as nice enjoying someone's company and getting to know them and have a nice chat every once in awhile. Not saying that you need to be surrounded by a gang of people or your own personal entourage of protégés. You can have just as much fun with just one or two people and never think that 3's a crowd or be forced in a third wheel situation.


You can get along with people by talking about stuff—ANY STUFF!! And telling stories and giving feedback on intellectual topics and discuss many, many things. I think, well it's my belief, that's what makes being with people on a personal level so enjoyable. It makes you want to get back out there and meet new friends. Or at least that's how I feel about it lol.

Don't get me wrong I love my friends who are closest to me and care for me sincerely and genuinely. However the wishy washy friends—I can do and live without.

But your assignment for today, this week, the rest of this month and next month too—go out and meet someone new and get to know them, just spark up a conversation. Don't get discouraged if they don't want to talk at first. You tried your best and try again. The person that's happy to talk to you, trust me you'll be utterly surprised at how much fun and excitement you'll experience.

Random Fact Of Which You Did Not Know

A Lover's Whim

I'm probably going to ramble so bear with me ok??







I think as we grow up from being children to adults, we are told so many happy, great and perfect things about love, relationships and the happiness that goes along with it. However they refuse to tell us about the bad times, the nights filled with heartache and crying, and even what to do next when our hearts are broken and not even the strongest glue or bandaid can't fix it.

We make mistakes and it takes a lifetime to really get to know a friend, let alone of you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Cold feet ain't the word for it. I think that's one of the many problems men have—having to stay with the same woman for 50 years is a scary thing. There's no givesy-backsy or I refuse or changing the horse in the middle of the race. Plus I think that's another reason why when temptation becomes more important and divorce a cowards way out of a serious commitment. However it shouldn't have to come to that. You know in 10 seconds what you're ordering from a restaurant or fast food joint. You know if you love someone or want to spend forever with them.

But it's hard and makes things difficult. Because once you get out in the real world, you find out life's not a fairy tale and you may not end up with that Happy Ending you assumed you get as a small child. You make bad choices and get hurt. You never understand why and never receive an answer of reasoning. Reminds me of my first crush not that one where you like someone new but where you really really like someone. I wrote a note to a friend and someone read it in their class and exposed me and my feelings. Not only was I embarrassed and hurt. He still acted like I didn't exist and I really really liked him. I didn't have a reason why or how—I just did. Then I ended up with the Junior/Senior High crush. Told him I liked him (he was the football captain by the way) he said that's nice and let's just be friends. It's funny how guys whine about being friendzoned but no one ever mentions about a girl being friendzoned. I did, however, had a guy who liked me during that time but I was so infatuated with the football captain and other people interfered that we doubted each other and just were really good friend irregardless of what people said. Maybe that was sort of sad in a bittersweet kind of way, then again maybe it was for the best. Because of we could be swayed so easily by other people and couldn't even start a relationship, imagine that possible relationship falling apart over some he said, she said bullshit. It would've been tragic.

Yet in still I had my mind in that Happily Ever After. Even back then, I would've never considered that I would have my heart broken twice and had my world turned upside down and chewed up and spit out. Two broken hearts, and so many men who hurt me. That's definitely not what I had in mind for my fairy tale. Even though they say you can still obtain the happiness you want, it's hard. Not too many men want to settle down until they're way in the forties. They don't want kids until their 60s. A woman can't wait that long, and even if she tried to it could kill her. Age or whatever they say, having a baby way beyond your mid 30s is a no no. Because you become selfish. You don't think about the child any more. You don't think about what if I can't participate, what if my retirement check doesn't cover college, what if I die early who's going to take in my child and raise them?? There are no grandparents and very little family and more stories about people who have the same significance as a character in a bedtime story. You lose patience and find yourself not wanting to do some of the things your child may want. I know that for a fact. I lived it. I still am living it.

I won't get to have my father walk me down the aisle and I may end up where I have to tell my children if I have any at all, stories about my parents.

That's what so sad. People are losing out on what could be the best thing ever. They're so caught up in a falsified love that they neglect the important things. All because we weren't told or shown the right way. Then there are people like me who were shown the right way and can say hey I want to marry someone like my mom/dad who'll be good to me and treat me right and love me for all eternity. However we end up with people shown the wrong way and those who could care less and we end up burnt and hurt and refuse to open up. Not because we're afraid to trust or love, it's not worth getting hurt and wasting love and time on someone who doesn't deserve it or who takes you for granted.

I found myself for the past couple days thinking about the guy I fell in love with. The way he treated me when I last saw him was wrong and unneeded but it hurt me just the same. I don't understand why he's with his wife and nor do I want to, bad timing isn't the thing, it's like I never got a chance to fight for what I truly wanted. I got gipped and so what who cares?? And even though I fell in love with a girl the same thing applied. It's not that I don't want to try again or I refuse to try again. I just don't want to end up hurt and wasted another handful of good years for nothing all for someone who didn't care in the first place. I get that some people are meant to be in our lives for a season like Tyler Perry said. I get that. But you shouldn't have to reduce yourself to having to deal with fair weathered friends, family and lovers especially.

I think if parents and other people tell us as kids and other kids that love can be unpredictable and wrong and hurtful at times. I think we can be more understanding and appreciative of how love works and be able to accept the rejection and hurt that comes along with love in a better light. We can say ok, we learned from that, let's move along. Oppose to crying your eyes out and wondering what you did wrong and how did it ended up this way. Plus you don't want to make bad decisions either. Especially those you'll regret later on.

However we're exposed to all this love is great and being single is worse than death fisçade. That when we finally enter the real world and expect to have a good love life and a great relationship, it blows up in our face and makes loving someone hard. Opening up to people and trusting them that much harder. Then we miss out on a happiness that we can never experience due to falsehood, promises, lies and wrong information.

Even now through all the bull and heartbreaks I've had. I still feel deep in my heart that if I take time out and work on me and fix my disadvantages and turn them into advantages and say I am going to be HIS everything and the best thing that will ever happen to him, that maybe just maybe I can open up a little bit and love someone else. However that other part of me who was let down, stood up, ignored, friendzoned, hurt, abandoned, misunderstood and misinterpreted, labelled and hurt more times than allowed says No, I don't want to try any more, that's a risk I just can't take—I refuse to be hurt again because even when I'm hurt, lonely and crying there's not going to be someone there to make me feel better and I have to figure it out on my own or accept it or live with the pain. To be honest in a non-selfish way, I care too much for myself to let something like that happen again for a third time. I rather be considered off standish, cold hearted and mean than to be easy, hurt and left in the darkness like always. Plus I'll be honest and say I'm afraid too. You know the saying how all things come in threes. I don't want to work on another love and watch it fail miserably and that would be it. I'm afraid of that and that constantly weighs in on my mind. I want happiness too, but I'm afraid that it won't turn out they way I expect it to. High expectations and negative results are a bad combo.


We're so consumed with the fantasy of love and being intimate with someone because it is a need, that we lose sight on what's best for ourselves. Imagine this, when a friend has a broken heart the first thing you say is don't worry, you didn't deserve him/her and they aren't worthy of you besides you'll find someone new and worth of you and who'll make your dreams come true—don't act like you don't. In my case I have to catch myself from saying that, because it's not right. That's like hoping to see a Unicorn before your 25th birthday. It's my belief that the better the situation you come from the hard it is to accept the negative side to love. Because you know exactly what you want and need but it's next to impossible to find. I want a guy who's like my dad, even though I hate to admit that, it's true. Someone who'll love and protect me, treat me good, love me for me and do whatever he could and can for me the whole while being there for me. I don't expect a guy to have a fancy job or a fancy car. I'll settle for a burger flipper with a beat up old jalopy—materialistic things are just that a material item and it can always be replaced.


I know for a fact a good human being and good loving can never be replaced or fabricated. It just can't. You can pretend and fake it all you want. The real thing is so much better. Also to me the lack of this "love" messes up the children who will grow up without knowing what's it ever really like to love. It's like a vicious cycle that will be hard to break—or at least until the next man comes along and says he wants to do the right thing step up to the plate and love his woman and take care of children and teach them the right and wrong ways. But that also applies to the single moms out there. Because of love they make the wrong decisions too. They cater to the horrible baby's dad and neglect their children. Not only does her kids grow up without love, but they grow up badly.


Love makes us do crazy things. Sometimes for the best and other times for the worst. It's hard to judge love seriously because you get so caught up you loose sight on what's wrong and try to make justification and accept whatever comes. Loving yourself is one thing, but to learn to love someone else, you need people who love you and then that's when you can honestly say you know how to love someone.


Maybe things might change in the near and distant future, or maybe they'll continue this way for awhile. But I know from experience loving someone or anyone for that matter and not receiving the same love in return hurts more than any crush or the "timing was off" circumstance.


I won't say I won't fall in love with someone else again. However it will be hard and difficult because I refuse to let anyone—well any more people hurt me. It's not selfish, remember that, you have to do what's best for you sometimes even if that means doing something you hate to do or will regret later on. Always do what's best for you, you will be the only person in the world to accept and love you.



Love isn't something you play with and shouldn't be taken so lightly. However it is and gets chewed up and spit out and turns into something ugly. It makes people jaded even when they really don't want to be—wouldn't you agree??


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Taurascope for Today

I thought that this was a nice one. It's been awhile since I last got a nice horoscope. Mostly they've been talking about finding love in all corners of the earth and how Princey-Poo will sweep me so hard off my feet I would land upon a Pink Rain Cloud that rains rainbow rose petals and lovely pink and red hearts whilst the sun kisses the moon. Yeah—when purple pigs fly and actually say the word OINK!


But I like this one ^_^:

Some people around you might think that you have never really matured, Taurus, that you still have the mind of a child. It might not seem obvious at first, but your lighthearted attitude is also a sign of great wisdom. As with those who have truly committed to long-term romances, you will find out that you'll never lose your lightheartedness.

Yup Yup!! :D hehehee


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