No Matter What They Say

I've decided that I'm going to start me a project-slash-experiment.

Ok so those of you that don't know me well. I am a "big girl" I call it FLUFFY. But we all have our own vices right?? Lol

Anyway so in the midst of my Road To Mommyhood, I've decided to be a single mom. However finding a guy worth while, you feel comfortable with on a intimate ONLY level with No Strings Attached—more like SEVERED. Lemme tell you it's a hard task!! It's like a high school drop trying to get Steve Jobs' JOB. It's possible—but best believe it will be hard and a difficult and feel like its damn near impossible.

So anyway. I'm googling and searching. Applying to the Internet dating sites, posting personals, connecting with new people, etc, etc. and I've found more dickheads and useless ass men than a stray can find good food in a garbage can (buffet) boo-fet. Yea.

So here's your favorite Bunny wondering well maybe there is something that's unattractive about me. Could it be my personality?? Or my super quick temper?? My being a Taurus??? What could it be?? I decide to look for advice. We all need it, even those of us that give it lol. I'm looking and I'm reading and researching. However it seems like I'm doing everything right—

Well hold the hell up what am I doing wrong then??? So I continue to read and read and read!! I spent days, nights and wee-hours reading. I guess I'm missing something, right?? I know I have a blonde moment very now and then but damn I'm not that slow!!

All I kept seeing was MEN LOVE WOMEN. SHAPE DOESN'T MATTER!! IT'S PERSONALITY WITH A CAPITAL Y, WHY?? BECAUSE MEN LOVE WOMEN!!!

So one site was giving out advice saying men love women and how to get a boyfriend/lover (would you believe they deleted the post??) Your clothes are fine, your make-up looks great!! Your hair is fine, your personality is great, don't be so hard on yourself!! You're just fine the way you are and if a guy can't see that from jump street he's missing out!! (I'm paraphrasing here so bare with me)

Then I move on to another article. And maybe in a matter of 15 no more than 20 minutes. I get into reading the article—by the same person I might add—and I couldn't finish it. "Topic 2" fucked with my head:

Now the first part about looking great in bed can seem shallow, but umm… yeah, guys like that. Unless they have a fetish for BBWs [Read: Sexual fetishes].

〈Source: Lovepanky | What Men Want In Bed〉

Wait, um excuse me!?!

BBW?? Being "fat" is a sin enough and frowned upon. But for someone to be into you. Basically for a Big Girl to be liked, loved, or sought out sexually by ANY MAN is a fetish?? Oh hell naw, to me, you just compared me to a foot fetish or a serious role playing cosplayer fetish creep?? I'm sorry but I take offense to that. Pissed me off. But then again it made sense.

Now I'm not a 500-pounder who eats 20 burgers and a Buffet Bar meal 30 times a day. Nor am I super model anorexic. But because I weigh more than I probably should and I don't look like Shelly the Skeleton, men won't be interested in me because of that and if any guy is interested it's only for fetish purposes only. Oh yea that's real romantic.

While I'm googling this "fat fetish" crap, I notice this one article this guy wrote [Ask A Dude: Do Guys Like Bigger Girls?]. He said he rather have a girl who is "curvy" or "voluptuous" than/opposed to a skinny girl. Reason being because a skinny girl can look so "grotesque" and "malnourished" (I'm being nice here). So not only did I find the article full of crap or just crazy. Because I think in my personal opinion that Zoe Saldana is much prettier than Beyoncé. I hate Beyoncé's funky ass attitude, always did always have and the I AM ATTENTION FIERCE gets old real quick with me. Her music is ok until she starts that cats mating & sexing screams fucks my ear drums up!! Plus Zoe wore that pretty purple pom-pom dress by Givenchy to the 2010 Oscars (it's in my top list of awesome fashion ensembles lol). However, I was in awe of the FIRE STORM BATTLE because of what he said!! Like omg!! You call a girl fat and when a riot breaks out society says No No you're not fat, you're CURVY, VOLUPTUOUS, BIG & BEAUTIFUL *snap, snap* and everybody accepts it without a fight and people are ok with this. There's just acceptance and some big females take it too far and believe that dumb shit!!

But call a skinny girl anorexic, malnourished or too damn skinny and all hell breaks loose!! And some of the comments, if you read the article and wonder why it loads so damn slow, the comments are IN INFINITY AND BEYOND—

But if you didn't here's two of the comments:

Just to make bigger girls feel better?? Well you just killed everybody's confidence twiggy!! I'm 5'3" but even I think 100lbs is unhealthy..... That's the same size and possible weight of a 10year old kid!! That's not healthy!! Besides eating 2 more baby carrots than your friends isn't eating more than them.

Let's move on:

WOW!! Shaped like the earth though?? God forbid that he was trying to boost this poor girl's self esteem and then to read this it's like GAWD, IM SORRY MY FAT ROLLS OFFEND YOU....the hell??

How rude is that?? Really?? I mean are people unaware that the gym cost money?? Do they not know that some people can't afford the cutie diets or super duper organic foods?? Did you know some people have a glandular problem?? Or maybe the medication they take put weight on them?? Or he'll maybe nobody in the household knows how to cook and Mickey D's, BK & Wendy's is the best they can do?? But damn, maybe someone finds comfort in it—I can see why with all the negativity rolling around. Skinny jeans to cute tops, shoes, to even jobs—The thinner & prettier you are the more society loves you and will cater to you.

And don't you dare tell me no.

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I went into the local Kmart and saw they had screened Tees. I love screened Tees. So I'm checking the racks out and all I see is:

XXS, XS, S, M, L

All of the above are priced $9.

Out of the 50+ shirts I saw, I only found about 5 each of XL & XXL. Now I wear a XL (or 1X whatever you call it). If I get a 2X it's because the boobs are too big or arm space, something ok. But that's about it. Anyway–

The XL & XXL were in between $12-15. But both were the same exact size as the Large.

No. I've brought better shirts from Rue21 and Burlingtons. What the fuck?? So I checked out blue jeans. Sizes 000-17/18 were all either $5-$10 (at the most). I got a big booty and thighs to match—oh and let's not forget my earth shaped waist {lol?}. So I go sift through the "plus sized" section. $50 for a pair of cheap ass blue jeans that not only look like a blimp but are unflattering as hell!! Look mom jeans are cooler than the ones I found—DAMN. I did find a pair for $3 but in a color I hate that's hard to match (all sales final too)—fucking plum and not a pretty plum. That death looking plum that when you piece it to other colors makes you look like a serial killing fat ass clown. Only thing that looks good with them is a black turtle neck..... Summer's coming and I don't think so. Even if it was 110 below ZERO, I am NOT NEVER EVER wearing a black turtle neck!!

While I'm still at the Kmart. I see all the cute colorful skittle jeans, and the awesome tops and all this cutie stuff for the skinny girls and I get pissed. Why?? Well for a number of reasons. If I wanted to dress like that I would have to spend $100s!! And not at a normal store, either I'd have to go online more than likely to get what I'm looking for. Even though I love to eat and love food, I'm not fat because of that. Everyone knows you gain weight in college (20-30 pounds to be exact if not more)—it's inevitable! But because of the medication I was on for my Hyperthyroidism, that made me gain weight. Let's take it back: had a eating disorder in high school due to skinny girls picking on me, lost the weight. Went from a size 22 to a 8. Then fat girls (who I thought were my friends and moral supporters) started making fun of me and I started eating ice cream. Went from a 8 to a 18, devastating I know. Now let's go back even further, I got sick in elementary. Inner ear infection, a virus, strep throat, etc all around the same time. Doctor gave me the wrong antibiotics, made me more sick than I already was and damn near killed my immune system. So he put me on steroids to get my body back into motion. Guess what—gained WEIGHT.

SO!!

Then I decided to ask a couple of questions. And men if you're reading this. Be honest with a woman. Don't lie or tell her some dumb shit not unless you have to. Trust me I know!! We all got that one friend that asks,"Does this look good on me??" and you say yes only to avoid a fight knowing they look a mess and they wouldn't take it as constructive criticism or a helpful hint maybe. And who wants to deal with a crazy butt?? Yes, those are times when a lie comes in handy. But don't give a girl hell coz she's fluffy, fat or big without asking why?? But if she was skinny you'd be all over that—that is hypocritical and just rude fuck shallow (and imma get to yawl later on too).

So here I am baffled, confluzzled and ticked. Men and society say it doesn't matter if your big or fat. Men love women, and you keep being you. But only hot guys, fat guys, skinny guys, ugly guys, retarded guys, famous guys—GUYS period only date/want HOT GIRLS. Did you know Ladies that a skinnier person will make $25,000 more than a "overweight" person will. Are you aware that a size 12 is considered overweight or obese??

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So in my twisted little mind, I ended up having a thought:

So if you're skinny or "curvy" guys are in love with you and will be ripping and tearing your door down. Well wait a minute. For majority of my high school life I wasn't super thin but I was a good size and weight. Guys weren't interested in me in one bit. Matter of fact they ignored the fuck outta me!!

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa something is definitely wrong here!!!

There's no way that's it.

So I think and think. Now whether I was a size 22, a 8 or a 18 or whatever. I'm lucky if I actually get a guy to actually commit to taking me somewhere. Let alone hoping for a date or a boyfriend. The fuck is this??

What do I personally think of this situation?? It's genetics.

And I'm going to prove it!!

One Size DOES NOT Fit All—

The above photo was for V Magazine and Models.com. The purpose was to show that no matter the size of the woman or what she looks like. Everyone can wear the same thing. Now if you hadn't realized it yet, the model in the upper and lower right hand corners is a plus size model. The photo is not airbrushed or photoshopped in anyway or form. To be a "proper" plus size model you have to be no shorter than 5'5" you must have a flat stomach, toned arms and legs (no flab or rolls), must be pretty, have long hair and be no bigger than a size 14 or 16 (at the most maybe 18). As far as I'm concerned. That's a normal skinny girl in our real world. Or as I like to call it: A Nutritious Anorexic. Click the photo to see the rest of the photo shoot.

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I'm going on my diet (hence I said my diet). Lose the weight and get down to whatever I can. Prove to you it's not about beauty or shape or education. Because if that were true, there wouldn't be single people let alone divorced or widowed people either. Plus how do we explain how some fat people are hooked up and how ugly people are hooked up and how the bitchiest people are hooked up or the selfish people. You get me?? You see what I mean??

So yea that's what I'm going to do. Because if that's the case then I shall say that I'm wrong and apologize and so on and so forth. But if not and my theory proves right we shall discuss why this happens or why it is!!

In conclusion, No MATTER what anybody says, Men don't love women based on our personalities or characteristics or if our hips say we can bear 10 kids or not. Thin is beautiful and it's sad really that our society feels that way and not only accepts but does nothing to fix or correct it you know??

Tragic, really.

But just so you know, I think all women all beautiful no matter what size or shape they are. It's what's on the inside that counts the most. Coz I know big women and skinny women equally who are bitches at heart and others who are sweeter than candy. And that's coming from a bisexual woman ok!! HELLO!!