Filtered Heartache

Even though in my current situation I'm trying to make things work and find a job or at least find some ways of making money so I can at least take care of myself and the kittens. But it's been very hard. 

There are many times I've doubted myself, many times I wanted to kick myself for something I've done or something I should've/could've/would've done. In the end I keep telling myself, keep reminding myself that through all this pain, through this unbearable struggle—have faith that it'll work out. I'm beyond frustrated. I'm broke. With the little but I do have I have to wonder should I save it for bills?? 

But I think the worst part of it all is trying to explain to my kids that we don't have. They're cats, they understand very little. But to tell them no you can't eat so fast, no you can't drink so much is hard. It's actually heartbreaking to say the least. I worry about them more than anything else. I want us to stay together and still be a family. I want them to be able to have food and the necessities they need. But I'm doubting myself as to if I can really do this. I'm deciding what's more important cat food or cat litter?? How can I afford both?? Then I even have to wonder, should I send my kids to the shelter? Or maybe give them to a family or families that can afford them?? Even though I know that's the best thing for them probably. I always say no…only because I know they wouldn't be happy. 

Then I try to ration out their food so we can save and have enough. 

Honestly I hadn't planned on filling up their bowl. But the look on the faces and the gentle strokes on my knees made me cave and fill their bowl. Of course they were happy. But I felt indifferent. Only because I have to ration and make one bag last for months instead of weeks. But then I felt so awful denying them food, even as I write this I feel like curling up into a ball and crying about it. Because I see myself as being a horrible person. I can't take care of myself, I have to deny my cats food to save money and I'm falling apart as life goes on. 

I sit here and think I have no right owning them. Even rationing myself to one meal a day is hard. Doing that to them is even harder. But then I think, what else is there I can do?? 

My luck in finding a job is shitty, I have little to no help or support and I'm basically stuck. 

It breaks my heart I have to treat my kids so bad because we don't have. And honestly.…I don't think things will get much better. 

This time I'm falling apart from the inside out.

Did Someone Say Patriotic Roses??

Bouqs is having a sale!! You get two patriotic bouquets (red, white and blue roses) for the price of one when you use the code: SUMMER2FOR1

AMC Combo Coupon

AMC: Get $6 off a Combo #1 and share it with your favorite Autobot! Get it with this coupon thru 7/3: http://bit.ly/Tu2uay

Petco 20% Off

Get 20% off your entire purchase by using the code: FRIENDS 

This ends June 28!! 

神様おねがい | Kamisama Onegai

A Rainbow Bouq

Honestly this is by far the most beautifulest thing I have seen in a long time. Mostly I'm not into flowers or bouquets. But I don't know this one rubbed me the right way made me wish I had someone to buy this for me that I can shower with "thank you's" and kisses. Sounds super girly Shoujo I know lol. 

Anyway kids. It's pride month, go buy your love some beautiful roses. 

Plus if you sign up, you'll get an extra 15% off your order!!

Coupons For Me Fellow Pet Lovers!

Hey kids got two awesome deals for you! 

They're only good for today so act now why you still can!

PetSmart is offering FREE SHIPPING and 20% off of orders $60+!! 

Petco is offering a free $5 e-card plus FREE SHIPPING on orders $25+

Jobs, Yo—

What fucks me up the most about searching to employment is the fact that job postings lie. Whether it's the catchy title or the intriguing summary. It's a lie. 

Now this job's summary said: no experience is required, entry level, we train you, apply now for immediate consideration. 

So I clicked on it. 

After reading a short essay on how awesome this job was here's what's needed for the job. Before I get to that, I've notice a lot of jobs want your attention and they throw out like 5-6 paragraphs about their company and it's mostly one or two paragraphs stretched out to hold your attention. Because at some point they should know if someone is desperate for jobs, you're looking for the apply button hoping that this will be the chance you need. But what's funny they post their little picky ass wants in the middle or at the end. So as you're looking for the apply button. You've missed the key part about this. But you didn't know and won't find out until they send you a rejection email. And you have to go back to the posting like what the fuck did I just miss?? (Think of Eddie Murphy on James Brown from DELIRIOUS) Then you know what you missed and you're wondering why the fuck did you say you're looking for any kind of "dog" but then say you only take specific breeds like "German Shepards, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Boston Terriers, and Poodles" what the hell is that???

Anyway. Back to this job. After I skimmed through the company history, here's what I found:

Previous medical or pharmaceutical sales experience is not required for these positions as our clients and affiliates are generally looking for candidates with the following qualifications: 
•Bachelor's degree or higher
•Clean driving record- no more than two minors in five years, no DUIs
•Currently in outside, business-to-business sales
•History of job stability- no more than two jobs in five years and preferably within the same industry
•History of sales success or leadership experience if a recent college grad

Now the job title or summary did not mention any of that. However if I didn't skim through it, I would've applied, and ended up with a rejection email sometime this week. 

For so many people who are unemployed and struggling, to tell them that they can get a job is wonderful news. But then say you refuse to hire them because they're not what you're looking for or how you want this premadonna candidate is crazy. Barbie don't come with her house, wardrobe or friends. You gotta go buy that shit. So either accept Barbie with her two outfits and shoes to match. Or dream of having someone else's Barbie who has the house, the clothes, the pink ass car and the side bitches to tote. Guess what genius, you can have the same thing too if you weren't so fucking particular and have people a chance. Not everyone who's unemployed is a bum or loser. Just like not all single women are going to come into work drunk and flirt with all the men. 

These employers are crazy! And I get mad when people tell me just go apply and you'll get something because you're doing this for you. No I'm not. I've applied to over 500 jobs in a month. I got 10 maybe 15 interviews. No job. Why because I'm not the candidate they're looking for. I haven't worked steady in the last 5 years, I don't have a degree, I don't have experience, I don't have references, I don't have this and I don't have that. The other day guy told me he wouldn't hire me because I don't have a car. Here's the kicker, for me to get the car I need to be working, for me to work that job I need to have the car. It's not a Catch-22. This is a catch-88 because they know what the hell they're saying. You know I need a job to get a car, just like I do. But you're telling me no to a job because of a luxury I can't afford to have. That's bullshit. 

Jobs are evil, the people who hire you nowadays are basically offsprings of satan. Like next to kin but they think they're gods. Just to live a comfortable life and hope to not end up homeless is ridiculous. It's hurtful actually. 

Get To Know U

You know, I get pissed when guys say, "I want to get to know." 

I'm not totally sure if you really want to get to know me or you just want to find out certain information about me just so you can figure out what suits you at the moment. I'm not saying all guys do this. But it seems like everytime I come in contact with a guy and he wants to "get to know me" he's doing it to see if I'm his dream girl or if he can mold me into something I'm definitely not. 

For me it feels like a fucking chore. Because I have to give you this autobiography on me so you can see how you feel or compare me to other hoes and then when it's all said and done you were listening to me in the first place and never cared enough to remember. So then I have to wonder were you asking me questions to get to know me better?? Or were you doing it just out of conversational purposes or you're comparing your options?? It's frustrates the shit out of me. 

That's why I give men the cold shoulder. I don't want to. But I'm tired of getting the same blockhead who just wants to play games or who's mentally fucked up and wasted my time being an asshole or too damn particular. 

The main ones who be fucking up are the same ones screaming not all men are the same. No dude you're the reason women don't fucking trust men with your bipolar ass decisions and wants. 

Stop it. It's definitely not cute. 

$10 Off Of $30!

Spencer's is having a promo where you get $10 off of orders over $30. How awesome is that?? Now go buy some awesome stuff!

Final Day HHGREGG Coupons

I rarely pay attention and I'm sorry kids. 

Anyway here's two coupons for you from HHGREGG. This is the last day to use them so have at it while you still can!

Feature Points

Do you love your smartphone??

If you said no reread the question. 

If you said yes—GREAT!!

Ok so I came across this last night. At first I'm like this is totally garbage and reminded me of swag bucks immediately. You bust your rump to collect points and then end up with virtual or cheap amusement park prizes. 

Then after I tried it, within an hour I earned 1000 points. The best part is this.....you can use the points you earn to buy other apps. Yeah you know those games you want but you're broke?? Or that new game everyone's talking about?? Now you can get it free of charge and just by using the points you've collected! 

But it gets even better...... Let's say you save up your points. Guess what?? You can get gift cards. Or even paypal money. How awesome is that?? You can get a amazon gift card or even a Starbucks gift card. Hell you can even get an iPad mini!! 

So what's so hard about downloading a free app, opening it for 2minutes and collecting anywhere from 50 to 300 points!? Plus you get points when you refer a friend! They get 50 points and so do you! 

Get Feature Points on iOS or Android to earn awesome rewards for trying free apps. Use http://featu.re/Z3CXGR for 50 bonus points.

Spencer's Private Party!

Got a coupon for you guys & dolls. 

Spencer's is having a one day only event! A private party where you can get $15 off (of orders over $40+)!! How awesome is that??? 

So go check it out! You might find something you always wanted or been holding out for a price reduction. And if you've never heard of Spencer's before I suggest you go check it out! You will wonder how you lived without it for so long lol. 

Cuz Ur Weht

I found this wildness on facebook and I can't help but crack it up any moment I watch it, 

so go check it out if you need a laugh or two lol

Post by George Armstrong.

TORRID DEAL!!

Ok this is for my Big Beautiful Ladies out there who has a passion for fashion and love a good deal!!

I got two coupons. A $30 off (of $75+ purchase) and a $50 off (of $125+ purchase). I put the online code on the cards so you know which one to use. 

But you've got to hurry this deal ends on June 29th 2014!!!

Happy Father's Day!!

I just wanted to wish all the good and great daddies out there a Happy Father's Day and I hope you guys are shown the love that you deserve and the appreciate that you work for every single day. Without Dads we wouldn't be here, and for those of us who have had the chance to have such a great male role model in our lives--be thankful. You'll never get another father and sometimes their wisdom may astound you one day.

I also would like to wish all the Mommies out there who's doing the damn thing and being both a mom and A DAD a very happy Father's day. Not everyone who's a single mother is a deadbeat. Some just ended up being one even if that wasn't part of the plan. But you all know me just like I wish the men a Happy Mother's Day, I wish the women a Happy Father's Day too. Keep up the good work!

For you dead beat sad ass men making more kids than you should and no window to throw out your stinking ass piss. You need to stop. Being a dad or a parent for that matter isn't a novolty, it's some accessory you can put on and remove at your will and convenience. Just because you help make a child doesn't mean you're a parent, that takes time, dedication and giving up oneself to someone else and give them the love and care they need; and teach them everything they need to know to survive and become the best people they can be.

But anyways, I still still wish everyone a Happy and wonderful Sunday and I hope you enjoy it with your families and embrace every single moment.

Here's a video to celebrate!

Post by BuzzFeed Video.

"It's Gonna Rain"

Between the Midsummer Breeze

The plié of the leaves

The darken clouds beckoning my undivided attention 

The strong sweet smell

That floods my mind with memories & replays 

My heart stricken with sympathy & remorseful 

Deviation of life; I smile majestically in that Sun

But I could be wrong—

Because my eyes are cloudy

When I reach my hand up to the sky

Begging for Answers

....for Forgiveness

But when I pull my hand back and place it on my dear heart

It always comes back....dry. 

We Love Dad's

Offer ends JUNE 15th!!!

Paradisiacal Lifestyle

I think as a human race when we take time out to actually condition ourselves to be positive or look at things in a positive light what we don't realize we're creating a false sense of security. 

We're making this paradisiacal fantasy of how we want it to be in a realistic format. But what's so damaging about this process is when we put so much confidence and expectation into it, naturally we're disappointed. However we don't know how to fully accept and embrace that disappointment and it makes bitter and angry and all around upset with the world—WHY?? Because it didn't pan out the way we planned it or manifest the way we wanted. 

That's why I think we have a hard time accepting failure and mistakes. That's why we say failure isn't an option, due to the selfishness of preassumed wants in life in a secured comfort zone built on desire.