Da Chicken's Idiot

Pain In The Ass

Shortest Horror Story

Misguided Desire

Lately I've been in this looped emotional roller coaster. Why exactly, I don't know. But what's weird about it is the fact that I keep flip flopping back and forth between what i want. That's it. It's crazy isn't it?? It's like one want is more important than the other want but they're both wants. It's like trying to stick to negative magnets together and hoping that they stick together or find a happy crooked medium. 

Lately, I've been pondering and thinking. I think it's mostly due to the fact that people are talking to me and telling me how I should feel about being single and how I should be coping with it by their standards of course and I'm over here like no. Don't tell me how I should feel or what I could or should be doing because that's how you think you'll react to my situation. You can't predetermine how you'll handle any situation for that matter. What's crazy is if you don't believe me just think of a situation you were in and how you had scenarios play in your head about how you should've handle it or what you could've said or whatever what if comes to mind. You can't even say well I'm going to handle it this way knowing damn well when the opportunity present itself most likely you won't. That's why I don't get people telling me that I'm lonely when I know I'm not. And when I voice that they basically try to force me to say in this admittance that I am lonely and I don't have a say to say otherwise. 

I think because of constantly hearing that lately it's got me feeling twisted. Like I have to question do I feel lonely?? Then I tell myself no, because I know I don't. Then I realize it's not so much of being lonely it's just lack of interaction. Which then led me to wanting my own family. 

Yeah. I want a family. But I don't want the husbands and kids because I want to stay single and be childfree. So I'm like between two wants and I don't know how to arrive at a happy medium between the two and what's funny is the fact that it's been weighing heavily on my brain for the last few weeks. Then I wondered if it was because I missed my parents?? No, I miss them, but not that much to slip into a depressive state. Then I think, I have my two kittens and fish right?? Whom I gladly call my kids and treat like my family. But it feels like my little family is lacking something. Or missing something. There's love and laughter and good and bad times but it's still missing something I can't see. It's like seen sunshine all over but the sun is hidden behind clouds.....and there's no overcast you know?? That's what it's like to me.

But the thought or joking up with a guy just doesn't interest me anymore. I tried but I don't like being led on and then dropped because I was never considered more than a temporary fixation in the first place. I was deemed a novelty and as soon as something better comes along, that's it for me. No ifs, ands or buts about it. 

Having a baby is out of the question. Men are assholes, donors cost too much money, and foster parent and adoption is unlikely because I need all this nonsense just to basically babysit someone else's child for a while or long time. Mostly you're getting a kid who's already acclimated to their parent and you're never going to be treated as parent. And the only way to get that is to get a newborn but mom's giving up newborns only want couples (or in stranger cases men) to raise their baby. It's like an un-winnable war. 

So then I'm like so I need another cat?? I'm like no. The whole introduction phase is way too much for me and adopting two more cats would be too expensive but I don't want the little kitten to be lonely or without a playmate or be third wheeled by the two I already got. 

Then it's like I dismiss it and I go back to me being cool with being single and super happy about it. But don't let me get a few moments to myself where thoughts can wander in and I'm back in the cycle all over again trying to decipher what it is that I truly want and I get confused all over again. 

Or maybe this is just apart of my journey as I live my life out by myself. I may have given up on men, but I just might meet a nice girl to have some sort of relationship with. But then again I may not even do that you know?? I know for sure I won't be meeting a nice guy anytime soon who's actually genuinely interested in me and even the thought of it is no longer a fairy tale like dream and more of a chore like why am I thinking this knowing damn well this won't happen?? And since I refuse to have kids after I turn 30 (which is almost 2 and half years away) theres no point really. I doubt men will mature in less than two years too lol. 

I think I need a new hobby or something that holds my interest enough to not let others sway my thoughts and I can enjoy the way my life is so far. And continue to enjoy it until it's my time to go too you know. 

Hopefully these unwarranted wants will go away, I just have to try my best to be as patient as I can be. 

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Ringtones

Hi kids!!

I know it's been a long time since i last posted something from the heart, soul and twisted mind of mine lol. But this will be quick.

So i've been noticing lately that it seems like there are tons of iPhone owners. Which I'm all like to each their own because we all have out preferences when it comes to stuff right?? But what's really weird about it all is the fact that we all seem to have that same iphone ringtone xylophone. Why?? There are more than enough to choose from but it seems like we all pick that one. It's been years since I came across something so crazy like this. I always wanted my own ringtone so I could identify my phone and wouldn't in a crowd of thousands trying to find out if that's my phone ringing or not. But how does one buy a phone that's costs a small fortune and they never consider buying a ringtone to set themselves differently from the rest?? It's like watching tons of penguins jumping off a cliff only because they too lazy to go down the trail to get to the bottom. I can understand if there was no other way or money was tight but if you got an otterbox case or something fancy and all those extras why don't you have a ringtone to identify your phone from everyone else's?? It's like dressing up and being flawless flashy and still be considered robotic either way. That's depressing.

Me personally I'm mad that I can't have my own ringtone and since I'm on the poor side buying one to make myself happy isn't an option. Plus my ringtones I do have are on my old computer which refuses to stay on for more than 5minutes. Drives me bonkers!!

Or maybe people do it to have a better connection with their fellow human being.....but whatever the reason it is, I think it's better to keep the phone on vibrate lol

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Never Trust These People

Window Shopped Bitterness

You ever felt a broken heart??

Trust me it's not a good feeling. Honestly I don't like feeling it either, least I can say I know what it's like. After this last time I'm through—I just can't deal.

I don't like when people window shop my feelings. You know what you can afford, what you need and what you want. If I don't fall within those categories, why are you acting like I have to go throuh the moments and deal with your bullshit?? Like window shopping is suppose to be ok. It's one thing trying to find out what you like in a person and what interests you all may have or even to later have a better judgement of people and what you need. But after a certain age you need to realize that it's time to get your priorities straight and what you want and need in your life. 

That's like going to the grocery store, going straight to the ice cream section grabbing a gallon of ice cream. Then going shopping around the whole store for 3 hours. By the 4th hour you're ready to check out and you put everything in your cart on the belt except for the ice cream and then you ask the cashier for a subtotal before you add on the ice cream and then she tells you it's $100. You tell her to add the ice cream and then give you another subtotal which is now $104 but you tell her you only have $100 and you don't what the ice cream and to void it off and check out happily. However what the fuck is suppose to be done with the ice cream now?? It's melted, soupy and gross. Putting it back into the freezer will not make it go back to the solidfied state it was in when you first picked it up and now it's just a mess. But the worst part about it is, they do stick it back into the freezer and expect it to be the same. Now everytime someone picks up that ice cream not only do they want to return it and not deal with it, it become this back and forth item that goes from cold to heat and remains in this useless state. 

That's what men do. The pick a woman, lead her on tells her shit that he thinks she'll react positively too, make promises, attempt for sex with her and in either case when he's done window shopping her he puts her back on the shelf and walks away with this unchanged and nonchalant attitude of how he isn't bothered or unhappy. Yet he left that woman scarred and feeling disenchanted. What's the worst part is that's how a bittter woman is born. But no one blames the man or says the man is the cause of her bitterness It's her fault for expecting something that wasn't there. How the fuck am I suppose to know he's not interested when he's telling me and acting like he's interested??? That's contradictory as fuck. Honestly it pisses me off.

Don't treat me like some common whore and go above and beyond in your act to get my attention when you're not fully interested in the first place. But the last time I checked I wasn't a mind reader, so I don't know what the fuck it is that you want or need if you don't express that to me.

After this last time, with the last few men I've talked to I'm just not interested. I'm tired of being window shopped or told I'm not good enough or what they want but they still feel a need to "test drive me"  if you're looking to make it work with me I'm not interested. I'm disgusted not so much with the last guy whom I found out deleted me off his facebook wih no rhyme or reason (and that's perfectly ok) but it's the fact I decided to give you a chance and you saying it could and would work between us and ending to somehow being my fault. That got me disgusted with myself, because here I am already hurt and broken and used and I decided to give hima chance and open up and change my routine. I still got burnt in the end. I'm like why did I waste 4 months with you and on you to still end up hurt in the end or told some petty ass excuse about why we can't be together. Whoa whoa, who put that thought in my head in the first place?? Who was talking about relationships and shit....you. Not me. But it's like men don't own up to doing that, they feel better about themselves I guess if they blame other people. But when they do that they'll always be miserible and won't know how to cope with the world today. But I guess that doesn't matter either because everyone doesn't genuinely care about shit anymore.

But all I know is that i refused to be window shopped. My heart will remain closed until people genuinely want to come into my life and make a difference and they have to want to stay and if not then you will be esscorted out because I refuse to put up with the emotional bullshit. 

I rather be single, lonely and slightly bitter woman who despised men. Then to continuously let men come into my life who have no interest in staying with me in the first place. I'm a detour until you get on the road you want. I'm not going to be window shopped until the skank you want goes on sale. I refuse to participate. I also know I won't be so unhappy over someone else miserableness. 

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Solitary Confinement

I think people who don't like being single got it all fucked up. If you can't enjoy your own company then wtf you fin to do with someone else?? Honestly—

This girl enjoys being single. No I don't wanna talk about relationships or kids or families. Or where the hottest spot is to turn up at. None of that. Let's talk about the weather or porn or whatever. Like who cares. Let's enjoy the moment and not talk about something that isn't a majority in everyone's lives. Just like we all don't own a car or a house. Be considerate and not make that your topic. 

Like I am so tired of hearing single people whine and complain and the only thing they've got to talk about is their kids. Like how boring are you?? Then the singletons without kids are always talking about going out and traveling or throwing away money on silly shit and they're equally as boring because I'm like how many times do you visit the same club with the same people to see the same people you've been seeing all year long?? Why do you need alcohol and a crowd to be fun??? That's pretty sad. 

I mean yeah sometimes it sucks to come home to an empty house and have no one to hang out with. But in this last year living on my own not only am I contented with living by myself. I actually enjoy it. I don't have to be responsible for someone else, I can do what I want, when I want and how I want and that's if I feel like it lol. 

But I also know I'm interested in a relationship nor do I want to be commited to someone who's using me as a detour until they find someone better. I'm not temporary material and if I can't be permanent material then I don't have a need for a relationship do I?? I need someone who's going to treat me less than a human and disrespect me on top of that. 

This rabbit is cool. And quite contented as a cat lady too (sometimes) lol. 

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Hey ladies and dolls!!

Got a $50 off and $30 off coupons for you. They expire on August 17, 2014 so hurry while you can!!!

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Torrid Coupons!!

I didn't even know I had these. 

Sorry for the short notice, hopefully some of you lucky ladies can use them. 

They expire July 27th!!

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$3 AMC Popcorn Coupon

Hey kids!!

Got a coupon for you. If you're going to the movies this weekend you can get a large popcorn for $3. 

Use the QR code below or click this link: http://bit.ly/1ntsui7 to redeem. 

This offer expires July 31, 2014!!

Sexy Novelty Soaps

We all have that one thing that's our favorite item no matter what it is. For me it's dildos, panties and neckties lol. For others it can be stamps, coins, antiques, ceramic items and so on and so forth. Well every so often I'm a soap enthuisiast. Why?? I don't know, soap fascinates me to a weird level. I love the cute soaps in different shapes, even Hotel soap rocks my socks. My mama use to collect them as "decorations" and she had like 4 jars filled with seashell and heart shaped soaps. I liked them but thought it was crazy to keep dusty soap in a jar too, but that's me lol.


Anyway, today while I was browsing my newsfeed, a friend of mine posted this video of this woman using this soap to wash her hands, here it is:






AWESOME STUFF RIGHT?!! Well you know me. I want to know where I can get one and how and where and all that other goodness. So I started my research.


I found a seller on Etsy who makes them and will even personally customize it to your liking! She even does, vagina shaped soaps too! Check out SlickeryBlends here. The next place I found is called FUN Parties INC. they have tons of naughty goods including penis and vagina shaped soaps, candles and even a male blow up dolls. Definitely check them out.

However even though these were awesome choices, what if you wanted the soap to look like the one in the video?? What if I want a lavender cock??? Well they have soap clone a willy do-it-yourself kits! How awesome is that?? This kit is sold by A.O. Adult Store is really cool, gives you the soap and everything you need to have an eye catching novelty soap. The best part is that you can mold any cock....imagine all the possibilities! Hell there's even an how-to video too!! Go check it out. There's also a seller on eBay who sells them in colors!! Dammit if I don't want (more like NEED) the blue one!! You can check those ones out here.

The best part is that I want to have these in my house in the bathroom with a little sign that says, wash your hands please, cocks and pussy provided for you lol.


But then I found something even better, the boob soap dispenser. Whoever comes up with these things are pure genius!! I definitely want to grab two tits (that aren't mine) while taking a shower! It's like adult bath time fun!! Amazon sells the awesome shower tits, for those of you interested. The best part they even had a shower penis soap dispenser too!! Unfortunately the store that originally sold, doesn't sell it anymore and I had go on another search until I found it and I did! How cool is this thing??  My shower would be the most fun place ever to be created on Earth--or at least I think it would lol.

The Great Wall Of Vagina

So I came across this awesome phenomenon a few weeks ago on Facebook and knew this would be something I talked about with you all.


Honestly, I want to see the great wall of vagina because it's absolutely awesome to see all the different types of pussies (catch that pun? lol). Go watch the video below:

Post by Master Beyts.

Now unlike the last post dedicated to the vagina which was purely done for entertainment. I actually fell in love with this particular one only because it shows over 400 types of vaginas. Why does that excite me you ask?? I'll tell you. It's exciting because as a woman they show this one perfect pussy and tell you that basically if your shit doesn't look like this pussy you're doomed and how dare you for having an ugly pussy. It's already hard enough having a dude look at it and tell you how ugly it is, let alone having society tell you how a pussy should look.

Like fuck out of here! You can't change the way your body looks, you get what you're given. You can fine tune it (unless you got the money to do upgrade it to premium membership status) but that's about it. But no girl should have to wonder if she has a "good looking" pussy or not. They're all beautiful dammit and if someone says otherwise they've probably never seen their shit before or took time out to check it out. Hell ladies go grab a mirror now and check out your cooter. I'll wait.

Done?? Great!! Here's some food for thought, your vagina is awesome, by far the awesomenest thing I have yet to see and who gives a damn?? We are women, our vaginas are not suppose to look like this photoshopped 9 year old crotch. It goes through a lot of shit, including aging and maturing so yeah there's a low chance that there are doppelganger vaginas out here and if there are please show them to me. But this guy, Jamie McCartney shows you all the different REAL vaginas and lets you know that they're all good enough and so frigging awesome to the point we can hang this beautiful body part on the walls. I totally agree with him. We already grow into puberty awkwardly and harshly and can't decipher what's beautiful between the media and the society rulings on how we should be this perfect utopia of beings. It's not possible, and no one should be made to feel bad about their body image in any way or form.

Your body is a beautiful thing and always will be as long as you take good care of it. No you don't need to look like a super model or movie starlet to be beautiful. If you feel it in your heart an d you're happy with who you are as an individual then there's nothing to worry about. If someone judges base on how "imperfect" you pussy or even the cock looks, tell them to go kick rocks because it's like get the fuck over yourself shithead. No one is paying thousands to have plastic surgery done to get a better looking crotch. That's asinine.

So Ladies, love what's in between your legs. It's the most beautiful thing ever. Even if you think it looks very unattractive....Bunny's here to tell you it's the bees-knees! Guys, there isn't a perfect pussy, if you can't get with it, then you need to examine the nonsense in between your legs ok?! Love the pussy, just don't treat it like a sex toy, treat it like a work of art that can never be replaced or replicated.

$25 AirBnB Credit

Hi Kids!!


So this is for my wonderful people who are travelers and for the ones who are already signed up with AirBnB. Anybody can use this and if you aren't already registered, just sign up it doesn't cost anything and it might be of some help for you later on—you never know!



Anyway if you've never heard of AirBnB it's basically a website that has listings that people put up of rooms or even sofas they have for rent it's like a bed and breakfast but not as expensive or competitive like hotels and motels. Plus you might be able to find a place closer to where you want to be than where the hotel is located.

Now if you'd like to get $25 credit for your next stay or hold on to it when you need to (because this doesn't expire) I'll personally give you my link and you can claim your credit. I don't plan on traveling and this is more for your benefit than is mine. So I hope it helps either way :) and definitely share it with your friends or college kids who need a place to crash before school opens up or maybe a cross country traveler who needs a break until they find a new gig. Sharing is caring!

Click Here to claim your $25 credit

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Olive Garden $5 Off Coupon

So Olive Garden just got into Online ordering and to kick it off to a good start they're sharing a $5 off any order $30 or more!!

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Relationships Are For The Birdz

....Literally.

Within the last week I've had two guys tell me I need to be in a relationship. 

Honestly any other time I would dismiss it because it's just talk, conversation you know?? But this time I got pissed. Because it was more of an insult and I didn't realize it until now. I'm not single by my choosing. I'm single by choice but not my choice. 

I've had plenty of guys approach me but majority of them want to fuck while the rest just want a temporary fix until they get their home life together with their woman or find a new woman who's suitable. I'm basically a substitute. I'm good enough for small talk and cheap terrible sex but I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with. Then why the fuck talk to me at all when you've already predetermined I'm not good enough from the get go. That really grinds my gears. 

At the current point in my life, I'm tired. I'm honestly fed up. It's not about giving up because I gave up years ago. But I kept trying because I thought that one day I'd run into a guy who would be bat-shit crazy over me. But that never happened. I just keep getting led on and played and it's to the point in emotionless to it. Men disgust me and creep me the fuck out. I'm over it. But what I hate the most is the fact that out society demands you be in a relationship. You're not sane, or weird or queer or an adult until you're in a relationship. But how the fuck you going to tell me I need to be in a relationship when you're raising men to think they don't need women and women are only good for sexual purposes only?? So in other words it's my fault I'm single because no guy has had the decency to ask me to be his girlfriend. Oh yes that makes perfect sense. 

I'm so emotionally fucked up that I would have to force myself to fake like I like that person. Because otherwise I don't see a need in having a dude in my life. If I have to do everything by myself ANYWAY why do I need someone in the background yapping their mouth or telling me what I need or what I'm suppose to do?? The only thing a relationship can do for me right now is keep me financially stable. It'll prevent me from being homeless and keep my utilities on and make sure that my taxes are paid because I'm hoping he has a job. That's the only thing. Since that's hard to come by and damn near impossible here where I live. I'm pretty much stuck on my single train doing shit my damn self. 

What's sad I reconsidered my option of staying single. But when dude stomped on my feelings and told me because I had previous sexual partners and I would fuck up his relationship with daughter. I was too through. Don't tell me you like me and want to date me and then say some outlandish shit like that. Women aren't the worst. Men give mixed signals and expect you to figure that shit out like its a 1+1 problem. Dude you just said you like cake, will eat all kinds of cake but I bring you cake and you tell me no you like pie—what type of bipolar shit is that?! 

If your single and never dated. Don't. It's better if you don't. With the way people think nowadays you don't know if someone's a friend, a lover or just using you until they find something better. Just spare yourselves the heartache and learn to cope on your own. You can never doubt or wonder how you feel about yourself. Fuck relationships, stay single. 

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Spencer's is have a choice sale for this wicked weekend!! 

But you can only choose one!! 

Which will you choose???

Candied Nose Rings

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No, No Not At All—

I wake up every morning with the hope that today will be my breakthrough. 

Then I go to bed every night disappointed and a step back from where I started. 

Even in between with my faith and hope on a unstable tree limb; getting closer to my goal of contented happiness is more of a fantasy than a reality. 

Don't say I'm negative or frustrated and hope for the best when my world is falling apart underneath me and nothing I do, say or use can hold it together. 

I wake up every morning with a splitting headache; go to bed at night with pains in my chest. 

I'm crying out for help, and I'm being told:

Give it your best

Just endure this test

Don't settle for less

Or just simply told, ..... Give it a rest. 

How am I to focus on the future where the writings on the wall telling me it's unpleasant. 

My only choices are to trip or to fall—either way my body's going to end up on the concrete, sprawled & motionless

In the end, it wasn't really worth it now was it?

No, no not at all—

The Corner Of Lilith Rosetta

Lily: *imma sneak in the closet, she can't see me #stealthmode* 

Bunny: Lilith! 

Lily: *how she see me? I'mma distract her...* mew *#stealthmode yo!* 

Bunny: LILITH! NO!

Lily: *dammit...* MEW!

Bunny: I said NO! 

Lily: *bitch got me fucked up, I'm bout dat life, wit her human ass* 

Bunny: I SAID NO! T_T 

Lily: NOOOO-uh! *im leavin anyway, fuck yo bedroom rules* 

Bunny: BIT—I don't like you Lily (  >~<)

Lily: *kiss my furry ass* T_T 

Let's Talk About Death

Guy: Hi I'm calling from homewood Cemetary. Can I speak to Ramsey?

Bunny: Depends on which one you're looking for

Guy: Amelia (suppose to be Armella)

Bunny: Armella's dead. 

Guy: Oh! Well....um.....err....is Mr. Ramsey available?

Bunny: No, he's dead also. 

Guy: oh.... Um well we try to prevent this and uh yeah our system isn't updated regularly and so, yeah. Um are you by chance interested in having a space with us??

Bunny: No. 

Guy: oh, well ok I'll update the list and take your number off our list. 

Bunny: Ok dude. 

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Looking For Tony & Antoinette

Ok so I'm watching Iron Man for the first time and the most breathtaking moment just happen. 

If you haven't seen it I'm sorry. 

But anyway. Obadiah is trying to rebuild the iron man suit and one of the scientist tells him it's impossible. And here's what's happen quote for quote:

Obadiah Stane: [shouting] Tony Stark was able to build this in a cave! With a box of scraps!

William Ginter Riva: Well, I'm sorry. I'm not Tony Stark.

It blew me away!! Why?? Because it reminds me of all the employers and people that just demand us to do shit that only one person can do or already has done and it's not meant to be replicated. 

Like so many of my prospective employers who are expecting me to be Antoinette Stark of the world (and I'm sorry Antoinette if you're real, I just sort of pulled that out of my ass. I hope you forgive me and now consider yourself famous :D). But I'm not Antoinette, in fact I'm LeSans and if you can't accept that them you need to go blow jelly beans out of your ass because that's beyond unfair, you're just being inconsiderate as hell.  

Patriotic Nail Art

I wanted to post this on Memorial Day because a design I did last year for Memorial's you all never got the chance to see. But since I ran into a few snafus, I thought about forgoing it but I changed my mind knowing that 4th of July and Labor Day is coming up soon.





BOMB Pop Nail Art



I don't know if you love frozen treats and sweets like I do but as a kid I always loved the Bomb Pops. It's this patriotic colored popsicle that has flavors of cherry, lemon and blue raspberry. Unfortunately the lemon was replaced with lime and that kind of ruins it.

Anyway I used Essie's No Place Like Chrome and Sally Hansen's sugar coated textured nail polishes Sugar Fix (white), Cherry Drop (red), Razzle-berry (blue) [you can see more of those here]. And Seche Vite as a top coat for the chrome.












Fireworks!


Now honestly I can't remember what nail polished I used for this. But I'm sure it was either Essie, China Glaze or Sally Hansen unless I found an awesome color by Wet n Wild, Pure Ice or Sinful Colors. But I think any color blue, red or white will do with design. I used nail art stripers to make the firework. Simple and easy and still just as festive.












Star Bangled Flags




Now I know I used Essie's No Place Like Chrome, Blanc, Aruba Blue and Jag-U-Are (red) for this one. To make the stars on the flags I used a nail art striper and just dotted. I actually enjoyed doing this one a lot. I was sort of disappointed in myself for not posting it two years ago lol. But we finally did. To do the flag stripes I actually painted my nails white and then used striping tape and then painted the red over the white and let it dry before removing the tape. Then I believed I used tape to make the squared blue, as for the semi-circle or half moon blue I used french tip guide tape. Now for the pointer and ring fingers I used french guiding tape for that called teardrop. I got that idea actually from a nail art I had seen that was like an opening zipper. I painted the silver chrome on first and then painted either the red or blue on.

Well I hope you enjoyed these nail arts and I also hope you guys and dolls have a great, safe and fun Fourth of July!!

"HER"

I dunno if it's the curve of her back

That takes me aback?

Or could it be the love that I lack?

Her eyes are focused sharp like a tack. 

Her lips whisper, "As a matter of fact..."

Her voice sounding like the purr of a cat. 

What was said I can't remember exactly

Tokyo Otaku Mode Coupon

Got a $5 coupon for my fellow Otakus!!

Go check out the store at T.O.M. And use this Coupon Code: otaqcooljp

This coupon expires July 10th!! 

Filtered Heartache

Even though in my current situation I'm trying to make things work and find a job or at least find some ways of making money so I can at least take care of myself and the kittens. But it's been very hard. 

There are many times I've doubted myself, many times I wanted to kick myself for something I've done or something I should've/could've/would've done. In the end I keep telling myself, keep reminding myself that through all this pain, through this unbearable struggle—have faith that it'll work out. I'm beyond frustrated. I'm broke. With the little but I do have I have to wonder should I save it for bills?? 

But I think the worst part of it all is trying to explain to my kids that we don't have. They're cats, they understand very little. But to tell them no you can't eat so fast, no you can't drink so much is hard. It's actually heartbreaking to say the least. I worry about them more than anything else. I want us to stay together and still be a family. I want them to be able to have food and the necessities they need. But I'm doubting myself as to if I can really do this. I'm deciding what's more important cat food or cat litter?? How can I afford both?? Then I even have to wonder, should I send my kids to the shelter? Or maybe give them to a family or families that can afford them?? Even though I know that's the best thing for them probably. I always say no…only because I know they wouldn't be happy. 

Then I try to ration out their food so we can save and have enough. 

Honestly I hadn't planned on filling up their bowl. But the look on the faces and the gentle strokes on my knees made me cave and fill their bowl. Of course they were happy. But I felt indifferent. Only because I have to ration and make one bag last for months instead of weeks. But then I felt so awful denying them food, even as I write this I feel like curling up into a ball and crying about it. Because I see myself as being a horrible person. I can't take care of myself, I have to deny my cats food to save money and I'm falling apart as life goes on. 

I sit here and think I have no right owning them. Even rationing myself to one meal a day is hard. Doing that to them is even harder. But then I think, what else is there I can do?? 

My luck in finding a job is shitty, I have little to no help or support and I'm basically stuck. 

It breaks my heart I have to treat my kids so bad because we don't have. And honestly.…I don't think things will get much better. 

This time I'm falling apart from the inside out.

Did Someone Say Patriotic Roses??

Bouqs is having a sale!! You get two patriotic bouquets (red, white and blue roses) for the price of one when you use the code: SUMMER2FOR1

AMC Combo Coupon

AMC: Get $6 off a Combo #1 and share it with your favorite Autobot! Get it with this coupon thru 7/3: http://bit.ly/Tu2uay

Petco 20% Off

Get 20% off your entire purchase by using the code: FRIENDS 

This ends June 28!! 

神様おねがい | Kamisama Onegai

A Rainbow Bouq

Honestly this is by far the most beautifulest thing I have seen in a long time. Mostly I'm not into flowers or bouquets. But I don't know this one rubbed me the right way made me wish I had someone to buy this for me that I can shower with "thank you's" and kisses. Sounds super girly Shoujo I know lol. 

Anyway kids. It's pride month, go buy your love some beautiful roses. 

Plus if you sign up, you'll get an extra 15% off your order!!

Coupons For Me Fellow Pet Lovers!

Hey kids got two awesome deals for you! 

They're only good for today so act now why you still can!

PetSmart is offering FREE SHIPPING and 20% off of orders $60+!! 

Petco is offering a free $5 e-card plus FREE SHIPPING on orders $25+

Jobs, Yo—

What fucks me up the most about searching to employment is the fact that job postings lie. Whether it's the catchy title or the intriguing summary. It's a lie. 

Now this job's summary said: no experience is required, entry level, we train you, apply now for immediate consideration. 

So I clicked on it. 

After reading a short essay on how awesome this job was here's what's needed for the job. Before I get to that, I've notice a lot of jobs want your attention and they throw out like 5-6 paragraphs about their company and it's mostly one or two paragraphs stretched out to hold your attention. Because at some point they should know if someone is desperate for jobs, you're looking for the apply button hoping that this will be the chance you need. But what's funny they post their little picky ass wants in the middle or at the end. So as you're looking for the apply button. You've missed the key part about this. But you didn't know and won't find out until they send you a rejection email. And you have to go back to the posting like what the fuck did I just miss?? (Think of Eddie Murphy on James Brown from DELIRIOUS) Then you know what you missed and you're wondering why the fuck did you say you're looking for any kind of "dog" but then say you only take specific breeds like "German Shepards, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Boston Terriers, and Poodles" what the hell is that???

Anyway. Back to this job. After I skimmed through the company history, here's what I found:

Previous medical or pharmaceutical sales experience is not required for these positions as our clients and affiliates are generally looking for candidates with the following qualifications: 
•Bachelor's degree or higher
•Clean driving record- no more than two minors in five years, no DUIs
•Currently in outside, business-to-business sales
•History of job stability- no more than two jobs in five years and preferably within the same industry
•History of sales success or leadership experience if a recent college grad

Now the job title or summary did not mention any of that. However if I didn't skim through it, I would've applied, and ended up with a rejection email sometime this week. 

For so many people who are unemployed and struggling, to tell them that they can get a job is wonderful news. But then say you refuse to hire them because they're not what you're looking for or how you want this premadonna candidate is crazy. Barbie don't come with her house, wardrobe or friends. You gotta go buy that shit. So either accept Barbie with her two outfits and shoes to match. Or dream of having someone else's Barbie who has the house, the clothes, the pink ass car and the side bitches to tote. Guess what genius, you can have the same thing too if you weren't so fucking particular and have people a chance. Not everyone who's unemployed is a bum or loser. Just like not all single women are going to come into work drunk and flirt with all the men. 

These employers are crazy! And I get mad when people tell me just go apply and you'll get something because you're doing this for you. No I'm not. I've applied to over 500 jobs in a month. I got 10 maybe 15 interviews. No job. Why because I'm not the candidate they're looking for. I haven't worked steady in the last 5 years, I don't have a degree, I don't have experience, I don't have references, I don't have this and I don't have that. The other day guy told me he wouldn't hire me because I don't have a car. Here's the kicker, for me to get the car I need to be working, for me to work that job I need to have the car. It's not a Catch-22. This is a catch-88 because they know what the hell they're saying. You know I need a job to get a car, just like I do. But you're telling me no to a job because of a luxury I can't afford to have. That's bullshit. 

Jobs are evil, the people who hire you nowadays are basically offsprings of satan. Like next to kin but they think they're gods. Just to live a comfortable life and hope to not end up homeless is ridiculous. It's hurtful actually. 

Get To Know U

You know, I get pissed when guys say, "I want to get to know." 

I'm not totally sure if you really want to get to know me or you just want to find out certain information about me just so you can figure out what suits you at the moment. I'm not saying all guys do this. But it seems like everytime I come in contact with a guy and he wants to "get to know me" he's doing it to see if I'm his dream girl or if he can mold me into something I'm definitely not. 

For me it feels like a fucking chore. Because I have to give you this autobiography on me so you can see how you feel or compare me to other hoes and then when it's all said and done you were listening to me in the first place and never cared enough to remember. So then I have to wonder were you asking me questions to get to know me better?? Or were you doing it just out of conversational purposes or you're comparing your options?? It's frustrates the shit out of me. 

That's why I give men the cold shoulder. I don't want to. But I'm tired of getting the same blockhead who just wants to play games or who's mentally fucked up and wasted my time being an asshole or too damn particular. 

The main ones who be fucking up are the same ones screaming not all men are the same. No dude you're the reason women don't fucking trust men with your bipolar ass decisions and wants. 

Stop it. It's definitely not cute. 

$10 Off Of $30!

Spencer's is having a promo where you get $10 off of orders over $30. How awesome is that?? Now go buy some awesome stuff!

Final Day HHGREGG Coupons

I rarely pay attention and I'm sorry kids. 

Anyway here's two coupons for you from HHGREGG. This is the last day to use them so have at it while you still can!

Feature Points

Do you love your smartphone??

If you said no reread the question. 

If you said yes—GREAT!!

Ok so I came across this last night. At first I'm like this is totally garbage and reminded me of swag bucks immediately. You bust your rump to collect points and then end up with virtual or cheap amusement park prizes. 

Then after I tried it, within an hour I earned 1000 points. The best part is this.....you can use the points you earn to buy other apps. Yeah you know those games you want but you're broke?? Or that new game everyone's talking about?? Now you can get it free of charge and just by using the points you've collected! 

But it gets even better...... Let's say you save up your points. Guess what?? You can get gift cards. Or even paypal money. How awesome is that?? You can get a amazon gift card or even a Starbucks gift card. Hell you can even get an iPad mini!! 

So what's so hard about downloading a free app, opening it for 2minutes and collecting anywhere from 50 to 300 points!? Plus you get points when you refer a friend! They get 50 points and so do you! 

Get Feature Points on iOS or Android to earn awesome rewards for trying free apps. Use http://featu.re/Z3CXGR for 50 bonus points.

Spencer's Private Party!

Got a coupon for you guys & dolls. 

Spencer's is having a one day only event! A private party where you can get $15 off (of orders over $40+)!! How awesome is that??? 

So go check it out! You might find something you always wanted or been holding out for a price reduction. And if you've never heard of Spencer's before I suggest you go check it out! You will wonder how you lived without it for so long lol. 

Cuz Ur Weht

I found this wildness on facebook and I can't help but crack it up any moment I watch it, 

so go check it out if you need a laugh or two lol

Post by George Armstrong.

TORRID DEAL!!

Ok this is for my Big Beautiful Ladies out there who has a passion for fashion and love a good deal!!

I got two coupons. A $30 off (of $75+ purchase) and a $50 off (of $125+ purchase). I put the online code on the cards so you know which one to use. 

But you've got to hurry this deal ends on June 29th 2014!!!