2013

I can't believe it's the last day of the year. Most people are rejoicing and excited for the new year. Others are reflecting and looking forward to accomplishing more goals and completing resolutions.

But for me, I personally wish I could do the year over again. In all that's happen there is so many things that have happen that I want to do over or if that's not an option at least do things or handle situations a bit differently. I don't mean that I regret what's happen in this year. I just wish I could change things and maybe do things a little better. 

I'm not saying I expect a world of wonders or to change so much that it turns out differently. I just want it to turn out for the better not just for me but for those around me. However if things hadn't happened the way they did, then it wouldn't be the same. We all wouldn't be where we're at now. For some, it gave them the opportunity to be something they meet were or never considered. In some sense it makes it all worth it. 

But with the new year coming, I don't feel as excited or happy to rejoice it. I feel indifferent and in some parts of my heart I don't want to see it. Knowing it won't be bright or exciting. This time I'm not going to say it'll be different or how much I plan on changing. Especially since I spent the last 5 months changing into someone I never expected to be, but was aware I had to become some day. Unfortunately I just wasn't prepared for it. But on the same token are we ever prepared for what life does?? We can think and fool ourselves into believing we are, but I doubt that any of is ever are ready for the experiences Life throws at us. 

So for the new year I hope it's wonderful, beautiful and joyous for everyone. For me I just hope that I can continue to survive without falling any deeper than I already am. But I think it'll be alright. I got my two kittens and fish and I think we'll be alright. 

So from my little family to all of yours I wish you a Very Happy New Year and many blessings. 

Kwanzaa | Kuumba

"Creativity"

To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.

I think with this principle it's not so much being inclined creatively, but being creative enough to project that unto the world around you to create something beautiful and spectacular.

I think if we learn out to embrace our creative side and help, encourage or even be supportive for someone else we can not only start a new movement but be the start of something that is so wonderful and that would be beneficial for future generations.

The other part I like so much about this is not that it involves creativity. However it speaks that if we change our environment we change ourselves for the better. I personally believe that. If you show the younger generation that there's more to life than technology and pettiness it can open a vast field of options. Like my community majority of us are black, failures, little to none are college educated, most are drug dealers, baby mamas or just shiftless people. However our community has little to no businesses, it's poor, run down and educationally wise it's terrible. Because of that it reflects in the people and the lives they lead. Which is sad. With this principle I think if we all took time out to re-evaluate our well being and consider what harm we're doing now will affect future generations. We can possibly turn the current state of all of our lives into something better. Hopefully over time it can be something great.

Kwanzaa | Nia

"Purpose"

To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness. 

Since there isn't a post from last year due to my getting sick, we can talk about this openly without comparison.

Now I understand the principle's definiton, however I don't agree with it. Sometimes you can restore someone to a previous character or personalty, let alone turning them into some "greatness" from long ago. I personally think it's impossible. Do-able but quite difficult and challenging. There's nothing wrong in lending a helping hand to help those around us, like the previous post Ujima; we can work together to create something even more spectacular. Which is true and quite possible. However we all know you can't assist or help someone who doesn't want to be helped or bothered really.

Makes me think back to a friend who I wanted and did help, but she was so fixated on her then boyfriend and father of her children that what I was trying to do (which was to make her a better person) was a problem and she felt he would be there for her more than I would. Ha. Well guess what?? He dumped her ass took the kids and now she want's to be my best friend again and I'm like no. You know what you did was messed up, and I can't trust you. I'm not about to go through the same crap with her a third time. I rather be friendless and alone than mistreated for being a loyal friend. But this is where Nia makes so much sense....Everything in this world has a purpose. Good, bad or indifferent—it has a purpose. Whether it's a mistake, a lesson or a repeat so you find out what's going on. The purpose is there and you just have to come to an understand of what that purpose is all about.

Now one purpose in Life is quite bewildering. That's our purpose for being on this earth. Some of us know or find out early on. Others find out along the way and then there are those like me still finding themselves and no where near knowing what their purpose is or even in doubt if they truly have a purpose. It doesn't makes us strange or a late bloomer or more sophisticated than the other. We all develop in our own way and at our own pace of time. That's the purpose of growth, to experience as much as we can to be molded into the human being we were meant to be or to get one step closer to finding out who we are meant to be. That's what makes purpose so intriguing. The journey of it, and all that comes with it.

Kwanzaa | Ujamaa

"Cooperative Economics"

To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.

Last Year, was pretty good discussion. Honestly I can still say that I still believe that if we learn to support one another and build a good relationship not only will the economy prosper but it can grow into something even greater and then assist the communities and their people at becoming better individuals.

Unfortunately, the American economy still sucks and after the president got re-elected, it hasn't been right since. It seems that most people are just fronting for one another. He started this healthcare apocalypse that not only prevents many people from getting health care but creates a bigger issue in the future. But what can you do when you have many opinions and not a one all agreeing on how to improve the country's well being and create something great for future generations.

However, one day hope will arrive and things will change and may be then we can learn to invest our time and good will in one another and not only learn to profit but to build a beautiful path to success via determination.

Kwanzaa | Ujima

"Collective Work & Responsibility"

To build and maintain our community together and make our brother's and sister's problems our problems and to solve them together.

Last year, it was another selfish rant than actually talking about the true definition of  Ujima. Like the Kujichagulia post, I was partially on topic and then took the wrong turn and ended up somewhere else.

I like this principle the most, I think because it not only redefines Umoja/Unity but says that we can't do things alone and how if we help each other we can strive and become so much more. Unfortunately I'm the last person to be preaching on the subject, since I feel I don't need anyone. However I still appreciate it. I think if more people considered this particular notion and applied it, there wouldn't be so many heartaches, bitterness and unhappiness in the world. We would all be working together and investing in our future development and success in the world.

Thinking on this makes me ponder at the selfishness of the people today. Everyone's on a "tough luck, I got mine who cares about you and yours" attitude that we inflict harm and discourage one another. We bully and pressure others into situations and unhappiness that is beyond cruel. We demand perfection but yet slander each and every unique person we cross paths with. All for the sake of something society has us believing. Which isn't true, not by a long shot. We should embrace each others uniqueness even if it makes us uncomfortable or we don't fully agree. Because if we were all the same, where would diversity be?? How would we be able to tell each other apart?? If we look alike, sound alike, and think alike...how do we show our individualism?? We couldn't. That's the bottom line.

So before you say to a friend, cousin, sibling or parent or even a coworker or a stranger that their problem isn't yours. Take a moment and reconsider, I think the more we accomplish such a task at helping others even if it's small, it can make a HUGE impact on the world and possibly create a better place.

Big Mouthed

Kwanzaa | Kujichagulia

"Self-Determination"

To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

Last Year, Honestly it seemed selfish. I think I was ranting more so than actually talk about what Kujichagulia is all about.

Sometimes selfishness can be misrepresented and taken the wrong way. I can say that towards the end of last year's post I was on topic for a short moment and then took a left turn to somewhere else lol.

Self Determination embarks a journey for each of us to take to find out who we are, what we want and how we can personally strive in this life to make us not only a better person but to reach a level of contentedness and comfort within our skin. With all the media and celebrities and every day challenges we forget what's important and try so hard being someone else that we lose ourselves within the very evil that we loathe from the beginning. It makes me think of what Janelle Monae said about being a cover girl and even in her song Q.U.E.E.N. "Even if it makes others uncomfortable, I will Love who I am." that is by far the most inspirational sentence I've ever heard in this lifetime. It makes me want to cry and rejoice at the same time.

We lose sight on being near perfection and ruin what makes us unique, what makes us who we are inside. We lose face and forget about how to be ourselves and let others guide us in a direction, down a path that isn't our own just to fit the mold, the puzzle. However remember some of us are not meant to fit the puzzle of Society, some of us were never molded to even be considered as a piece. But that doesn't mean you're worthless or not good enough. NO--it just means you've got to make your own puzzle and create something so spectacular that you can later marvel at how wondrous you are and how far you've come. That's what Self-Determination is about.

So the next time you find yourself being pressured into someone you're not. Take a step back and let the world know: You are who you are and there is nothing no one can do about it and if they are uncomfortable, that is their problem not yours. You do what makes you comfortable, contented and happy. Be determined to not let anyone sway you or make you someone your not comfortable being. Be fearless and stand up for your beliefs, emotions and standards. No one can take that away from you and the best part about it all is, you are the only one. There is no one youer than you.

Kwanzaa | Umoja

"Unity"

To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.



Last year I talked about being unified with ourselves before engaging unity within our surroundings.

Honestly that's a hard act to follow. However I still think it's true. You can't expect that things will be unified around you until you, yourself find the unity within yourself. We all have those moments were we can't figure out why we don't feel good or why every day seems like a terrible day or how we're stuck with bad luck. That's because we have lost the unity within. The faith we hold true to our religion or traditions or practices, we need to learn to have faith in ourselves so that our unity won't be compromised and that we can go out amongst the world and plant unity not only in the community but with each other.

I can say that, I'm currently in the process of finding the peace and unity withing myself so I can make my surroundings unified.

Happy Kwanzaa 2013

So I know one it's been awhile since you guys and dolls last heard from me. Plus I'm two days late on the Kwanzaa Celebration. I'll tell you why in another post later on today.


Anyway, as I was going through last year's Kwanzaa celebration I noticed that I never finished. Unfortunately that was due to my having that wicked stomach flu that put me in commission and messed me up for weeks. I feel really bad about that too! Reason being, with every Kwanzaa project I've started I've never finished and I don't like that. Makes me irresponsible and dubs me a total procrastinator. SO this year even if it's the death of me I'm fin to finish this year's Kwanzaa celebration.


I feel more excited about it because it's finally something I can celebrate that doesn't revolve around families or gifts or being extra special or part of a group. I wasn't really feeling Christmas this year, not so much because my mom died, but because everyone was forcing me to participate in something something I no longer feel comfortable doing. Regardless of what people think, Christmas is meant for children and those who have children or even grandchildren. But for single people like me who's parents are both decease and family who isn't close or may be too far away...it just turns into another crappy day really. I've got more presents and cards this year out of people's guilty feelings and I really don't like that. You should give out of love or knowing you're doing a good thing, not because you feel guilty or want to throw a pity party for that person. But whatever all that's for a different post.

This year after Christmas came to a close, I was so happy to break out with my Kwanzaa celebration. Unfortunately I'm ill-prepared since I don't have the decorations needed for it. So I set out to the internet to find all the things I needed or wanted. I found little to nothing and most of it wouldn't be shipped to me until after the holidays which sucks. Thus I decided to go to the store. I wanted a Kinara but I couldn't find one. I saw quite a few back in October or November and considered getting one but I wasn't sure if I would be in the holiday mood or not and decided against it. So I found the candles I needed, well almost. I came up with something better! I brought some flameless battery operated candles. You know the ones that flicker like a real candle. I got some red, black and green ribbon and covered the candle via hot glue gun to make "temporary" candles for my now decorated table. I'm happy with the outcome. So I guess tomorrow at some point I'll see if I can put together a Kwanzaa Wreath so I can hang on my door.

I think Kwanzaa doesn't get the recognition it deserves and more people need to be made aware of how special of a holiday it truly is.

Dog Twerking 2

If you giggled at the first Dog Twerking, then I'm sure you'll love this one

Post by Its Funny How Sitting "Boy Girl Boy Girl" Used To Be a Punishment.

I'm Too Fat Salad

There was this skinny broad at the Burlington's the other night I was there looking for a new winter coat. She said to another customer she's so sick of not being able to find her size in the store. I can understand her height might be a problem but c'mon she was at least a size 4/6. Yet she tries on this coat that looked really nice (and I hate to say so) and commenced to whining like a whore about how "BIG" it was and didn't fit properly.

Well shit bitch the kiddie coats are an aisle away.......it pisses me off seeing people like her, it really does.

And Then There Was Lily

So I've had a pretty exciting week. Even though it's Friday I feel like it's only just begun.

Well I decided that I would get another kitten. I'll be honest and say my whole plot for a house full of cats turned out to be an utter failure. In one sense that's a good thing. We learn about ourselves and learn from our mistakes. What makes it even better, this time around....I'm ok not having what I want. 

I had been searching high and low for the ultimate kitten playmate for my kitten Hawthorn. When I couldn't find anything or all the ones I came across wasn't what I felt was a good fit for him. I was beginning to give up and be contented with life just me and him. Unfortunately he's become extremely clingy. If I go just to get the mail from the garage next to the basement he whines and cry like I'm never coming back and then sticks to me better than glue. At first I loved the attention but then it hit me. 

He's my only "child" and what will he do when I can't be around? How will he react if I won't be around?? It made think back to how clingy to my parents I was. Now that they're gone that utter loneliness that follows is uncomfortable. I didn't want him feeling that way. Plus when he's bored he sleeps. I know they nape here and there. But for him being such an energetic cat to sleep all day and sometimes into the night isn't normal. Sounds depressing right?? Lately when I leave to the store or to the basement he gets mad at me and wants nothing to do with me however he follows my every move and step. I decided he needed another kitten as a companion, someone to play with and also if something did happen to me they'd have each other regardless of the situation. 

I started my search and looked EVERYWHERE! The racist Petland (I got him from another Petland actually) where the pets only like white people had kittens and I was so shocked that I wanted to get one. They were cute little balls of Cotton and one even looked like grumpy cat. But I immediately declined when I go no service from the rude staff and found out those cute marshmallows cost $990+. No no, that's ok. I placed an ad on Craigslist and began searching ads on there. Majority of the people I emailed never responded. Some were asking outrageous prices. And others lived too far and expected me to come get them. It's not a free kitten when I have use my whole tank of gas to get it. But still I searched. Unfortunately I would've considered the animal rescue but they have strict rules and I would need a deed with my name on it and I don't have that. Thus making it hard. 

Then I got a response the woman I talked to seemed adiment about giving up a 6 month old kitty for $20. Which isn't bad and I was ok with it. At first she kind of half assed communication. Then said I could get him on Tuesday. I considered Monday but she was "out of town." Go figure huh? She mentioned he didn't have WWfleas, that he hadn't been neutered nor had any shots and how much of a nice kitty he was. I thinking oh he'll be a wonderful playmate. Then I also got an offer for a little female kitten. 

So honestly I wanted a female kitten to begin with. Nothing against boys, just never really spent much time with them and wasn't sure of how to approach the situation. However I can honestly say I wouldn't change the way I met Hawthorn and how much I love him. But when I got the offer for the female kitten I couldn't resist! And decided to see which of the two he liked more or at least in one case have two new friends instead of one. So I picked up the male kitten first. When I saw him who was suppose to be the runt of the litter who looked like a baby wild sized grown cat. I thought well maybe it's not that bad. He was friendly and nice and came right to me. However the woman wasn't there like she said she would be. I found that strange as well as her sudden need to be persistent. I understand that there are those who flake out on people, but you calling me like a bill collector asking me the same question is ridiculous. Even though these were well obvious signs, I ignored them because I didn't want to judge and I was doing this for Hawthorn. In the midst of the car ride the cat did well, but I didn't. I found out the cat had fleas. So I considered dropping him off at home but didn't since he did have fleas. I went home anyway to get flea and tick spray and sprayed him a few times. I was mortified and then realized why the woman was so persistent in getting rid of him. It wasn't her roommate or whatever else excuse she gave me. It was because he had fleas and she knew it and wanted to pawn the problem off to someone else. And the money too of course. 

Then I went and picked up the female kitten. Who was small and absolutely adorable. So I stopped pass the pet store and picked up some flea and tick necessities because I couldn't have these two who weren't neutered, who don't have shots and one have fleas infect my poor baby.  When I finally got home I brought the smaller one in because well she's handheld and makes life a whole lot easier. Hawthorn tried to be friendly with her but she felt very threatened and the little Pipsqueak started hissing, growling like she was a Nittany Lion. When I brought in the other bigger cat, not only did he go reclusive and anit-social but he also knew because of his size he could intimidate the other two. I don't mean hissing or growling, he literally backed them up in a corner and just stared, no noise or sounds which caused the little ones to get aggressive. Plus he was two times the size of my Hawthorn, there was no way I was going to believe that sucker was just 6 months. So I locked little mama in the bathroom and switched after an hour with Hawthorn locked in the bathroom.

Now I understood the introduction phase, I read about it after I had gotten Hawthorn, however because he roams the whole house, I couldn't lock either one in a room. I can't have the female who was named Lily by her previous caretakers in the bathroom knowing he's going to come too. I can't put her in my room at night to sleep because he sleeps there also. And the other cat had gotten so strange he didn't want me touching him or near him. I had to end up putting him in a room that's in the basement. That's the other thing, I didn't have enough secluded rooms with doors for everyone. Plus I wasn't expecting the added hostility with the older cat either. Well I ended up putting Lily in the other bedroom and decided that the other cat had to go to the shelter. Honestly I felt bad about it and didn't want to do it but I also couldn't have him intimidating the kittens, me and acting like he ran the whole joint. He had the nerve to have an attitude when I scolded him for agitating Hawthorn. I told him I don't care how you feel but you fuck with my baby I'm kicking your ass outside real quick.

The next morning I called the Animal Rescue League about dropping the cat off. And can you believe I got scolded and told I had to keep the cat?! I'm like listen lady I don't care about the two-week introduction phase nor do I care about what else is going on and this cat refuses to be told he has to go into a room. He fought me with his heavy ass about going to the basement and I can't having him intimating the kittens. So then she said if I was going to bring him, he had to be in a crate. I don't have a crate big enough for him and then she tried to say I couldn't bring him in and I'm like no no. So she said a box will do, I don't have a box big enough for him. Like seriously I would need a MOVING sized BOX for him. I finally found a box that was for a large crock pot to put him in and believe it or not the box was still too small for him. So I put treats in the box and then put him in and then in the car. Ran and grabbed my purse and back to the car. When I got in and looked in the rear view mirror he's sitting there staring at me maniacally. The best part he escaped the box and left it the way I closed it. I was officially freaked out. I had to go grab some duct tape and fasten the box so he would stay in there and not try to get out, even though he tried his damnedest to get out the whole car ride. As soon as I got to the Animal Rescue League, I had to fill out papers and because I only had him for a short time I couldn't ask some of those questions. But after all was said and done I was able to surrender him and I really hope he finds a family that will love and care for him and hopefully doesn't have kittens. The funny part he came from a house that had another cat but it was an older cat. Just before I turned him in he did claw my arm and tried to break my hand off. Which made me feel even better to surrender him. His creepiness was a bit too extreme for me and his hot and cold attitude was intolerable. But all in all I had to consider the other kitties well being over his especially if he would attempt to harm them at some point.


So I decided to keep Lily, even though Hawthorn did not approve at first and I must say it was the best decision I made.

New TV??

Cooking Extraordinaire

So everyone has been hounding me about my impromptu way of cooking. I've never liked cooking and can't stand it, I can do a few things and it comes out ok because I'm a perfectionist and my OCD begins to shine through like the Sun in Clouds. However I don't have the patience for it and there's no bowl licking in between the process. Then the other side to it is.....well it's just me now. Why do I need to go through the process of cooking when it's just me, everything is always going to be too much and I don't really want to be forced to eat left overs every fucking day for weeks on in because the only available single serving food is a nasty frozen TV Dinner.

For the last two days I've been out stocking up for winter, since I don't really plan on leaving too much unless I have to. But I've been baffled as to what to buy since everything is geared to families or couples. I don't understand that, it makes no sense to me. Not everyone is coupled off or has a houseful of human children. My kid only likes Philadelphia cream cheese anyway. But seriously, there are tons of single people or even people who are widowed or divorced or something. So either you feed for a family of 86 or you're stuck with having McDonald's for the remainder of your life.

All this I couldn't help but think about why a bunch of people were making a big deal about me needed to know how to cook, when I don't have a interest in it, and it's just me. Then I recalled a conversation I had with this guy about it was important to keep at it because one day I'm going to get married. No. When I had an interest in learning so I could be prepared to cook for a future husband, Life said no we'll make all men be repulsed by you. So now that I'm older and could care less, why would I want to bust my ass in the kitchen for someone who cares less than damn about me?? Please, like that'll ever happen in this lifetime. The only one I concern myself about eating is my pets and that's it.


Lately my family has been forcing the whole, you're getting married one day. No ifs or maybes. I just no longer have an interest and if it has to be with a man I have even more disinterest in the whole kit and kaboodle. I can't imagine being that close to another human being and being at their beck and call while they be selfish and only concern about them. That's beyond rude--it's fucked up honestly. My baby making factory has been shut down indefinitely, so I don't want to bore any monstrosities like other women (no offense). So cooking has the advantage of what for a single person?? I might as well go buy what I want already prepared and cooked and if not easy enough that it only needs to be nuked in the microwaved. But I'm dealing with crazies in the first place. I'll worry about being a Cooking Extraordinaire next lifetime....even then that's a big ass maybe.

How To Make An X Pie

70's Karate Chop 2

I always end up finding awesome things at 3 in the morning. Why I don't know, but I love each and every moment of it lol.

Anyway about 3 months ago, I came across this awesome video on Facebook where someone took some Soul Train footage and hooked it up with Future's Karate Chop, well  I'm sure you saw the alternative version to that. Here's yet another video dedicated to awesomeness lol.

70's Karate Chop: Alternative

A few months ago I posted a video I found on Facebook. 

Well I just found the alternative version that it just as entertaining check it out.

"Boyfriend"