Bachelor vs. Genius

A Man's Faux Pas

I happen to come across this post in the midst of clearing out my drafts. I'm amazed that almost a year later I never posted it lol. But it is worth the read, so by all means read it.

So I meant to type this one up yesterday but I got so busy and preoccupied.

Anyway as you know I did my hair after what seemed like months of neglect and laziness lol (May 2013). Well I always notice I seem to get more attention from the guys when I do look girlier than usual. Which is ok, but it's not like I get a catch checking me out. It's always some baby who thinks my milk jugs are hypnotizing or some dirty old man who really needs to stop seriously.

Well I went into the Walgreens yesterday to pick up a few things. What I usually do with my hair during the day I leave it down so it doesn't get that ponytail permanent crease mark in my hair. My hair is just a blowing and dancing in the midsummer breeze. I walk into the store and noticed a new display of nail polish stickers/strips/appliques whatever you call them. This guy that works there that I've seen often was talking to this heavy set girl that also works there, who was doing that overly trying too hard laugh women do to get a man to like them lol. 

Anyway I just happen to look over in the direction they were standing because her laughing was getting annoying. So he looks at me, rambling and stopped talking to give me the biggest smile which I will admit was very attractive. I couldn't help but say to myself: 

Damn, last time a guy looked at me like that was when the mailman thought he was getting some goodies!

At first I felt awkward and uncomfortable. Then dismissed it because I was on a mission to do my nails dammit! Well the whole time I'm there at the store he followed me around and would grin like a Cheshire Cat. He even was bold enough to want to ring me out. Then I immediately got pissed off. Why?? Yes for some women they like that sort of thing or get excited. But for me at that moment, I was mad. Not only do I see you often at your job since its a place I frequent often. But even when I was trying to be nice and say hello or just be friendly. This dude acted like I wasn't allowed to shop at HIS Walgreens. Even when he rang me up before, he would barely tell me how much the bill was. Why when I flat iron my hair and wear it out do you suddenly become so talkative?? Then I had to wonder oh was my lounge pants and over size shirt too filthy or not good enough to you? I have to wear my hair out, put on make up and dress up to please you or even get you to have a conversation with me?? How shallow can you be? Talk about females and the nick-picking petty stuff they bring up, but men are far more worst. It's just more a faux pas instead. It may look good visually or have that visually appeasing appeal, but its far from the real thing.

If you can't accept a women when she's in her rawest form, but you can fall head over heels for a fake woman that wears heavy makeup and doesn't even have her own body or a soul for that matter. Women who put make up on are hiding their true form, and becoming a whole new person in the process. They're not the same people and that's not confidence. A lot of men don't seem to understand that. Those women are hiding behind their true form to create an optical illusion, so to speak. To me that's sad, it's even sadder that men fall for women like that.

If that's how men pick out women or that's how you get any man's attention. I'm sorry but I'm far from interested -_-.

Be Dashing

I Sleep Alone, Cause There's No Room In My Bed

 It seems like in the midst of me trying to find myself, my family's been pressuring me to find a "mate" to live a traditional life with. However for the last few months I've talked to quite a few guys. I think I finally realized or more or less found out why I'm so short with men.


These men consider themselves single, yet they all just about have a kid or kids. They also have a pre-determined outlook on what they want in a woman however it's not realistically possible. You can't have a super model tall with a matching waist, triple-F tits and an ass bigger than Rhode Island, with a face prettier than any celebrity out there who has the qualities of the perfect housewife while being nastier and freakier than a porn star. You can't have everything you want. It's not possible, so you have to drop the standards and accept whatever comes your way and based your NEEDS and not your wants so much. For me that bothers me. Another thing is, they say they want a good woman but have no problem in mention how he wants to bed her or have her suck on his dick. Like what do you want?? A nasty ass ho or a good woman?? Baffles me.

For the last month, I've been called sorta cute. I hope you skinny. Why you being difficult, why can't I have your phone number. I'm interested in your face but I want to see your body first. And it goes on and on. Getting a headache just thinking about it. But one that took the cake was this one guy who was in his 30s and wanted to "hook up" but when I declined he had the nerve to tell me off because I said not interested. So I had to let him know, excuse me but I didn't go on the dating site out of want, I was bribed. I don't beat men down but I do have standards and if you can't talk like you've got sense or you're not a total horny pervert. No I don't trust people after all the crap that's happen to me. He eventually stopped talking to me. He even had to nerve to say he didn't believe I was a real person like what type of shit is that??

Then another guy, who has a kid wanted to give me advice at how much fun sex is and how to let loose and all is good as long as a condom is used. Yeah tell that to the people who were victim of the condom coming off in the middle of sex. I doubt they would agree and neither do I. So I told him I wasn't interested in sex and in the midst of our conversation he said oh now you're tons of fun, because I originally found you to be plain and boring. Oh I'm sorry my plainness and boring personality isn't what you're looking for. Then what makes it worst all these men all claim how they're be oh so loyal and faithfully committed. How can you be when I won't even be your top priority?? You already have a family and a ex that won't disappear due to children and you're telling me I have to ride the trunk of the car because you have far more important things in your life. Why should I be held back or not receive everything I'm deserved because you have a different agenda. That's not fair in the least bit.

Then comes another guy who was the one that said I was sorta cute. And his view point was well you a good woman, got your own crib, you seem nice why are you single?? Good question, I've been asking myself that for years. But now I'm like fuck it because I don't care anymore and if I have to plan my life in accordance with accommodating someone else's life then no fuck that I'm not participating. This his whole objective became where I live and how many days will it take me to let him come over to "cuddle" with me. Days?? Try never. He said that's not much of a chance. Neither are you saying I only cute enough until you want to cuddle with me.


I don't like men who are over confident, and think that I'll be ever so easy to get. No, no it won't. I'm going to make it as hard as I can because I want to show you my ugliest nastiest side and if you can't make it through and fall short then I know you were never good enough for my best. I already gave my best to two different people who never appreciate it. I can't let that happen a third time or make a routine of it either.

But last night I sat here and thought, what if I did let the walls down and open up. Would the unexpected happen?? Would I get what I've been looking for?? Just the thought and sound it sounds so bittersweet. Unfortunately after being hurt and fucked over, I immediately retracted that thought and went on to something else. I don't want to have to change me or turn into something I'm not to temporarily please someone who's not even trying their best to make me happy or show me pleasure. I read something that said that everyone is going to cause you pain, you just have to find the right people worth suffering for. I can't imagine that. I refuse to accept pain, hurt or mistreatment for the sake of just how things are.

In my mind I consider that things would change, that I one day wake up with a stitched up heart like new and be ready to receive whoever comes my way. But I also know that's a dream and fantasy and that I can't have exactly what I want. However I won't settle for less and if that means I have to consequently live the remainder of my life alone then so be it. I've already accepted it and I'm learning how to be content with it. But I also know I have commitment issues, and I won't be loyal to anyone who's not loyal to me. I'm not saying I need to be treated like a Goddess but I also don't want to be treated like some common hoodrat hooker. So whether I don't smoke weed, or that I'm not a size 8 or that I'm only just cute--that's all fine. I rather sleep alone anyway. I'm selfish like that lol. Plus there's no room anyway because the kittens have the other half of the king sized bed. To me that means more than having a half ass man telling me how much he sorta loves me.

Generational Misconduct

No More Yoga Pants!

New Year Resolutions

Kwanzaa | Imani

"Faith"

To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Even though this is the last day of Kwanzaa, it's still very important. I must say I am very proud to have finally finished a Kwanzaa project!! Uh! It feels good, makes me happy lol. Anyway on with the show right??

This principle has more than just belief in it. It has inspiration and hope and support and many other feelings in it. To have the faith to believe in our people, families, and other important figures to reflect on the victory of our struggles is a beautiful thing. We put our belief and all our emotion into these people around us and that encourages them to do whatever they can to give back not only to you but to everyone around them. Unfortunately not too many people do this and it's kind of sad. Because if we don't have someone to believe in us, we won't have the courageousness to be confident enough to face Life and the World and their obstacles head on and see victory in the end.

I also think when faith is the topic of discussion, people try to associate it with religion. Not saying it doesn't play a major role in religion. However it also plays a role outside of it in every day life. Sometimes having faith in things brings more of a peaceful result than the anxiety associate with hope and the restlessness that follows. I think faith can even be used to show your beliefs and promote them in a positive and non-selfish way.

But in this day and age, many people have lost faith in just about everything, including themselves and it's sad. It's even more difficult to reclaim it and let it brighten up your darkened world. Lost hope and lost faith, promotes a person to become a depressed wanderer. Because of that it's hard to come out of that state of unhappiness. Believe me I know!

I think for the new year, if we have even a small amount of faith and look to rebuild it and replenish it to make our world a little better. I think we can look forward to more of a positive outlook on life and hopefully begin a trend that'll help future generations hold on to their faith and appreciate our struggles in trying to replenish it for them.


Happy Kwanzaa Everyone!

Happy 2014!

It's A New Year