Reason 8: To Be or Not To Be…

It’s funny how when you’re a kid and being raised, there’s all these do’s and don’ts as far as what your actions are concerned. What I mean by that is, I remember also being told to be a good girl, with morals and smart and pretty so that all the boys will fawn over me. Because no one wants a fast little girl (one who was doing any and everything).  But then you become this tweenager and you dream of having your first boyfriend and how wonderful it will be. Then—BAM—you find out that the boys like the little fast girls, going on dates and all that silly shit everyone else told you is not on the agenda at all.

 

But it took a long time for me to learn that it’s not ok to let people try and mold me or build me into something or someone I’m not. It’s exhausting for one and then it’s just inconsiderate. I’ll appreciate an honest opinion, however I’m not going to accept listening to this suggestion and then it’s followed by a scolding. The hell?? I remember when my mom passed away. The first thing everyone was telling me wasn’t ‘sorry for your lost, is there anything I can do?’ no it was ‘WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES?!’ Um, how about no thank you. Then I had to listen to the whole rhetoric of how I need a man, and how no one (my family) is going to take care of me or be bothered because that’s my husband’s job. To even saying how I was too fat, I needed to stop smoking, go back to school, get prettied up and go out and meet this man so I can have my first kid before I hit 30, while married of course. No matter what that was the conversation anytime I saw someone. It got so bad that my aunts were legit picking up random 20-something year olds and telling them about me and giving them my number like I’m some desperate muffin looking to be touched…. NO NO NO. Then the shit hit the fan when I got Hawthorn, EVERYONE LOST THIS EVER LOVING MINDS!! Like they weren’t ready. Then I heard about that, I’m not trying hard enough or I need to get a dog to balance it out because I shouldn’t want to be a cat lady.

 

Well fuck. I shouldn’t want to be a miserable trophy wife with kids I never wanted either.

 

But here’s the kicker. Got with my ex, everyone disliked that he had kids already and was older. They everyone spazzed when I got pregnant. Wanted to tell me I was wrong and I shouldn’t be getting pregnant and how no one’s going to help me with the baby BLAH BLAH BLAH. Hmmkay. Just yesterday you were telling me I needed to get a man and have a baby. I do both of those and that’s wrong. Ok. Gotcha!

 

 

Now, they still nitpick about me now being 31 with more cats and no man or children. Honestly I don’t give a flying fuck either. I wasn’t put on this earth to be everyone else’s happiness while sacrificing my own.  Even friends do it too, and spouses. Like stop trying to recreate someone into something you can tolerate and be happy with. Either accept them as is or move on to someone else. I’m not going to be the virgin, PhD having, great job, big house, 3 cars, married to a surgeon, 5 kids who all go to private school and will be doctors, lawyers and politicians with 2 dogs and a cat….. Yeah that’s not my kind of lifestyle. Yes at one point I wanted to be married with kids but that changed once I seen the uglier side of things. I don’t ever want to experience a divorce. Regardless of what anyone says, a man of today don’t even want to spend time with you on a date let alone spend 40years with you on purpose. The fuck. Maybe in the 50s & 60s that work. But not in 2018. Just like I had to learn to accept people as they are, I expect them to do the same for me. I’m contented how I am. Yes there’s always room for improvement for me to be a better version of my current self. However I’m not going to compromise or water myself down to be tolerable for other people. I’m not going to try to be someone that I’m not or I don’t feel comfortable being. You either like me or you don’t and either way I’m going to continue to be me, regardless.